To wish people would stop telling me i'm hard to buy for

(35 Posts)
pouffepants Mon 26-Nov-12 22:39:16

I know I am. That's why I virtually never buy anything for myself. I find it almost impossible, even when I actually need something, to find something that I like. So needing new trainers for instance will usually take me several shopping efforts, with me getting increasingly stressed, wishing that my shoes would just last for ever, and eventually buying something in a blind panic that I hate and doesn't fit properly.

If I never had to have something new again I'd be happy.

But people seem to think it's some kind of philosophical standpoint, rather than just ineptitude on my part. So they want to treat me, tell me I deserve stuff. Which I don't.

And then moan that they don't know what to get me. I accept that saying that I don't want anything sounds like I don't mean it, and people want me to be part of christmas proceedings. And that's fine I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfy, but I really really don't want anything. The only thing that's really a treat for me is chocolate, but I'm too fat anyway, and because I don't eat it any other time I have no self-control, scoff the lot and feel very ill. So that's not great.

A friend asked what she could get me, and I realised that I'd had problems with my tape measure getting stuck that morning. So in an enlightened moment, I asked if she'd get me a new one. And she just said that's no kind of present, and said she'd keep looking. So when I do ask for something she ignores me anyway.

If I'm so hard to buy for, then just don't buy for me. Is that so unreasonable?

mummydarkling Mon 26-Nov-12 22:43:37

Gift card- smile but what if I chose the wrong shop? hmm

lovebunny Mon 26-Nov-12 22:43:43

i saw some lovely trainer boot things on saturday. silver. lots of different silver. i'm now trying to think of anything a grandma could reasonable wear silver footwear with, or for...

pouffepants Mon 26-Nov-12 22:44:31

If someone gets me giftcards, that requires me to go to shops. I hate shops!

lovebunny Mon 26-Nov-12 22:45:21

are you aspie, pouffepants? and stick the chocolate in the freezer - it won't stop you eating it but it makes it a whole lot more difficult.

mrskeithrichards Mon 26-Nov-12 22:46:34

My dh says I'm hard to buy for. No I'm not! I could buy for me all day!

pouffepants Mon 26-Nov-12 22:47:16

Something I've always wondered (the aspie bit)

bondigidum Mon 26-Nov-12 22:57:41

Oh I have the same dilemma. The trouble is I am just a naturally very picky person. Oh and I change my mind, a lot.

grin at the tape measure, that's a reasonable answer i'd say. I have asked for practical things before actually and got them! Like last year my mum got me a new knife set and I was over the moon not a mass murderer, promise.

mrskeithrichards Mon 26-Nov-12 22:46:34
My dh says I'm hard to buy for. No I'm not! I could buy for me all day!

could have wrote that myself grin

PurpleHeadedMountain Tue 27-Nov-12 00:48:30

I'm the same. I buy everything online to avoid the shops. I am asking for Amazon vouchers - dull but useful.

PurpleHeadedMountain Tue 27-Nov-12 00:48:53

Unless anyone wants to stump up for some Jimmy Choo biker boots??

Sassyfrassy Tue 27-Nov-12 06:33:01

Maybe ask for very expensive chocolates, they'll come in tiny quantities then, but will be super yummy.

I'm the easiest person in the world to buy for because I love matching smelly sets and chocolates but everyone thinks it's boring so won't buy them sad, equally when I say I want a new duvet or tea/ coffee/sugar jars I don't get them either. Instead I end up with a load of stuff that I didn't want and will never use and have to look happy about it confused I really don't get it, why make life complicated?

CMOTDibbler Tue 27-Nov-12 08:23:09

My dh is the same - if he wants new boots he will think about it, look at what is out there, go and try some on, curse at them not fitting his feet, go home, think more, then go and get some.
Buying for him is a pita as if he doesn't want it (ie, has not got it in his mind as something he wants), he just won't use it - not in a mardy way either.

Now he does an Amazon list - no shopping required, and over the year he just puts dvds, books, and other bits and pieces on there and people feel like they've chosen for him and he gets something he actually wants

Moln Tue 27-Nov-12 08:30:09

The Amazon wish list is a good idea (well if you were able to decided on anything over the year that is).

Anyway YABU to want people to stop saying you're difficult to buy for because it seems you, in fact, are.

Ragwort Tue 27-Nov-12 08:30:33

I agree with Just - I love posh soaps and matching bubble bath sets (or even not that posh grin) but never get given them. Also love practical presents, one year my DH bought me a really good frying pan, I was delighted but so many people sound horrified if they get a practical present.

Fortunately I am now at the age (mid 50s) where people have finally get the message and I receive very few gifts - which is how I like it smile.

Have you got a favourite charity, why not suggest a charity gift?

FredFredGeorge Tue 27-Nov-12 08:38:47

Just tell them not to get you anything, repeat it endlessly whenever they ask, don't accept the "oh you're so difficult, you must want something etc.". Just say no, get me nothing, they will eventually get the message that anything but nothing causes you more stress, which is not a gift you want. I get no gifts on birthday or Christmas, and it's just how I like it.

And a tape measure is a perfectly acceptable gift, it's all I bought my DP last Christmas.

Latara Tue 27-Nov-12 08:54:45

YANBU, it's just the way you are so don't need to change.

It's difficult with some people who i know who only like expensive stuff; but that's not how you sound at all.

Arithmeticulous Tue 27-Nov-12 09:03:29

My family People say that to me - but I have a three page long Amazon wishlist, which they could easily utilise. Apparently the stuff on there is not the stuff they want to buy, even though it's what I actually want need. So my family buy me other stuff and I recycle it grin and bear it.

Jins Tue 27-Nov-12 09:22:40

People say that to me as well but what they mean is that I don't want the sort of things that they want to buy.

I have pretty much everything I need but I do have a wishlist at Amazon which is full of books. I have a couple of hobbies/interests that you could buy anything connected with and it'd be spot on. I use Lush products almost exclusively, anything from Lush would be perfect. I don't drink wine but I do drink vodka, rum etc and I do eat chocolate. Suitable gifts start at about £2 and don't go much more than £20.

What people seem to want to buy me is gift sets from Boots (do I get the free one?), wine, biscuits (I'm a coeliac and most people know that) and costume jewellery. I've got more 'nice' silver photo frames than I'll ever need as well.

It's such a waste of money and I really would prefer nothing to something that clearly demonstrates how little they know me.

Ephiny Tue 27-Nov-12 11:26:00

YANBU, I am the same. I'd be perfectly happy if no one bought me anything, I honestly would not be offended or upset at all. I probably wouldn't even notice unless it was pointed out to me. I don't really 'get' the whole thing.

New shoes is always a bit of a drama for me too. I recently had to get some new ones because DH was 'threatening' to just go out and buy some random shoes fin my size, after months of me going around in battered leaky worn-out ones blush. he is now suggesting that I buy 10 pairs of the new ones so we don't have to go through all this crap again in a few years...

(I have wondered about the 'aspie' thing too. I always score very highly on the tests!)

pouffepants its probably a bit late for this christmas - but I used to find I could never give people a good idea of what I would like either.
Now I try to actively think about it during the rest of the year and I have a list on an app in my phone, which has a nice range of values so that I can give sensible suggestions appropriate to the person.
Whenever I find myself thinking - mmm that's nice but I wouldn't spend my own money on it, I try to think but would it be nice to receive as a gift from someone else - and often the answer is yes.
It does take a long time, and a bit of a switch in thinking but I now find that building the ideas over the year is much easier than trying to think of something in a panic as christmas approaches. So if I'm thumbing through a magazine - it might go on the list, or following a recommendation in a conversation about something that someone else found useful.
If it helps my random list for this year has: lightweight (summer!) dressing gown, a Leon recipe book, pretty hair bobbles/clips, a makeup mirror - not a compact, pretty wicker storage baskets.

FredFredGeorge Tue 27-Nov-12 11:54:54

"mmm that's nice but I wouldn't spend my own money on it"

Is completely alien to me, the value of something to me doesn't depend on who is spending the money, I either think it has the value it costs or it doesn't.

YouCanBe Tue 27-Nov-12 12:09:11

I hate receiving presents. It is just stuff to find somewhere to put. I am a hoarder - I wish I wasn't! - and I find it very stressful. It sounds ungrateful and I always just smile and say thank you, but inside I feel worried about Christmas already.

pouffepants Tue 27-Nov-12 21:38:32

Ephiny, last time I found some summer shoes I liked, dh went out the next day and bought 4 more identical pairs so he didn't have to go through the angst again.

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