to ask you all to give my sister a kick up the bum

(36 Posts)
DefiniteMaybe Mon 10-Dec-12 02:18:22

Today is my sister's 21st birthday. She has a 9 month old baby. Tonight her boyfriend got smashed out of his face on alcohol and drugs, told her he wanted to see his son right now and when she said no he smashed her living room window.
Luckily she was at my house when all this was going on so no real danger to her and my nephew this time, but her boyfriend thought she was in her house.
We called the police, they came out and she refused to make a statement or press charges because he has previous convictions and she doesn't want him to go to prison because she wants him there for their son.
I've told her my opinion but I don't think she believes me. I will show her this thread so she can get her kick up the bum.

susanann Tue 11-Dec-12 10:30:46

everybody is saying the same thing, inform ss. she may hate you for it now but you must do it. Im assuming she loves him so she wont see things clearly. you must act. good luck, I know it wont be easy for you.

Loislane78 Tue 11-Dec-12 10:51:39

If you know he smokes weed (which is illegal lest we forget) and know where he lives; I'd be inclined to make a tip off to police and see what happens. Tough shit if he's got previous; doesn't sound like he's been rehabilitated one bit and he is a danger to society as well as your poor nephew with a temper like that.

Remembering the story of that lady who was blinded recently by her abusive partner...

I would think that an absent father is potentially better than an abusive one.
He will do it again. Can you phone SS and let them know that you (or a family member) will take DNephew so if, god forbid, he is taken, it isn't to a strange place and it is with family?
I hope your sister comes round and sees sense for the sake of everyone

waltermittymistletoe Tue 11-Dec-12 11:17:03

You need to report her to SS.

She's failing him. If she was trying to get away from this abuser or even taking steps to realise he is an abuser then my advice would be different. But you want a kick up the arse so here it is:

She is letting her son down. Badly.

She is prioritising the wants of a prick over the needs of an innocent baby.

Her job is to protect and care for her DS. She is not willing to do her job correctly.

She doesn't deserve him. He deserves a mother who will do right by him.

Report her and give this child a fighting chance of a normal, well adjusted and happy home life.

LemonBreeland Tue 11-Dec-12 11:18:39

Does she want ss to take her baby away from her because they will have the sense to see he should not be around this man. Father or not, he is not a good person to be around the baby.

blackeyedsusan Tue 11-Dec-12 11:20:31

if she can not take responsibility and protect her son, social care will take a diom view of her parenting. school wiill take a dim view of her parenting. it is an absolute pain to have sc involved due to a violent partner. sc put the responsibility on the non-risky parent to protect the children... if you do not then it will go to case conference and children can be put on the at risk register.

it is a pain to be having to attend meetings at school every few weeks re your children because their dad is violent.

it is terrible to have to tell your gp about their father smacking inappropriately and consequent sc involvement.

it is a opain to have to wonder hether any violent behaviourt from your boy is copied from their father. it is distressing to see your daughter following typical patterns of behaviour for girls from vio,lent families.

sod all the info on children from one parent families. being from a violent family is worse, and much more damaging to the children. being raised in a happy stable one parent family is preferable to being raised in a violent family.

Bogeyface Tue 11-Dec-12 11:29:36

Dear DefiniteMaybe's Sister

Grow up.

You are a mother now, not some feckless child who only has themselves to worry about. You son needs you to look after him and you are not doing that. A violent man will always be violent and yes, there will be another time, and another and another. Next time it could be your face, or your sons.

If you want to waste your life with this loser then go ahead, knock yourself out. But don't take your son down that road with you. Don't be so fucking selfish as to ruin his life just because you haven't got the sense to get rid of this dickhead. If you cant be a good mother to him, then he will be removed from you. You could lose your son because you didn't protect him from an abusive man.

Is that the sort of person you are? So selfish that you would put your own son's safety below a man who gets drunk, takes illegal drugs and is violent? The sort of person who would risk having their child taken into care because you care more about your happiness than his?

Get a grip and do right by your son, before the choice is taken away from you.

Regards

Bogeyface, who knows first hand the damage that abusive relationships and families can cause.

ChunkyTurkeywiththetrimmings Tue 11-Dec-12 11:38:15

My sister had 2 children by an abusive, drug using, alcoholic. He beat her up one Christmas because she slipped on the ice & broke her wrist. She still didn't leave. She didn't believe she deserved more because she had been bullied I think.

Her (LA) house was awful - a health hazard to her 2 children. She still didn't leave. Her eldest showed evidence of being affected by the abuse. She still didn't leave.

Finally, he gave her hepatitis A which he'd picked up at his druggy 'mates' house. She was hospitalised and my parents looked after the kids. When she left hospital, she didn't return to him.

Only she knows why that was the final straw & let her get free.

Ask your sister, OP, what it would take for her to realise this isn't a good man to be around. If she still refuses to see it, you'll just have to be there for her & support her, until she has her epiphany. You can't MAKE her see sense...

You could ask the police to refer?

DoingitOnTheRoofTopWithHugh Tue 11-Dec-12 14:12:32

OP if she won't help her son it is up to you to do it now. And you are letting him down if you don't. And you will regret it when he does hurt one of them

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Tue 11-Dec-12 14:17:51

Please contact social services, that child is at risk.

A friend of mine did contact the police, and did everything as she was told she should... Her child will be being adopted in the new year.

OP's sister: I am the same age as you. I have a three year old. I know it is tough being a young mum, but you do not need a prick like this to validate or 'help' you. He is a risk to you and your son. Please, put your baby first. Get away from this man.

Call the police, and protect your child, or you will loose him.

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