To just want this over now

(28 Posts)
freakingaht Sat 24-Nov-12 10:56:28

After discovering I am pregnant for the third time (unplanned, coil in situ) My husband and I have had an awful few days trying to work out what to do for the best. This was very much an unwanted pregnancy as we have 2 gorgeous kids and had decided that we would stop at two. I had a tough time in my last pregancy and nearly ruptured my uterus in labour so i was advised by the midwife to not have any more. My husband was going to have a vascectomy in a couple of years, as we were only 99% sure and needed to be absolutely sure we would not change our minds. Anyway now the decision has been made to not continue with this pregnancy. I am in constant turmoil and my guts are wretched with nerves as well as the starting of morning sickness. I just don't know how I am going to wait til my appointment on Thursday, as it feels like a lifetime away.
Please, I just want some support as I can't tell antone in RL what I am going through and its so hard having only my husband to talk to. I really don't want any pro- lifers hijacking this as I feel guilty enough as it is.

differentagainname Sat 24-Nov-12 20:55:05

reading your op could have been reading about myself. different medical situation/risks etc. but similar story except I wasn't brave enough to ask for support from mumsnet - thought by writing it down it would make it more real and worried about people being mean :-(. Went through with it about a month ago now - was emotionally exhausting but was definitely the right decision for me. Was something I never thought i'd do, especially being in a loving relationship but i couldn't risk what i've already got (if you see what i mean). I felt all the things you describe - angry that we were in that position, sad that we had to make that awful decision, despite our best precautions.....

feel free to pm me - the wait was the worst bit.

xx

IllageVidiot Sat 24-Nov-12 20:56:54

I too have nothing useful to add - just a handhold.

I'm sorry you are in this position and have had to make a choice you didn't want to make. I have thought about this quite a lot since I read your OP - I know I would struggle with the emotional impact of this, I am pro-choice and in your situation I am sure we would make the same decision. I did get unexpectedly pregnant and we cant have any more, we were having some long talks but before a decision was settled on I had a miscarriage so it was taken out of my hands.
In other situations the logical and right arguments have been many - the emotional pull still made going through with it difficult. However I know everything we have done has been for the good of our family, that doesn't initially diminish the sadness but it has meant I don't regret any of the choices we made.

Please talk as much as you need to. Be kind to yourself - take advantage of any offers of counselling as it can be a great benefit to be able to face all of your feelings in a safe space and help to ensure you can move on having allowed yourself to feel sad, guilty and angry but also to know that you have done the right thing for yourself, family and children. Take care.

shinyrobot Sat 24-Nov-12 22:47:52

You are making the right decision, purely and simple because whatever you decide right now will be the right decision. There is no wrong one.

You have obviously thought it through, you have looked at the pros and cons, you have discussed it with your DH, you have come to a decision having done all of this, but you cannot expect to feel 100% positive that you are right, no one could, and the gap between even 99% and 100% can feel overwhelming when you are in the middle of it all.

As others have said, try to keep busy, avoid second guessing yourself and lean on your DH a lot. You will ride out the emotional side because you are strong and you have your family to take care of.

You don't sound like a drama queen btw, not at all. You sound like a human being who is in a very unpleasant situation and is trying hard to do the right thing. Other people may have dealt with worse situations but this is happening to you right now and you are having to deal with it. I hope the support you have on here has helped in some small way.

I wish you the very best

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