To move my children from their current Catholic school...

(59 Posts)
coni336 Mon 03-Dec-12 14:34:23

I have 2 children one in Year 1 and one in Year 3. They attend our local Catholic school where I also work (makes things 1000 x harder). My 8 year old has come home a few times quite worried and scared about his RE lessons. They have been learning about Purgatory and some other quite scary stories which I think are a bit heavy for children his age.

My husband is totally against religion and he didn't want the children to go to that school in the first place. I am a bit torn as I wanted them to have the discipline and moral teaching BUT I was naive about how much it actually was. So it is my fault entirely and I know you are going to say 'you chose it, you should've know' etc... but anyway now I want them to change schools to another local school that is very good but I am very nervous about making this decision. The other thing is that how do I talk to the head/my boss about it without it affecting my job! Will he expect me to hand in my notice too?? Can I still say 'I like working here but it's not what I want for my children?'
Oh i just dont know what to do...

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Mon 03-Dec-12 17:51:46

Drastic move for one bit of teaching in one lesson especially as you knowingly put him into a Catholic school.

squoosh Mon 03-Dec-12 17:53:15

Personally I always found the idea of purgatory quite comforting when I was a nipper. If you were sent to purgatory it meant you'd get to heaven eventually, you just needed to endure a few centuries of waiting first.

Sister Agnes said it was just like waiting in the dentist's waiting room for a very looooooooong time.

DID SR AGNES LIE? shock shock shock wink

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Mon 03-Dec-12 17:55:27

Sorry that has come across too harshly. It is a massive upheaval though; couldn't you speak to the teacher and clarify what was actually said, then try to defuse it with DS.

PlaySchool Mon 03-Dec-12 18:02:29

I thought the Catholic Church has abandoned the idea of Purgatory. I may not be right, of course.
I think you need to discuss the matter with the school. The problem is that no matter what school you choose, there will be something about it that you do not like or agree with.
Perhaps it would be better to stick to the devil you know.

Vagndidit Mon 03-Dec-12 19:36:47

Seems like a massive knee-jerk reaction, tbh. I don't understand how you can/would want to work somewhere that you feel is exposing your children to disturbing Church teachings? If you weren't fully on-board with the teachings of the Catholic church's teachings in the first place, then why did you choose to send them to the school---other than convenience?

Personally, I would bloody LOVE to work at the same school that my children attend. Moving them somewhere new will uncover inconveniences & complications you probably haven't even thought of. Agree with above poster's warning about "the devil you know."

Annunziata Mon 03-Dec-12 19:47:41

Do you work in the Catholic school?

I personally think you're overreacting.

wigglesrock Mon 03-Dec-12 20:06:51

My children are 5 and 7 (P1 and P4) and they don't do any of purgatory type teachings in their Catholic school. I too thought Purgatory had fallen by the wayside. Dd1 has made her first confession and is making her first Communion next year and nothing has scared her. In fact its all been fairly huggy and fluffy.

squoosh I always imagined Purgatory to be like a really full train station and you'd get there in the end grin

socharlotte Mon 03-Dec-12 23:16:13

Why don't you just withdraw them from RE?

Yabu. You decided on the catholic school- surely with open eyes- you work there ffs.

PlaySchool Mon 03-Dec-12 23:29:53

I don't think you can withdraw from RE in a Catholic school. Their philosophy is "take it all or leave it".

milkandribena Tue 04-Dec-12 00:48:30

squoosh and wiggles I was always told it was like going into a sauna and then a steam room and then back again for a long time then having to get on a bus to go to the pool with the slides. Don't think the nun realised we were a bunch of working class kids who had no clue what a sauna or steam room felt like. Now I'm rather looking forward to it - could do with going to a spa.

Purgatory use to be actual fires that as mortal men we could not imagine but that went out years ago - they are more cleansing in a less like hell sort of way now.

I'm sorry your DC was upset but it is a catholic school you are going to get catholic doctrine. what other scary stories? He's 8. I was terrified of St Pete and Saint Joseph when I was that age. For some reason, I have no idea why (I was also scared of rabbits). they are not very scary at all. But at the time...
Could you explain that sometimes stories are just stories? or that the 'stories' might have a different meaning to some people.

It does seem a bit of a leap to take them out of school especially as you can legally withdraw them from RE classes. You may get some looks if you send them to a faith school and take them out of the faith bits. Especially as they wont just do RC but other religions as well. Would you with draw them from those as well?
But it is your choice. They cant sack you for it and if asked you could always make up a story.
It does seem a bit extreme though

TheNebulousBoojum Tue 04-Dec-12 01:38:27

socharlotte, you can't withdraw from RE lessons in a Faith school. RE in a catholic school has the same weighting as science in curriculum time, it is a core subject and even has its own OFSTED inspection.
If you move your children, it should have no impact on your job at all, OP.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Tue 04-Dec-12 01:47:59

I find it hilarious, as someone who was brought up a catholic and went to a catholic primary school, when all these posters say, why don't you withdraw your child from RE. I don't think that would go down very well with the local priest grin

Seriously, though, OP, if you feel that there is an important clash between your and your DH's world view, and the one that's being taught at the school, then yes, move them. Or you could talk to them at home and explain that religion is what some people believe and it's up to each individual to decide what they believe themselves.

NickECave Tue 04-Dec-12 16:31:26

Honestly why would you send your child to a Catholic school without understanding what Catholics believe and what they will teach your child as god-given fact! I had a Catholic upbringing and Catholic education and there is no way I would let my child near a Catholic school given that both me and my husband are atheists. Catholics, like any other religious group believe that their view of the world is the only possible true view, handed down by the word of God and they are not going to teach your child that it is only one of many possible and equally valid ways of viewing the world.

LynetteScavo Tue 04-Dec-12 17:29:19

NickECave, that is certainly not my experience of Catholic schools.

My children have been taught what Catholics believe, but are also taught what other people believe. They are taught very strongly that they should respect other peoples beliefs.

You can indeed withdraw your child from RE lessons in a Catholic school. I have received a letter home informing me of this, but also telling me it would make the head teacher sad. (Which made me grin - he was a not very good, IMO, acting head)

And I don't think the OP is really bothered what the priest thinks.

ChocHobNob Tue 04-Dec-12 17:37:26

In a Roman Catholic school the religion isn't only taught in RE lessons. It is in every aspect of their schooling. Registrations, assemblies, normal classes. But the condition of going to a Roman Catholic school is you follow their faith, so I would be surprised if they allowed pulling out of religious teaching, not to mention how much time in a day it would be.

socharlotte Tue 04-Dec-12 17:38:36

The school may not like you withdrawing your child from RE but it is your legal right

School Standards and Framework Act 1988

1)If the parent of a pupil at a community, foundation or voluntary school requests that he may be wholly or partly excused—
(a)from receiving religious education given in the school in accordance with the school’s basic curriculum,
(b)from attendance at religious worship in the school, or
(c)both from receiving such education and from such attendance,
the pupil shall be so excused until the request is withdrawn.

sashh Wed 05-Dec-12 03:41:09

NickECave

My experience too.

Although I believe the NC means they hve to learn about one other faith.

SomersetONeil Wed 05-Dec-12 04:39:44

Are people seriously suggesting withdrawing children attending a Catholic school, from RE lessons...?

44SoStartingOver Wed 05-Dec-12 05:34:48

Surely this is something to take very seriously.
Even at primary, they are going to be influenced by teachings about roles of men and women, premarital sex, evolution, contraception, even terminations of pregnancy I guess. How are they going to make sense of catholic views on homosexuality if you believe differently? Roman Catholics still don't like that right?

I think I would be very uncomfortable with a clash of beliefs like this and think it will become increasingly difficult.

SomersetONeil Wed 05-Dec-12 07:23:54

But this is the point; me too, 44So - which is why I'd never choose a Catholic education for my kids to start with.

To choose one, and then withdraw your child from the integral part of that education - RE - just seems a bit mind-boggly to me. You really have to withdraw them from the school entirely.

PlaySchool Wed 05-Dec-12 10:01:29

Are people seriously suggesting withdrawing children attending a Catholic school, from RE lessons...?

It would be downright weird and the DCs would wonder why they couldn't be in class with everyone else. I don't see how it would work practically even if it is legal. Where would the children go? Would they just play with lego in the corner?

The OP hasn't been back....

Pilgit Wed 05-Dec-12 10:45:13

For what its worth, the catholic teaching on homosexuality is that being homosexual isn't wrong - practising it (i.e. committing the sin of sodom) is what is wrong. Whilst this is the official line there are some significant pieces of discursive work undertaken by catholic theologians that posit the view that the interpretation of the bible on this point is incorrect as seen through a prejudiced eye. The central point being (and I paraphrase massively) that the sin of sodom is rape - not homosexual sex. Whilst this has not changed the party line on the issue, it is a matter of debate and as such I have faith that the catholic church will change its position on it (although that will probably not happen in my lifetime - the catholic church taking 100 years longer to accept things than the rest of society!)

squoosh Wed 05-Dec-12 11:19:48

I grew up in a Catholic household and attended convent schools and I actually really enjoyed religion class as a time for debate. It wasn't a matter of 'sit there and absorb this doctrine', or if it was I didn't notice as I was too busy disagreeing with many issues.

milkandribena Wed 05-Dec-12 12:43:11

440 shock horror you can learn things in school that go against what you are exposed to at home.
It's very easy to make sense of some RC rules and then be told differently. I went to catholic schools, was raised catholic, still am catholic but still at a very young age manage to grasp that my family didn't agree with some views of the catholic church.
It requires actually talking to DCs out of school. But it isn't hard.
There are lots of Catholics who have no problem with contraception (i imagine not what they were taught) what all those 2 children catholic families only had sex twice (?) it's something like 60% of usa married Catholics

(also what evolution? it happened that's the party line. there is something about god creating souls and him starting it all off. But there is no conflict between genesis and science. RCC are a lot of things but we aren't literalists)

We aren't robots. you can be exposed to catholic teaching and then a alternative view and make your own mind up.

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