Grandparents

(52 Posts)
Mosschopz Mon 26-Nov-12 21:32:52

My parents look after DS (2) when I have to work. They take him for the full day, from 8ish until DH comes home (6pm). This happens about three times a year and the last time was last week.

Grandparents (my side) requested that rather than take him for the full day, I take him to nursery in the morning and they'd collect him after their lunch. This way they'd only have him for 4 hours rather than the usual 9-10.

I was ok with this, though DS LOVES their company and acted up a bit when I took him off to nursery. The problem really was DH, who felt that they should want to take him for a full day. As he saw it, they weren't doing anything with their free morning and they could have been having fun with DS. I see his point to some degree - GP's like to do crossword and a long leisurely breakfast in the morning and this way they could keep to their routine. DH thinks routine should go out of the window when their with us and DS, like ours does when we visit them.

He also pointed out that many of our friends have parents who care for their kids once a week or more, we only rely on them 3-4 times per year and it's a bit of quality time without us around.

Who's being unreasonable? My parents are early 60's and very fit and healthy.

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Nov-12 21:36:00

Do you need to ask?

Has your DH always been this entitled?

At the end of the day, they've raised their family and what they wish to do with their spare time is up to them.

He doesn't sound as though he appreciates them to be honest.

rubyslippers Mon 26-Nov-12 21:36:01

No ones being unreasonable

Let the grandparents pick him up from nursery

Makes no odds to you at all

kdiddy Mon 26-Nov-12 21:36:38

I think your friends are very lucky to have parents who are willing and able to offer childcare, but it's not something you could ever reasonably expect to happen. There's a big difference between spending time with kids and actually being responsible for their care.

I think your DH IBU here to be honest. Their routine is no more or less important than your son's in the grand scheme of things - it's natural that they care more about their own routine, and that you and your DH would care more about your DS'.

lovebunny Mon 26-Nov-12 21:37:13

they aren't obliged to take your child at all. he's your responsibility, not theirs.
your dh is unreasonable.
9-10 hours is a long time, even with your own child!

Sirzy Mon 26-Nov-12 21:38:10

They don't have to do any childcare, any they do is a great bonus.

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Nov-12 21:38:33

Oh and I meant to add

Running around after a 2yr old when you're not used to doing it every day is bloody hard work, no matter how much you love them.

I babysat a friend's very well behaved 3yr old for 4 hours the other week and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when she went home grin

Pancakeflipper Mon 26-Nov-12 21:40:57

Any assistance from capable grandparents is a bonus.

myBOYSareBONKERS Mon 26-Nov-12 21:41:06

Are DH parents in a position to help?

natation Mon 26-Nov-12 21:41:15

Our children's grandparents have looked after our children 2 times in their lives, the eldest is 16...... think yourself lucky and see any time they spend with your children as something positive instead of complaining.

MsElleTow Mon 26-Nov-12 21:41:18

I think your DH is being unreasonable.

Your parents are doing you a favour and you are very lucky. Yes, there are people whose parents help out more, but there are also parents, like mine who have done feck all. DS1 is 18 in 2 weeks, my parents have never babysat him, ever. Perhaps you should point that out to your DH!

coppertop Mon 26-Nov-12 21:42:21

If it's only 3 times a year, and quality time with ds is so precious, perhaps your dh could take time off work to look after him?

Yep, agree with the others. It would be nice to always have things your own way, but sadly this isn't always possible. Does your DH ever look after DS for that length of time, alone? If so, he might appreciate how they feel!

Turniphead1 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:42:55

Your DH is being an ar@e. I'd say your parents enjoy him more having had their leisurely breakfast and read the papers. And why shouldn't they.
Kids of that age are quite relentless and as others have said they've done their parenting.

I don't think anybody is really unreasonable in this situation, its a fair request on everybody side. It also is not worth anyone getting upset over.

A fit and healthy 60 year old is very different to a fit and healthy 30 year old. Think of a fit and healthy pregnant woman compared to a fit and healthy non pregnant woman.

Many Grandparents do provide childcare these days, many willingly and for non charge, while others feel compelled to but would rather not.

I would be grateful that your parents are happy to help out for a bit and also feel confident enough that they can be honest with you about what they can handle.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 26-Nov-12 21:43:50

It doesn't really matter what your DH thinks they should want to do. If they don't want to do the full day then they don't want to. It's as simple as that.

What right has he got to dictate what other people should want to do?

I agree it might have been nice if they had wanted to, but maybe they would prefer to see their GS for half days more often?

Anyway, where are his parents in all this?

wigglesrock Mon 26-Nov-12 21:43:58

My parents are in their early 60s I wouldn't ask them to look after my 21 month old for more than a few hours during the day unless I had absolutely no other choice. She's exhausting, even for me and I'm like a whippet after her grin.

They are doing you a favour, say thanks, buy them some flowers and tell your dh to catch himself on.

Cbh1978 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:44:05

Hmmm. I have an 11mth old son. My parents live six miles away and have yet to babysit at all. Even for an hour. This has become quite hurtful, especially as he was a very tricky baby for months (LOTS of crying) and I was ill for some time after the birth. My partner tries to juggle staying at home with our son with freelance work, and it is really tough. I went back to work when our son was 3mths old (joys of self-employment). We would love a break. Even for an afternoon. And he has only slept through once in 12mths.
So, What I am trying to say is, things could be worse.
Equally, we accept our lot because we have chosen to have our son, we do not consider our parents as free babysitters and we disagree with those who expect their parents to are for their offspring. Our parents have done their bit. And it is really really exhausting fir us, let alone our parents. But yes, sometimes it would be nice if they showed more interest.
My son has been walking for several weeks now and my father has yet to see this. He is seemingly too busy with other stuff. We have tried to visit them but they are doing lots with their own lives.
Son's other grandparents look after sister-in-law's kinds regularly, but have yet to baby-sit our son. Who is not the deil incarnate this post might imply but a happy chappy!
There is a happy medium to be struck, and I think your parents are striking it. Be grateful they are prepared to help out at all perhaps. Not sure that has helped, but I haven't vented this stuff before either. And breathe... :-)

waltermittymistletoe Mon 26-Nov-12 21:44:21

Your DH is being a total arse about this.

It's not up to him to dictate how much your parents should want to spend 'quality' time with your ds.

They've raised their children. That is a very long day if you're not used to having young kids around.

If you asked for once/twice/three times a week would they do it?

OccamsRaiser Mon 26-Nov-12 21:45:28

Part of me hopes this post is a piss-take...

Of course your DH IBU. It's ridiculous to say that they 'arent doing anything with their spare morning'. He seems to think that their time together with your DS should only be spent as your DH sees fit.

Looking after a two year old is knackering, even as a 30-something. Doing it when you're 60-something, for 9 hours... I salute your parents. They obviously want to spend time with your DS, but make sure that it is quality time. I see nothing wrong with a morning at nursery then an afternoon spent with them.

Mind you, I'm amazed you found a nursery which could take your son, if it's only 3-4 mornings per year!

ChaoticismyLife Mon 26-Nov-12 21:45:45

Your DH is BVU

Agree with Worra especially when it's someone else's child.

3monkeys3 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:48:58

So this is only 3 times in a whole year? I can see you dh's point, though I'm not sure you'll be able to raise it without upsetting your parents and potentially losing their help altogether.

highlandcoo Mon 26-Nov-12 21:51:09

Your parents will have a lovely few hours with your DS instead of being exhausted after a very long day. I would rather look after a 2-yr-old for four hours than ten!

What on earth does it matter to your DH?

Procrastinating Mon 26-Nov-12 21:53:04

I see your DH's side. They should want to spend time with their grandchild. Their routines come before their grandson? Sadly typical of that generation.

Mosschopz Mon 26-Nov-12 21:53:41

DS has a full time nursery place...and I'm picking up vibes that folk on here will flame me for that.
I have told DH he is BU but his views stem from his experience - his parents are mid-70's and jump at the chance to babysit for full days but at present can't as DFIL is recovering from treatment.
And DH does his bit.
Sorry to drip feed.

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