Mumsnet Talk

We had truly obnoxious neighbours in our old flat, so I'd exaggerate any noise I was tempted to make to the point where I was shouting. DH thought it was hilarious.

Or, if you want to put them off, If You're Happy & You Know It! because everyone else knows how happy they are!

Surely you've got to play Tom Jones's Sex Bomb. It's well enough known that people will recognise it through a wall!

You could try my neighbours' technique. I once got a round of applause when I climaxed..... Don't think I've ever been disturbingly vocal since.

We used to shout scores out of 10 and applause at our old neighbours.

DH groans loudly in pain when turning over every night so fuck knows what our neighbours think.

But said neighbour lives with his Mother and Sister and everynight I hear a rhythmic tapping......

Play NIN Closer.

This thread is hilarious.

However, if it bothers you, it's time for some white noise: something like this www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lj1oFE0YB8. Download something like it onto your phone or mp3 player, put in some cheap earphones, press play and drift off again to sleep. Good for late night music, arguments and parties. I used to live next to nightmare students and this was the only thing that let me get a good night's sleep when they were being inconsiderate bastards. I found that so long as the rain noise was loud enough to block out most of their music I could sleep or read a book, even if I had the volume turned way up.

I feel your pain!

We had some renovations done to our house and rented a semi d for a few months.
The couple next door used to go out every fortnight. Depending on the level of drunkeness they'd either argue ( and then have make-up sex) or just start as soon as they came home. The hilarious thing was, the guy made this noise every time he came. I used to look forward to that noise!

Charlie Brooker made a playlist called Aural Contraceptive. It is IMPOSSIBLE to do the wild thing with it on. Features, inter alia, 'Grandma's Hands' by Barbra Streisand, and 'I Love Europe' sung with all seriousness by Christer Sjögren:

open.spotify.com/user/charliebrooker/playlist/2uz17uyzXjsodWYzwsgp5J

and the followup, Aural Contraceptive II:

open.spotify.com/user/charliebrooker/playlist/37kW8lxKdkdSdJLslc0Sfw

I must give the new one a listen!

Al

My former neighbours were quite.. animated, but it was the punctuality that got me - you could set your watch by them.
At 10:35 on the dot the thud-thud-thud-thud-thud would start, and finished with a 'Gaaargh! Hm!" exactly seven minutes later. Every single night.

i could cope with the sex noise.. it was the fucking GIGGLING i couldnt deal with.. this couple are grandparents, and she GIGGLES like a fucking child when they're at it.

::traumatised::

I could hear my former neighbours have sex. The girl was so loud and the noises so repetitive I assumed she was faking.

When you see them ask how the renovations are going. When they say 'what renovations?' you reply 'oh I keep hearing lots of banging and grunting and assumed you were putting up new dry wall. ::innocent face::". If they have any shame at all, that should give them enough of a hint.

Play Sex On Fire through the wall afterwards.

Or Maybe Agadoo halfway through.

Our bedroom (head of the bed to be precise) used to share a wall with next door's bathroom (bath to be precise). We used to hear something along the lines of squeak GRUNT squeak oooh squeak Ooooh squeak squeak OOOOOH squeaksqueaksqueak EEEEEEEEEEEE silence.

It was quite a small bath and I imagine they were quite crowded in there, but they seemed to enjoy it despite the friction burns.

maddening

Wait until they finish, then play "I Just Had Sex" by the Lonely Island.

If you haven't seen it before, YouTube it. It will make you happy.

When they finish shout "no - don't stop - I'm about to come

Thanks everyone - you have given me a much needed giggle!!!!
It doesn't worry be to be honest - it was just a bit freaky - first time ever hearing someone else at it!!! I am single so can't reciprocate !!!

Wait til they've finished and shout One Hundred and Eieieieieieieighty at la darts championships !!

See. I must be a freak because I always find this hysterically funny and it doesn't bother me at all! Maybe it is all those years of living in student halls where you can hear EVERYTHING. One friend had particularly loud neighbours and she applauded them afterwards.

They did avoid her after that, though

Change your wifi router name to 'wecanhearno46shagging' or somesuch...

Caja our walls were so terrible when we first moved into this house that we couldn't hear our neighbours having a poo, but we could smell it - especially when he decided to have a fag on the loo too <retch> We pulled all the plaster off the wall and discovered that the mortar had gone in loads of places, so we remortared above and below the floorboards and I'm happy to report that we are no longer troubled by the smell of someone else's poo and smoke. Check the condition of your walls.

Once, I was lying in the bath and could hear the water splashing, but I was completely still..........Freaky.

Im quite embarrassed to say this but when I met DP, he lived in a flat. Being a new relationship, we were at it all the time. Didn't realise how thin the walls were until he received a letter from the management company complaining about 'domestic noises'.

I was mortified. Even more so when the neighbour downstairs had to knock on the door a few days later about water leaking into her flat.

We live in a small town, everyone knows everyone. I see her from time to time

Hahahahaha Tenacious D is an excellent choice. I'd so do that.