Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

(419 Posts)
TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 09:58:55

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

If everything went exactly how you said then no, I dont think YWBU

WorraLiberty England Mon 26-Nov-12 10:02:32

At what point did she say that she wanted to go in front of you because she's disabled?

And of course the checkout operator rushed your stuff through the till...she obviously knew you were in a hurry confused

waitingimpatiently Mon 26-Nov-12 10:03:34

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mrskeithrichards Mon 26-Nov-12 10:03:40

Why did you hang about to hear what the checkout operator talked about?

I don't think Yabu, we all have our reasons for rushing. You said no and sorry, it should've been left at that.

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:03:50

No of course not the time she spent moaning about you letting her go in front she could have gone to another till .

missymoomoomee Mon 26-Nov-12 10:03:53

I don't think YABU. She sounds a bit rude telling you where to get on and off the bus so she isn't inconvenienced.

YWNBU at all. nor was the lady in the wheelchair BU to ask but she was to keep banging on.

TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 10:05:01

Sorry, should have said. She needed to get the XX bus as it's the only one passing her way which she can access with her chair.

TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 10:05:40

I didn't hang about. The till operator was talking to her as she was serving me.

5hounds Mon 26-Nov-12 10:05:41

Yanbu

KenLeeeeeee Mon 26-Nov-12 10:06:04

Hmm, I'm on the fence about this one.

On the one hand, it must be pretty miserable knowing that you'll have to wait an age for the next wheelchair accessible bus (and hope that you can get on that one!). Years ago I dated a guy who used a wheelchair and he used to get very downcast about how difficult public transport was and how unaccommodating people often were about it. If you had more options to get to where you needed to be than this lady did, then I would have been inclined to let her go first.

Then again, the idea that you were expected to risk making yourself late and making life difficult for your daughter who has Autism, doesn't sit right either.

I'm afraid I can't decide if you were BU or not!

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Mon 26-Nov-12 10:06:10

Yanbu. She should not have been cutting it so fine if she was in a rush and new she would have a long wait.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Mon 26-Nov-12 10:07:00

<adds missing K to new>

TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 10:08:13

To be fair, i was in the shortest queue, so there wasn't another one she could join which would've been quicker. She just looked genuinely shocked when i said no, as if she thought i would definitely agree to letting her in front. I feel really crappy about and not sure if i should've let her in front and forked out for a taxi instead.

tiggytape Mon 26-Nov-12 10:08:56

She had no idea you were rushing to catch the same bus as her so she was not being unreasonable in asking to go in front of you. If you don't ask you don't get and all that!

But once you had explained that you too needed the same bus, she should have left it at that instead of questioning your route and your DD's additional needs as to why only that bus was suitable for you.

If you'd just refused on principle then that would have been your choice but pretty unreasonable. As it is, your need was no less than hers so she was very rude to argue with you over it in a shop full of people.

ImperialStateKnickers Mon 26-Nov-12 10:10:14

Yanbu. As a matter of interest, did you both make the xx bus in the end?

DameEnidsOrange Mon 26-Nov-12 10:12:00

YWNBU and I say this as someone who has needed a wheelchair in the past, and has a DC with ASD, so can see both sides.

happyinherts Mon 26-Nov-12 10:12:09

No I don't think you were being unreasonable.

Neither do I think you needed to justify yourself regarding your shopping and your daughter's autism. You needed that bus too and she should have allowed herself a little more time to shop and catch bus. As you say, if she had fewer items than you did you would have been willing to let her in front of you. She was probably stressed realising she was cutting it fine for bus and you were in wrong place at wrong time. Don't let it worry you.

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:14:22

Yanbu. As a matter of interest, did you both make the xx bus in the end?

wondering that too did she get her bus along with the op wouldve been kinda frosty with her glaring at the op grin

TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 10:15:40

No, Imperial sad. Me and dd made it just as the bus was getting ready to leave, so she would've had to wait on the next one.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 26-Nov-12 10:16:38

YANBU

Obviously she wasn't unreasonable to ask, but the point at which you said 'Sorry no, I need to get that bus as well' was when she became totally unreasonable.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Mon 26-Nov-12 10:16:42

YANBU. It was fine for her to ask but very rude if her to keep going on about it after you had said no.

ImperialStateKnickers Mon 26-Nov-12 10:18:46

Yoo hoo Mrsjay <waves>

PeppermintCreams Mon 26-Nov-12 10:20:22

What TiggyTape said. It was a fair request from her until you said you were catching the same bus.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now