Are this bride and groom being unreasonable?

(172 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 13:56:11

Upcoming wedding, children are welcome. Quite large scale do.

One couple are being invited minus their DCs however, because they are very badly behaved. They have run amok at a wedding earlier in the year that the B&G of this wedding were present at. They have also done similar at other social gatherings.

The parents do not discipline their DCs. The mother refuses to because (and she does admit this) she is worried the DCs won't love her if she tells them off. The father is handsoff and defers to the mother on all childrearing issues. This has been the case since they were small children. One is now 10, the other 7.

The parents are angry the DCs have been excluded from this wedding and are thinking of confronting their friends. B&G did not want to have a childfree wedding, but they really do not want the drama and disturbance that accompanies this family with the undisciplined DCs. Other guests that have been present for the behaviour before have actively thanked the B&G for taking this step.

Who is unreasonable? The B&G for excluding the DCs, or the parents for kicking up a fuss about it?

YouReethra Sun 25-Nov-12 13:57:32

No they are NBU.

Good on them. Their wedding and all that.

CuriousMama Sun 25-Nov-12 13:58:47

No brainer really.

scarletforya Sun 25-Nov-12 13:58:50

Parents are unreasonable. They can't have it all ways. The Mother won'r
discipline because she is afraid the kids won't like her? Well, the result of that is nobody likes her kids. She'd better get used to it. You reap what you sow and all that.

Their wedding, their choice.

I don't blame them for doing it though I can't decide if they are being unreasonable. I do think well done though, why should they put up with other peoples children's bad behaviour at their special day?

Rosa Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:17

B&G def not .. Maybe the parents will get a reality check about why they are being excluded and if I was the bride I would tell her so ... WOuld probably say get a grip as well to them.... ( FGS sake not telling them off incase they don't love her ....try saying that when they are 20 and seriously f***d up)

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:34

Not being unreasonable but they are asking for a lot of drama as they will have to explain to the couple why their children are not invited - in the long run it may help them to understand why their children need to be reined in, however because of the age they are its probably a bit late - they must be really bad to have made an impression at a wedding at the age they are at.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:36

The parents can be as upset as they like,it's up to the B&G who is invited. It's their wedding,they're not obliged to make other people happy. So they a nbu.

Parents might want to try actually disciplining their children in future. But really their only option is to either go and not take the children or don't go. I don't think the B&G would be that bothered either way really.

MammaTJ Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:43

The parents are unreasonable. They are unreasonable for not parenting their children in the first place and they are unreasonable to kick up a fuss.

lubeybooby Sun 25-Nov-12 14:00:15

Nope NBU, why have anyone around that will spoil it for all.

derekthehamster Sun 25-Nov-12 14:00:18

What a tricky situation the B&G are in!! As long as the B&G are willing to explain why they have done this (and I assume they are, because they've made it very obvious) then I think the guests abu. I wonder if the friendship will survive though, and i wouldn't be surprised if they decline the invitation.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 25-Nov-12 14:01:08

Are you the mother or the bride?

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:02:25

This is what I think, so thank you!

The B&G are close friends of DP and I, the B is concerned she has made some massive social faux pas. I have told her, as a witness to the last wedding, that I fully support her choice and I know things will be smoother and happier without them there.

Someone else has told the mother of the DCs that this is why they have been left off the invitation, she whined that she was scared her DCs wouldn't love her if they had rules and were disciplined.

She just doesn't seem to get it.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:02:46

I'm neither, Saggy.

scaevola Sun 25-Nov-12 14:02:50

B&G are NBU to choose who they want at their wedding, and inability of a guest to behave seems a fair criterion tbh.

They are however BU in making their reasoning known. This will all end in tears. Stand well clear.

Marzipanface Sun 25-Nov-12 14:03:39

Their wedding and their choice. They need to be prepared to tell the parents why their kids are not invited though. Something along the lines of 'If your children attend then they cannot behave like they did at X's wedding. If they do, we will ask you as a whole family to leave our wedding'.

At this point I should imagine family would decline invite anyway!

mercibucket Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:01

Brave decision. End of friendship I would think but maybe a wake-up call for the parents

mercibucket Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:01

Brave decision. End of friendship I would think but maybe a wake-up call for the parents

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:15

Tidy, you're not the Bruce, are you? smile

B&G have the right to invite whomever they want.
Parents are being ridiculous. And not doing their children any flavours.

Just wondering: what would B&G do if the parents show up with children in tow regardless of the invitation? They sound like nutters, they just might shock.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:50

The Bruce?

The BRIDE, obvs blush.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:05:06

The B&G would've told the parents themselves, someone else just assumed this was the reason as their children were invited and got there first, which I don't think helped.

I will face this problem myself when DP and I get married, as this couple will be on our guest list too.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 25-Nov-12 14:06:08

Do the parents know why the children have not been invited?

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:06:57

Ooh, I'd like to be The Bruce, sounds like The Hulk or something! grin

I'm very definitely not the bride though, although as above it could be me who is facing this issue next with my wedding. I will not be having a childfree wedding either.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:07:23

Oh FFS, FAVOURS, not flavours.

Autocorrect fail day.

Sounds like a much needed wake-up call for the parents!

I invited a close friend but not her boyfriend to my wedding because I knew he would drink too much, take drugs, and generally cause problems. She begged and begged me to let him come, promised that he'd be on his best behaviour, and I relented. And guess what? He drank too much, got stoned, upset several guests with his conversation, and ruined the meal. It was only a lunch for 45 people so we couldn't even hide him in a corner somewhere. The bride and groom should stick to their guns.

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