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DP on lads holiday?

(191 Posts)
ukipjr2008 Sun 25-Nov-12 14:20:32

I'm 22 and my DP is 26. We have been together for 2.5 years and lived together for 2 years.

Next year my DP wanted to go on holiday with his mates during term time (I'm a teacher so can only go on holidays during school holidays.) I said I didn't mind as long as it wasn't a stereotypical 18-30 clubbing place. It makes me really uncomfortable to think of him going to one of those places, I think he's too old for it and it's embarrasing for both me and himself. Also I know what his friends are like, they don't actively hate me but it's not like they're my friends at all and all the people he are going with are single and the type that would egg him on to do stupid stuff. I don't think he would cheat on me and he never has before or anything, but I think that there is a definitely a strong chance that he would push the boundaries of what would upset me. Plus despite all of that I would really miss him if he went away for as long as a week. We were apart for a week about 6 months after we first got together and when he came back he said he missed me so much he wouldn't go again, that's obviously not how he feels anymore!!

he is insisting of going to one of these places as they're 'so much cheaper' and it's 'not fair on anyone else if they have to pay more'. At first I wasn't happy with him going on holiday at all but then I conceded, but now he is determined to go to one of these places I'm really upset. He says he is booking it anyway, I'm embarrassing him and that I'm being really unreasonable.

Well the question is... AIBU? Whatever happens I will never change being upset that he is going and the week that he is there will be absolutely awful, but I guess if enough people that weren't his idiotic mates thought I was being stupid maybe I would try to make the effort to pretend that I'm not upset about it at least. So any answers appreciated.......

MargeySimpson Mon 26-Nov-12 10:32:14

No way on gods earth would DP go away with his single mates!

Even though I know DP wouldn't cheat, it's not a place for a man in a relationship to go, hundereds of slaggy girls in tiny clothes getting really drunk. No way jose.

I can't believe the amount of people think this is clingy? i'm 22 too, maybe as you get older you start to care less?

mortimersraven Mon 26-Nov-12 10:34:06

No! Of course not <slaps face emoticon>

IAmSoFuckingRock Mon 26-Nov-12 10:34:58

i've been to 18-30 type places twice with a friend who wasn't single either time. we never once got shitfaced or naked round the pool , nor did anyone else at either of the hotels we stayed at. and one of the hotels was really shit, no rules, drugs everywhere, vomit on the stairs but still no nakedness or shitfaced at the pool (or in the public areas of the hotel).

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 26-Nov-12 10:35:00

I'm 24 and think this is very clingy.

Snorbs Mon 26-Nov-12 10:37:08

"maybe as you get older you start to care less?"

Or maybe as you get older you just grow up.

IAmSoFuckingRock Mon 26-Nov-12 10:37:48

margey what is the problem with girls (i wont use that other word you did!) in tiny clothes getting drunk if you know your dp wont cheat?

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Nov-12 10:38:21

Even though I know DP wouldn't cheat, it's not a place for a man in a relationship to go, hundereds of slaggy girls in tiny clothes getting really drunk

How lovely Marge hmm

And if you 'know' your DP wouldn't cheat, why would you have a problem with the 'slaggy' girls?

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Nov-12 10:40:04

At the end of the day a cheat is a cheat is a cheat.

If they're going to be unfaithful it doesn't matter if they're skiing at Cloisters or sunbathing naked in the Costa Del Sol.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 26-Nov-12 10:42:52

Didn't there used to be a programme on television filming men and women on group holidays in Ibiza or somewhere similar?

There was always one or two of the group who looked on whilst their mates went on a pulling mission because they had girlfriends/boyfriends at home.

OP and Marge - how offended would you be if your DP's told you you couldn't go out with your friends because you might cheat? How controlling would that be?

A bloke doesn't need to go abroad to cheat anymore than a woman does. If they're going to cheat they could find a someone to cheat with at the coffee shop on their lunch breaks.

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:45:18

Or maybe as you get older you just grow up.

^ ^ this

and slaggy girls <shudder> seriouslymargey do you think girls who dress in itty bitty clothes are some sort of temptresses to lure away men,

MargeySimpson Mon 26-Nov-12 10:46:49

Did you not read my post Alis? I said I KNOW he WOULDN'T cheat. But it's an environment a man should be in if he's so serious he's living with a woman? It's not an appropriate place

IAmSoFuckingRock Mon 26-Nov-12 10:49:11

how is it not appropriate? confused

what makes it not appropriate? the women or the alcohol or the sunshine? because he can get all that during the summer in britain if he goes out with his mates.

FivesAndNorks Mon 26-Nov-12 10:50:04

" SomersetONeil

There's a reason most people don't settle down aged 22. Or 26 for the matter"

Think we may be hitting a north south divide here. I've been with Dh since 18, yes, young. But we married at 25 and started having children at 27, which was fairly standard among our groups of friends.

wigglesrock Mon 26-Nov-12 10:50:29

YABU, I've gone away with my sister to Ibiza shock, without my husband and my children [double shock ] before. He finds it difficult sometimes to get time off work - I didn't cheat, I had a fab time - I shopped, drank, sneaky smoked, sunbathed and talked, mind you I'm really old so maybe I'm a lot more confident in my relationship.

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:50:48

But it's an environment a man should be in if he's so serious he's living with a woman? It's not an appropriate place

what is an appropriate place for a man who is in a relationship not to go away with his friends or go golfing or something is that more appropriate , these holiday places are not for me personally but my dh has been on a stag do to a holiday resort they got drunk and came home hungover , I am sure there was a lot of girls going around with very little on,

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 26-Nov-12 10:51:01

But...why isn't it appropriate? It's no less inappropriate than him going out to a couple of clubs/bars with his mates. There will still be drunk women who may or may not try it on with him.

Holidays like this have never appealed to me personally <boring face> but a lot of people enjoy them...and manage not to cheat on their partners.

MargeySimpson Mon 26-Nov-12 10:53:01

rock have you even been to kavos/kos/ibiza. it is not like the uk, trust me.
Inhibitions are lowered to a scary level, because people are on holiday and feel free. I'm not saying these girls try and make men stray, i'm saying they couldn't give two shits if he's married with kids or single, because they probably won't even remember his name in the morning.

wigglesrock Mon 26-Nov-12 10:55:35

MargerySimpson Well its up to him to give two shiney shites if he's married surely.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 26-Nov-12 10:56:27

Margey - a bloke could meet a woman like that in the supermarket. Women (and men) like that exist outside of Ibiza.

If my DP ever called in to question my ability to remain faithful,I would probably end it. Regardless of whether I was going to a bar,the shop or on holiday with a couple of friends.

IAmSoFuckingRock Mon 26-Nov-12 10:58:55

yep was in ibiza (stayed right in the centre of St Antonio) in july and benidorm last summer. i know what it's like.

" i'm saying they couldn't give two shits if he's married with kids or single, because they probably won't even remember his name in the morning"

why on earth would that affect your DP? he's not a cheat so he wouldn't be there with them in the morning.

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 10:59:20

they couldn't give two shits if he's married with kids or single, because they probably won't even remember his name in the morning.

.. and your point is people do weird things on holiday and especially if they are single doesn't mean attached people will cheat .

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Mon 26-Nov-12 11:00:19

I wonder if this is a stage in the bloke's plan to escape from this clutching, bleating woman. Your 20s are a time for having fun, not for 'settling down', and the reason his friends don't like her is probably because even if he's only watching the football she's texting him every 10 minutes and if she actually comes to the pub she's the sort who follows him to the loo to make sure he doesn't look at other women.

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Nov-12 11:01:09

I think Margey is worried the 'slags' in little itty bitty clothing are going to jump out from behind a sand castle and pin 'her man' down....

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 26-Nov-12 11:03:18

Worra grin <snigger>

Mrsjay Mon 26-Nov-12 11:04:27

I think Margey is worried the 'slags' in little itty bitty clothing are going to jump out from behind a sand castle and pin 'her man' down....

bet he wears lynx grin

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