To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

(419 Posts)
TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 09:58:55

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:20:32

<peers through bushes at imperial >

megandraper Mon 26-Nov-12 10:21:25

Well, I'm going to go against everyone in the thread and say YABU. In your situation I would have let her go ahead.

And waitingimpatiently IME, some disabled people I have known have wanted to be treated as equals until it benefits them.
Your comment sounds very unpleasant. Replace the word 'disabled' with 'black' or 'female' or 'gay' - do you think this comment still sounds acceptable?

ImperialStateKnickers Mon 26-Nov-12 10:21:26

Listen Tango, don't feel guilty - you aren't responsible for her. Like everyone else has said.

Don't want to go to work this morning... but have to, bye all.

ImperialStateKnickers Mon 26-Nov-12 10:22:53

well everyone apart from bedhopper grin see you later Mrsjay, quite possibly in your bushes as I'm off walking other people's dogs!

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:25:35

quite possibly in your bushes as I'm off walking other people's dogs!

I will be lurking all day grin

op just because a person is disabled doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about anything you were running late she was running late that happens sometimes,

McTagster Mon 26-Nov-12 10:25:43

Yanbu. I wouldn't have let her in front of me had I been in your situation either.
Don't lose any sleep over it smile

shinyblackgrape Mon 26-Nov-12 10:25:49

I just don't know with this one! One other option would have been for the shop to quickly open another till or put her stuff through st customer services.

That would have been a better use of the assustant's time than GUI g on regarding respect.

shinyblackgrape Mon 26-Nov-12 10:26:05

"Going on"

Nancy66 Mon 26-Nov-12 10:28:38

No, YANBU but I probably would have let her in front of me anyhow. Seems like the decent thing to do.

exexpat Mon 26-Nov-12 10:33:21

Did you both manage to get the bus in the end?

waitingimpatiently Mon 26-Nov-12 10:34:06

Erm yeah actually I do. Everyone should be treated equal, why should people get privileged checkout places because they are disabled / black / gay? No, I may not have worded my argument perfectly, I totally understand that disabled people need some special privileges, like blue badges, wider spaces etc, but in this case the OP was perfectly reasonable to say no as she had the same reason (or an equally valid one) for being in a rush.

Imagine if an able bodied person had asked the same thing, started raising eyebrows because OP had said no.

Greensleeves Mon 26-Nov-12 10:35:08

your dd is also disabled and your reason for rushing for that bus was related to that SN. So your refusal was completely reasonable. She was rude and selfish IMO.

IWipeArses Mon 26-Nov-12 10:35:52

YWNBU.

Love the idea of letting someone in the queue in front of me because they are black.
Bing bong "Open customer services for the gay gentleman please"

I would have let her go infront.... But only because I wouldn't been to polite/unconfident to say no. I'd have resented it and got myself all annoyed over it and at myself whilst waiting for the next bus.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 26-Nov-12 10:43:53

Nancy Seems like the decent thing to do Why? Because she's disabled? The OP's daughter has autism and has to have her hand held all the time, why should she have to walk a lot further because someone else, who just happens to be in a wheelchair, is running late to catch the bus she would prefer to? The OP was on a tight schedule to get her DD to school as well, the other woman didn't mention needing to get that bus for any other reason than not wanting to wait?!

SoupDragon Mon 26-Nov-12 10:44:54

She wasn't be unreasonable to ask, you weren't unreasonable to refuse. You had a valid reason to get that particular bus.

megandraper Mon 26-Nov-12 10:52:13

Waiting - you are (wilfully?) misunderstanding me.

I did not say you should let someone go ahead in the queue because they are black/gay/female. My comment to you said nothing about queues at all.

I said that your comment - some disabled people I have known have wanted to be treated as equals until it benefits them - was unnecessary and unpleasant, and that substituting the word 'black' or 'gay' or 'female' for 'disabled' in this sentence might help to show why.

RobinSparkles Mon 26-Nov-12 10:52:57

YANBU.

Personally, if I knew I was going to miss a bus and it was 40 mins until the next one I would just think, "oh dear I've missed one bus, never mind I'll take my time with my shopping and have another look around the shop!" confused

There's no need to be waiting in the cold for 40 mins!

Nancy66 Mon 26-Nov-12 10:55:09

Chippin - because I'd hate to be in a wheelchair. Because I imagine every day is a chore and if you can make it a bit easier for them then why not.

Like I said, I don't think the OP was being unreasonable. I'd have just acted differently

TroublesomeEx Mon 26-Nov-12 11:00:19

I agree, if the exchange went as you described then YWNBU.

You both wanted to catch the same bus. Neither of you wanted to wait for equally good reasons (she would be cold waiting for the next bus, you would be cold as would your daughter with SN who would also be late for school).

your dd is also disabled and your reason for rushing for that bus was related to that SN. So your refusal was completely reasonable

^^This.

The woman wasn't BU for asking, but she was U for making such a fuss when you said no, particularly as someone offered to let her go to the front of the other queue. I do hope there was a coffee shop or somewhere warm she could wait for the bus though - waiting in a bus shelter for 40 minutes is no fun for anyone, let alone someone who can't move about to keep warm.

Bogeyface Mon 26-Nov-12 11:01:51

A wheelchair is not an excuse to be rude or a reason to get your own way. I have had to use one for my pelvic problems several times, my son was in one for 2 years before his operation. I would no more have expected us to go first then than I would now.

SoupDragon Mon 26-Nov-12 11:01:56

Because I imagine every day is a chore and if you can make it a bit easier for them then why not.

Because life with an autistic child is also a "chore" and making someone else's day easier makes yours far more difficult?

ZeldaUpNorth Mon 26-Nov-12 11:02:22

If you just caught the bus as it was leaving, chances are if you let her go first, you would have both missed the bus, assuming wheelchairs are slower than walking (no idea) and the fact she had more things to go through the till. Yanbu!

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