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predictable Xmas email from relatives!

(52 Posts)
carocaro Thu 29-Nov-12 17:12:45

Two sets of Aunts & Uncles (my bro & wife and DH sister & husband) who hardly ever see their neice & nephew, only ones in the family and they only live 2 hours away, not seen either since April, we've invited them here loads, been to where they live to see other people and DS's sister they were too busy to see us.

It pissed me off when I get an email asking what they would like for Christmas and can it be got on Amazon cos they do gift wrapping which makes it all so easy one click!!!!

Could you give less of a shit about them, really? I'd rather they had nothing that just be drop shipped presents when the fancy takes you!!!!

AIBU?

Proudnscary Fri 30-Nov-12 17:22:19

NEWS FLASH:

Not everyone is as interested in our children as we are! Some rellies <gasp> don't want to see very much of them and are not legally required to do so.

It is actually very nice for anyone to take the time and money to buy your children Christmas presents - and nicer still to ask what they want rather than buying some unwanted tat.

Oh and...YABU!

Euphemia Fri 30-Nov-12 15:35:24

Sorry I didn't mean to be aggressive. smile

I missed the bit where the OP said she'd rather the aunts and uncles didn't send presents - apologies.

It was the idea that the children were being "bought off" that I found vile. I do exactly the same with DH's nephews - we never see them, never have anything to do with them, have no relationship with them, but I send Christmas presents out of niceness. The idea that someone would do that to "buy off" children is bizarre, it hints at rather devious intentions on the part of the sender.

My question about sending nothing was genuine: this thread has made me wonder whether DH's nephews' mother views us as "buying off" her children at Christmas. sad

Svrider Fri 30-Nov-12 14:42:39

I've brought most of my Dcs Xmas prezzies from amazon
<bad mother>
I'd much rather that than something they don't want
Santa paws 2 and the new Cinderella DVD
Would be great btw........

wonderingsoul Fri 30-Nov-12 14:39:33

yabu

they asked you what they would like. they prefer to do it on amazon. they wrap it and its cheaper then them having to post it. just be glad they bothered at all.

if you want to see them. they must be nice people so just go vist them. but dont get so heated becasue they dont drive over to see you as much as you want them to.

derekthehamster Fri 30-Nov-12 14:38:24

ooops. I haven't seen my sister an nieces since about July time, We can't (and neither can they) afford the petrol to drive the 100 miles each way. We won't see them at xmas either as they go to my bil's parents.

I don't think I'm a bad Auntie (and neither is my sister), I was directed to amazon gifts for them, and I've bought a present for my sister to give mine grin Is there more to this story?

INeedThatForkOff Fri 30-Nov-12 14:32:28

Euphemia, why the aggression? The OP has said she would prefer they didn't bother with gifts if they can't find the time to have a relationship. What's 'vile' about that? What a ridiculous choice of word.

Euphemia Fri 30-Nov-12 14:09:45

So would it be better if the aunts and uncles sent no presents at all?

1charlie1 Fri 30-Nov-12 14:06:43

This morning I posted Christmas gifts overseas. £22.50 to send my 3 year old nephew a book (which cost me £12), and some family treats (£10). It also cost £18.50 in postage to send gifts to my parents. I've decided this is the last Christmas I will be doing it myself (unless I win the lotto) - I just can't afford the postage! I've been silly, and it has nuked my budget. I'm going online from now on, gift wrapping and all! I like choosing gifts, but I also am happy to receive suggestions from the recipient.
More to the point of the thread though, contact between myself and my DB and DSIL (and therefore DN) is pretty infrequent (mostly FB stuff), and I definitely use birthdays and Christmas as a chance to 'make an effort'. I love my DN, it just hasn't manifested into a Skype/phone kind of love. But I do love him.

HeathRobinson Fri 30-Nov-12 14:06:15

Why don't you see if they're willing to Skype you?

Paiviaso Fri 30-Nov-12 13:42:39

YANBU. INeedThatForkOff summed it up well.

You could just not give them a list. Perhaps this would encourage them to actually find out something about the children?

INeedThatForkOff Fri 30-Nov-12 10:02:38

YANBU, because you're referring to the lack of a relationship and the notion that it can be substituted with a no thought, no time, no effort gift. It isn't in the genuine spirit of Christmas and family. I get it, totally.

waltermittymistletoe Fri 30-Nov-12 09:51:52

Present and material things don't fill the void of missing someone, or do some of you think they do?

hmm

carocaro Fri 30-Nov-12 09:15:29

No they are not buying for us and we don't buy for them, we agreed that with them ages ago as it is a lot for them to buy us four presents when we only used to buy them two as they have no children.

I do remember when childless other peoples children were not very interesting, but both sets of A&U have a good relationship with them, when they see them. I think this issue for me is the materialstic nature of the present buying, of course a wish list helps with choice and ease and if either sets have children I am sure I will find this easier. Present and material things don't fill the void of missing someone, or do some of you think they do? Perhaps my expectations are out of whack with society these days.

I think that I would make more of an effort with their children to see and have a relationship with them, we are all busy, but face to face and making an effort is so important, otherwise we are all going to end up like the characters in WallE.

I am going to pick up the phone and have a chat, whilst emailing the amazon and toys r us wish lists they have, I am behaving towards her the way I wish them to be. THe truth is my DC's miss them, the last time we left them the eldest cried and said he loved Auntie * so much, I think that is what bothers me, the fact they miss them.

fiftyval Thu 29-Nov-12 20:47:37

Totally agree with 5foot5. If they are also buying for you aswell as your (at least 2) children, have you accounted for the fact they may feel that they are buying at least 4 presents for your family and getting just 2 back - or do you buy for them from the dc's aswell?

Cahoootz Thu 29-Nov-12 20:18:01

YABU and ungrateful. Some people have busy lives and are just not that into their nieces and nephews. It doesnt mean that they dont care for them.
This is a bit of a glass half full/half empty situation. You are looking at in a very negative way. Your DC's will pick up on your feelings towards your brother and his wife if you are not careful.

skatebauble Thu 29-Nov-12 20:03:02

Yab completely u. They bother to email, they bother to ask, they havent left it until the last minute and arent asking you to go out and buy something on their behalf on christmas eve.
If they didnt bother, you would probably be bitching about that as well

Euphemia Thu 29-Nov-12 19:57:36

Buy them off?!

What a vile mind you have - no wonder they don't bother with you.

Narked Thu 29-Nov-12 18:24:34

I understand why you're annoyed. It's not about how you feel though is it? It's about presents for your DC, who would still appreciate them if they came from total stranger, let alone blood relatives.

OP, YABU. Lots of people do their Christmas shopping online. Lots of people use lists. We've asked our nephews (aged 13, 10 and 7) - by return, we got a list of what to me was utterly inpenetrable model railway stuff and some other things, most of which are now sold on Amazon such as Lego etc. We and their grandparents are liaising very carefully to make sure the boys get exactly what they want, nobody buys duplicates and I don't have to trawl round the shops, or worse, buy things that they don't really want. What's not to like?

The only difference from your SIL is that I'm happy for parcels to be delivered here,and will be wrapping myself but that's more because I work from home and like wrapping. Having the gifts sent to you ready wrapped is sensible if they are both working full time out of the house.

Yes, it's a shame that they don't see you more often but again, when people work full time it can be difficult to schedule everyone as often they'd like. We are now at the stage where we don't see our nephews as often we like because they have incredibly complex social lives/weekends, involving a matrix of Scouts, music, sport, hobbies, parties etc - how my SIL keeps track beats me. We've sent two offers over for boys to come for pre Christmas sleepovers on different dates - and both were turned down because of other commitments. It's a shame but I recognise the reality of the boys' lives.

5Foot5 Thu 29-Nov-12 18:16:26

Do they not have DCs of their own yet?

Sorry but for a lot of people other people's children are not that interesting until they have had their own. They probably see it that they are fulfilling their obligations by getting presents at all. Might be hurtful to you but it is not really that uncommon.

ginmakesitallok Thu 29-Nov-12 18:08:29

YABU - My Mum asks me what the kids want, then gets me to buy and wrap it and sends me the £. I know she loves her grandkids though - it's no reflection on how much/little she thinks of them.

MadameCreeper Thu 29-Nov-12 18:07:44

I have emailed one of my children's bank account details to some relatives, now thats cold and grasping ;) He's saving up for something big, they've asked what to get, I said money if they're happy, if not I'll give them some ideas for physical items, it's up to them.

waltermittymistletoe Thu 29-Nov-12 18:03:16

Shall I say they buy you off at Xmas and Birthday's so that's OK?

No. You say, sometimes people are really, really busy and don't have time to visit. But they buy you Christmas and birthday presents because they still want to do something nice for you.

What is the problem here? My sisters, parents, parents-in-law etc all ask what they should get for the children. Sometimes I've even picked it up and gotten the money from them.

YABU. And a bit hysterical.

MadameCreeper Thu 29-Nov-12 18:03:05

Do you not have a good relationship with them usually?

My children don't see some aunts and uncles, who live less than 2 hours away, more than twice a year. It's not something that bothers me and I'm perfectly happy with texts or emails just talking about the presents, without any sorry we don't see each other additions. When we do get together everything is happy, relaxed and it doesn't seem as if we've not seen each other. Like an old comfortable sweater grin

I suppose if we didn't all get on then it would seem different.

hackmum Thu 29-Nov-12 18:00:47

This is how it works with me and my DB. He says, what does your DD want? I say X. He says, OK, I'll just give you the money.

I say, what do your DD and DS want? He says, oh, just give me the money nad I'll get it for them.

The net result is that my DD's present cancels out his DD's present, and I end up sending him £10 for his DS. It works out.

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