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DH smacked his friends wifes bum.

(120 Posts)
Jelly15 Sun 09-Dec-12 17:56:19

We were in a crowded pub last night and his friends wife pushed passed him on her way to the loo, he then smacked her firmly on her bum. I saw this and I was sitting a few tables away. I was fuming and I didn't want to make a scene and gave him a filthy look. Half an hour later we left.

I told him (shouted) I was shocked and upset. He apololgised but thinks I am over reacting. I told him it was completely inappropriate behaviour for a married man and I would have been upset if a male friend did that to me too. He replied, " It's only J for heavens sake."

I am sure as anyone can be that he wouldn't cheat on me but I think that flirty behaviour is wrong and I am upsest. Do you think I am being unreasonable about it?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 09-Dec-12 19:29:45

Erm... Aggressive twat it was supposed to be.

If my DH slapped anyone I would want to know what the hell he thought he was doing. He isn't someone that would ever lay hands on anyone without the most extreme provocation though. Slapping someone isn't flirting, it's a slap, and the part of their body it lands on is immaterial. (And we are "into" the D/s scene for want of a better phrase, and would still not dream of slapping someone, or each other, in public like that) Who on earth thinks striking someone is funny/amusing/flirtatious? hmm It's weird, and if he's trying to make out that you OP are somehow in the wrong for calling him on it, then that's even weirder - sounds like he knows he was wrong and is ashamed of himself, which I guess is a good thing if it stops him making an arse of himself and assaulting your friends in future.

dementedma Sun 09-Dec-12 20:39:53

Bloody hell, some very uptight people on here.wouldn't bother me in the slightest if it was an old friend who I loved and trusted.

zoomy81 Sun 09-Dec-12 20:44:09

If my dp slapped another women's bum id slap him round the face! What would he do if you slapped some bloke arse ?

SundaeGirl Sun 09-Dec-12 20:47:16

This is less about your relationship with your DH than his relationship with her. Did she take it OK? What did she think?

Bubblegum78 Sun 09-Dec-12 20:51:52

Ordinarily I would say it depends on your social circle, but as you are upset this is clearly not normal behaviour between you DH and friends?

I personally do not find this acceptable.

How owuld your DH feel if some bloke smacked you on the bum?

We all have boundries and your hubby has upset you, bottom line, he needs to acknoweledge that and appologise (and not do it again).

x

FelicityWasSanta Sun 09-Dec-12 20:53:29

If my dp slapped another women's bum id slap him round the face! What would he do if you slapped some bloke arse ?

I honestly don't know how my DH would react, but I'm damn sure he wouldn't slap me round the face! And can you imagine the MN reaction if he did?

....Back to the OP, I'd have been pissed off too... But we need more context to know how bad it was IMO.

NervousAt20 Sun 09-Dec-12 21:01:48

I wouldn't be happy either. YANBU

quesadilla Sun 09-Dec-12 21:03:26

Totally depends on the nature of the relationship between your DH and the woman and the way you feel about it. For me, if it was in the context of their friendship it wouldn't bother me. But it obviously does bother you and I think you need to figure out why...

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Sun 09-Dec-12 21:07:23

I bet she is mortified, hurt and upset at being treated with such disrespect.

What does her husband think, you reckon?

Inertia Sun 09-Dec-12 21:08:04

I am really taken aback by the number of people who think it's acceptable for a man to smack any woman on any part of her body without her permission, especially a woman who is not his sexual partner.

OP, YANBU. It's certainly not normal behaviour in all social circles. I wouldn't accept that from my friends or my husband's friends, and DH wouldn't do it to other women.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sun 09-Dec-12 21:09:43

Im amazed that anybody thinks its ok!

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas Sun 09-Dec-12 21:11:05

Nicely said Felicity.

DP and I slap each other on the arse. We also play fight. Part of the dynamics of our relationship. Not even a sexual thing, just playful.

I asked DP if he would slap someones arse in front of me and his response was "depends on our relationship with that person". I asked how he would feel if I slapped his best friend's arse, he said it wouldn't bother him but again that was down to the relationship his buddy and I have (brother and sister like).

I think if you're upset then it's obviously not part of your relationship dynamic and he was BU though.

Redbindy Sun 09-Dec-12 21:13:54

Does he spank you? He might have a bit of a fetish.

WitchOfEndor Sun 09-Dec-12 21:23:30

I wouldn't be happy, but that's probably because I would hate any of DHs friends to slap me on the arse!

squeakytoy Sun 09-Dec-12 21:25:53

A playful gentle slap on the arse is not in any way shape or form the same thing as slapping someone across the face..

onedev Sun 09-Dec-12 21:27:19

I wouldn't like it at all.

OnwardBound Sun 09-Dec-12 21:41:14

It does depend on the context of the relationship between your DH and your friend imo.

If they are old friends, or have a brother/sister type relationship it might be okay.

Similarly it depends on your DHs general attitude towards flirting and his history of relating to women who are not his partner.

If he is not generally a flirt, nor has a wandering eye, or previous history for inappropriate behaviour... if you feel securely loved by him and you trust him implicitly... then I guess a playful smack on the bum of a female friend [who is also comfortable with this and not upset] is okay.

But I think it can be risky behaviour [as evidenced by so many posters saying they dislike it] and thus shouldn't really be encouraged imo.

And the real issue of course is if it upset YOU OP.

In that instance your DH should be promising to never do it again, not just justifying and minimising it.

Adversecalendar Sun 09-Dec-12 22:01:49

Regardless of others saying they wouldn't mind, you did mind and it has obviously really hurt your feelings. I would not like it at all eithe

peaceandlovebunny Sun 09-Dec-12 22:55:50

he has expressed a level of intimacy with her which isn't acceptable to you.

note it. start gathering evidence of his income etc. find all important documents and photographs and lodge them somewhere safe, where he can't get at them and where they are available if you leave. not with a friend - they tell. keep your eyes and ears open for further evidence of inappropriate behaviour. it may be that you have to ltb.

possibly.

scottishmummy France Mon 10-Dec-12 07:02:04

bemused amount of folk think it's ok to smack female pal on arse
I think op has reason to be aggrieved
it's disrespectful and bit grubby frankly

SilentSplendidSun Mon 10-Dec-12 07:20:01

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Whatever happened to boundaries? I cant even get my head around the fact, close pals pat each other around the bums. But a pal's wife? Don't men have formal relationships with friends wives, sister in laws etc? However jokey and close the relationship, why touch someone's bum?

Don't understand the people ok with it. Is this an unfortunate side effect of the porn culture?

Morloth Mon 10-Dec-12 07:24:25

Women are not property. They are not there to provide amusement to other people.

I would be unhappy if DH had the sort of relationship with someone else that he could smack them on the arse without it being weird.

sashh Mon 10-Dec-12 07:31:43

I told him it was completely inappropriate behaviour for a married man

It's unacceptable for any man.

It is sexual assault. Why on earth does he think that is OK?

A playful gentle slap on the arse is not in any way shape or form the same thing as slapping someone across the face.

No a slap accross the face is assault. A slap on the bum is sexual assault.

HollyBerryBush Mon 10-Dec-12 07:35:13

Why do the OPs never come back to these threads?

Because they like setting off moral indignation thats why.

Laughing @ sexual assault.

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