Is he BU or do I need 'psyciatric help and anger management'?

(91 Posts)
Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 09:55:36

My youngest DC has the norovirus, hes young so only wants me. Ive been up to my armpits in sick, poo and washing. In the last three days I took him out the houss twice (school run) he was sick all down his all-in-one coat the first time, through every layer, it was covered. The second it was poo through every layer, up and down his back.

Yesterday DP was at work, I had enough food to give the eldest breakfast and lunch but that was it. No food for me, which was fine but I was waiting to see if the youngest could fare a trip to Tesco. He was just sick so figured his stomach could be rested enough to do a quick trip (we had no dinner, and DP was going straight from work to take DC1 to swimming so wouldnt have the chance) I blitz round tesco, get to the till, type in my pin wrong once and locks my card (apparently Id typed it in wrong in the past) cant get my shopping, cant call my bank my phones at home.

I drive home, get my phone try to drive back and my car starts failing. Its 3pm now and Im starving and worried the baby'll puke again.

I call DP and tell him my predicament, he finishes early, goes to tesco and they put all the food away!! He comes back with nothing!

I go mad for a good minute or two, I shout that its been a shit day, Im hungry, my cars broken, the baby is due to puke or poo and now DP is telling me its too late hes taking DC1 to swimming lessons he'll be back at about 5.20.

Im pissed right off but he gives me some biscuits, what else can I do?

This morning I tell him about a nightmare I had and he said, with a look of disgust on his face, "I think you need psychiatric help." Wtf?!

I tell him thats a shit thing to say, he starts saying I was an angry PITA yesterday and I need anger management! WTF?! It had all got ontop of me, I didnt scream, throw things or hit anyone. I just shouted for a minute, two maximum.

And its rare that ever happens! I said tell me one other time Id been angry like that in the last few months? Or longer! He couldnt.

But nope, he says I need psychiatric help because of my nightmares (he never dreams, I do, he thinks Im weird) and I need anger management because things got to me yesterday.

Is he BU or am I?

Grumpla Sat 08-Dec-12 09:56:55

He's being a twat.

He's a twat.

And a useless one at that. He went to Tesco and came home with nothing??

While you were dealing with a sick child?

And he spoke to you like that?

Twat twat twat twat twat.

SirBoobAlot Sat 08-Dec-12 09:58:45

He's a twat.

tiredemma Sat 08-Dec-12 10:00:09

what a twat.

You don't need psychiatric help. tell him to fuck off.

You don't need psychiatric help as being angry is a perfectly reasonable response to circs.

You do need a food delivery and a less twattish DP.

Oh and I had a dream last night that I fucked my dog who'd had a stroke, that turned into a giant fat man as I jumped on top of him.

grin

<it was too hot in my bedroom>

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 10:03:54

Good. Because I told him he was being a twat and kicked his arse out the house. He was standing looking down on me picking holes in every way I parent. DC1 came in saying 'can I call for XXX' I said, 'do as you wish sweetheart' and he starts saying 'oh yeah! GREAT parenting! Do as you wish?!'

I told him he was just being ridiculous now, if he didnt stop then to leave.

He didnt stop, so I told him (no shouting during all this btw) to leave.

He genuinely thinks he parents faultlessly.

The thing is, when he had the children all day he lasts 5 mins before he snaps. I last months!

I wouldnt have lasted aslong as you did before having a meltdown.

He is a twat.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 10:07:10

Thats the thing, it takes a LOT before I snap. But when I do, he makes me pay for it.

Hesterton Sat 08-Dec-12 10:09:22

Sounds like you both could calm down a bit.

Get some emergency dried foods in, enough for a dozen meals, tinned tuna, pasta etc.

And talk to each other, don't yell and shout!

Parenting isn't a competition. He does sound stressed and you do too. He sounds less competent than you.

If he awful and you really don't love him then you have done the right thing. But if you want to salvage this relationship, you need to all talk calmly not yell or kick the other out.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 10:09:22

I asked him, is no one ever allowed to get angry then? When things get in top of them? He said yes they can, but not like you do.

Like me? I said, I didnt hit anyone, through anything, slam anything. I shouted, if someone who is angry cant even shout, what ARE they 'allowed' to do?

His answer?

Nothing, he had no damn answer.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 10:10:49

Heserton, of course I love the plank. The relationship is not over, it does not need to be salvaged, he has not left me.

I told him to get his arse out he house. Thats all.

Softlysoftly Sat 08-Dec-12 10:14:09

Don't let him back in until he's had a good long think about the fact hes an arse

Hesterton Sat 08-Dec-12 10:14:38

Ok! Sorry! I misunderstood your posts!

I still think, calm down both of you and talk. Honestly shouting is a wastre of energy, I just wish I had realised that before becoming the old lady I am.

Hesterton Sat 08-Dec-12 10:15:09

'wastre'?

I mean waste of course.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 10:17:44

There was no shouting this morning.

I was shouty for a minute or two yesterday, this morning there was no shouting just pure insults from him.

LondonKitty Sat 08-Dec-12 10:22:21

Yes he's being an arse.

But men can be really good at being an arse. Mine always gets arsey when I'm stressed. He just can't handle the possibility that I can't cope with everything, and instead of helping or being in anyway constructive, he starts behaving like a toddler.

Suggestion: get him back inside the house with the vomit and puke and sick children and empty fridge, and YOU take off for a couple of hours off.

ChunkyTurkeywiththetrimmings Sat 08-Dec-12 10:28:45

wossit I think your response was totally expected given the circumstances and if it had been me, I doubt I would have been as 'calm' as you - things may have been thrown blush

Personally, I think your DP needs help!! He has incredibly high & unreasonable expectations of you/people in general. Dreams are 'weird'??!! Sounds like he grew up in a house where anger/expressing anger/frustration is wrong.

My FIL is a bit like that - I got a bit fed up about something the night before we were moving house (whilst pg & with a toddler) & I had to apologise to him for getting 'angry' (I really wasn't BTW, just expressing my frustration about the situation) and endure a lecture about how it was unhealthy & going to affect my DD!!! The even more stupid thing was he then made me cry by going on about how awful our new house was, & has never apologised. But that's a whole different AIBU...

Perhaps talk to your DP about where this unrealistic ideals come from?

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Sat 08-Dec-12 10:30:36

If you needed psychiatric help for shouting when really stressed then everyone on earth would be under care of a psychiatrist

OP, you said "This morning I tell him about a nightmare I had"

According to you, that seems to have been what triggered his comment.

So what was the nightmare about then? Six-foot babies eating the entire contents of Tesco and then puking it up again?

PixieBaby Sat 08-Dec-12 10:44:57

It sounds like you have been in a really stressful situation. Any normal person would be frustrated, so it is not really helpful for your partner to say what he did. I think you should not beat yourself up about it.

I agree with Hesterton - a calm discussion needs to be had, away from the heat of the moment. Maybe there are some underlying issues or concerns that you both need to talk through. Don't be afraid to also ask your GP for some help if you need to talk to someone for independent support. Best of luck.

Wossit Sat 08-Dec-12 11:12:54

The dream was 28 days later.

I had been bitten, so had baby DC, soon to turn into zombies. DP hadnt been bitten he was fine, he handed me a stanley knife to cut off DC's head once he had become too 'infected' and mine afterwards. DP went off to see his friend and do other things, all the while I had to cut off my babys head and mourn this tiny head. I was searching for DP but couldnt find him and eventually had to cut my own throat.

SirBoobAlot Sat 08-Dec-12 11:21:36

And instead of comforting you from a distressing nightmare, he told you that you needed help?

Wow. He sounds like a catch.

pjmama Sat 08-Dec-12 11:29:34

I'm no expert, but the content of your nightmare speaks volumes to me. Do you feel like you're having to handle and hold everything together, while he gets off scott free? He's being a prize pillock and YANBU.

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