Judgemental cowbag

(25 Posts)

Collecting my mum from the station. Her train is 2 hours late. While waiting i stupidly run down my battery and the car won't start.

So, i'm stuck by the side of the road in central London, waiting for the AA. Can't leave the car to get a coffee or anything as AA due any minute.

I left the house prepared for a drive to and from the station, mother and baby dressed accordingly. Not so much as a nappy to my name. Rookie parenting mistake, DD is my first and I've only been at this motherhood lark 6 months and am proving to be pretty crap at it so am still getting the hang of things.

Anyway, DD hates cars and car seats (& pushchairs and her cot but that's by the by) so after 15 mins of singing and climbing she is screaming the place down so I get out. She is placated well of course, she got her way! and stops crying to look at all the exciting sights kings cross has to offer.

She is dressed in inside clothes with a blanket wrapped round her and she is happy.

99% of people Who walked past grinned at her, some were even kind enough to pull faces for her.

Then Ms judgemental comes past loudly proclaiming to her friend about how bad it is having a baby outside in the cold and wet without a coat on. "poor little thing " etc.

FFS, like i was WANTING to be carrying her round in the cold drizzle rather than have her snug in her car seat and me warm and cosy mumsnetting Beside her? The baby dictator was the one who wanted out, not me!

So AIBU to ask you all, next time you feel the judgey coming on, whether on here, or in real life, to pause for a second and imagine what possible scenario might make what you are seeing make sense. Then assume it is the truth. And suspend judgement. And certainly resist the temptation to pass bloody snide comment out loud.

ihatethecold Mon 26-Nov-12 21:07:29

You have my sympathy. I have had 3 kids and I would still get caught out.
If your both happy then don't worry about others judging you.
Hope you get sorted soon and your mum appreciates you picking her up.

plantsitter Mon 26-Nov-12 21:11:11

Well, I agree with you, but why not focus on the 99% of nice grinning people and not the 1% of silly cows? I'm sure you're not crap at being a mother. I bet you're great. Or, like most of us after only 6 months, a bit by-the-seat-of-your-pantsy but well-intentioned and that is the most important thing!

WilsonFrickett Mon 26-Nov-12 21:11:25

Oh bless you. She is a cowbag. Make a placard maybe grin

Rookie mistake indeed, which I still make two years later.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 26-Nov-12 21:12:07

You have my sympathy too. I expect though somebody will post about you and your inability to plan properly... this is the most judgemental and ridiculously petty board sometimes.

Ignore all judgemental people all the time; leave them to their views that their 'judgements shape society for the better'... complete tosh! Many of us don't believe that.

CaliforniaLeaving Mon 26-Nov-12 21:12:50

Poor you, it happens to us all at least once (then you leave wipes and nappies in the boot at all times)
I actually found an ancient pack of wipes and nappies in my old car when I emptied it out newborn size when Dd was nearly potty trained grin
I promise not to hike up my judgy pants when I see moms by broken cars jiggling babies in the cold from now on wink

whatsforyou Mon 26-Nov-12 21:17:37

Could be worse, you could be in your pyjamas shock

rogersmellyonthetelly Mon 26-Nov-12 21:18:39

Been there, done that, have used clean tea towel from grandmas house to fashion make shift nappy for the trip home!
She was being an arse, don't let it bother you. And for the record, the tea towel incident was my second baby, so I didn't even have the rookie excuse.

wigglesrock Mon 26-Nov-12 21:30:22

I was shopping with my dd3 (note my third grin) last week. She was standing in the back of the trolley (yes I know), and took her coat, shoes and socks off and threw them on the floor, then when a particular judgey person was walking past - she started with a hacking cough and a runny nose - all whilst glaring at me in a disdainful, gloating way grin She's 21 months!

EuroShagmore Mon 26-Nov-12 21:35:53

You have my sympathy. I broke down last November having just popped out to the supermarket with an underground car park. I was just wearing a cardigan because I was only expecting to be outside to cover the 1.5metres from my front door to the car, not standing for AGES by the side of the A2 waiting for the RAC and then a breakdown truck in the freezing bloody cold. In the end we called a cab so Mr Euro could go home and pick up some coats and scarves!

Oh, she was being a cowbag, but you knew that already. grin

Can you find a friendly cabbie to give you a jump start?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 26-Nov-12 21:48:34

God knows what the passing pensioners thought of me trailing dd1 back to the car barefoot in the rather posh end of the genteel seaside resort we went to last week. She went in the sea and got water in her wellies and then threw a strop and wouldn't put her rights or wellies back on.

It was only about twenty five yards from the beach to the car but there suddenly seemed to be an awful lot of posh old ladies tut-tutting at me.

You haven't sympathy. People always jump to conclusions. It's human nature and a far more exciting bit of gossip for them.

Icelollycraving Mon 26-Nov-12 21:50:16

Oh I'm sure you are not doing a bad job at all. Poor little thing? Forget it. I make mistakes,ds is almost 17 months. No one is perfect,if someone thinks they are,they are wrong,they lack humility.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 26-Nov-12 21:51:14

Oh god, I will always have fat fingers.

Tights and have my.

I have become a lot less judgmental since being on Mumsnet. I actually caught myself musing "What would AIBU say?" the other day! confused

I'll be honest, prior to DD I probably would have wondered why someone was standing outside the car with a baby in late November.

That's because i was living in a fantasy world where babies sat coo-ing in car seats, snoozed in their pushchairs and fell asleep in their cots, with just a peck on the forehead and a 'night night baby'. Ha! Bloody fool.

maddening Mon 26-Nov-12 22:15:48

I second the taxi plan - once caught out (pre child) I got a cheep set of jump leads and they live in the boot - a taxi cost me £2 if there was no one around to get a jump off - those jump leads have saved me quite a good many times <long run of old 2nd hand cars>

it is stressful breaking down with a toddler - I felt quite vulnerable with ds.

Taxiis a good idea but I didn't realise it was the battery until the AA said that was the problem. The car is 13 years old and so anything could go at any moment.
Which does make my lack of preparedness all the more rubbish.

I had my jump leads nicked hmm

LivingThings Mon 26-Nov-12 22:29:33

...... Not so much as a nappy to my name. Rookie parenting mistake,......"

Err NO your "rookie parenting mistake" is actually caring what these people were thnking.

seeker Mon 26-Nov-12 22:34:53

The rookie parenting mistake was even noticing the 1% when the other 99% were lovely.

pictish Mon 26-Nov-12 22:35:19

Yes I totally sympathise.

Snap judgements based on fiction. Got to love it.

SirBoobAlot Mon 26-Nov-12 22:45:42

You will only make the mistake of not taking a nappy out once wink

And the one idiot is just that, don't let it get to you.

pixwix Mon 26-Nov-12 22:57:24

Pmsl! Oh bless you! grin

I remember with Ds1 - I used to go to a postnatal group with the HV - it was all us nervous new mums, doing stuff like baby resus, weaning topics, baby massage etc - really it was about building up friendships etc..

second postnatal group, I woke up, ds1 was really knackered, and went back to sleep, so did I. we woke up with minutes to spare. I was desperate to get out, so I got him ready - only to find we had no nappies! We NEVER had no nappies - it was like being without oxygen - how did this happen??

I did a 360' exorcist style headspin, and managed to find a newborn nappy, which was too small. Undaunted, I got out the insulation tape and wound it round him a few times - after all, its an hour, and is he really likely to crap in the next hour?

15 mins into PNG, the babies all around in their car-seats/carriers, and Ds1 turns puce, waves his fist and goes HHNNNGGGHHHH! everyone laughs, and I slope off to the back of the room where the changing station is. I am hyperventilating, and sweating. WHY did I not think he would immediately poo? WHY did I not think to pick up some spares en route? FGS am a mother - allegedly a crap one. I manage to catch the eye of one of the women there, and frantically signal her over with my eyebrows..

She comes over "have you a spare nappy?" I say sotto voce...

She laughs, and rummages in her bag. I lift up ds1's top - with the bright red insulation tape around his nappy.. we pause - and fall about laughing, whilst I try desperately to unwind him - we laugh even harder - by the time the HV came over, we were on the floor!

Ds1 is now 15, and am good mates with this mum - our boys are like brothers, and we've been on holiday together etc - but I'll never forget how stupid I felt, and how we bonded over the insulation tape!

Lionsntigersnbears Mon 26-Nov-12 23:01:42

Oh my god its not like I've not done the exact same thing. You are no way unreasonable!

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