to be annoyed that we are excluded

(177 Posts)
Flojo1979 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:06:18

Here comes the excuses, so far I've batted them back with good humour but its fading fast.
Been seeing someone on and off for a while, he spends time art mine, with my young kids etc.
Hes off to NEC with his son tomorrow who I havent met.
I just invited myself and DD to go to, as he knows we love motorbikes too.
Cue excuses.
So far we've had 'u know I'm going with DS', to which I replied 'oh sorry for confusion, I meant we all go then u see us and DS, win win, wharves time are u picking me up?' To which he replied 'told u I'm going with DS' to which I replied 'thats fine, can't wait to meet him. What time shall I be ready for' .....
I'm on a hiding to nothing ain't it?
How on earth do I salvage this?

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 18:08:24

OMG if I was seeing someone on and off and they acted like that because I wanted to take my DS out alone, I wouldn't want to salvage anything.

Are you always this pushy?

Tweasels Fri 23-Nov-12 18:08:26

Surely he has a right to spend time alone with his son. YABU.

You sound very pushy, strange behaviour in my book.

scurryfunge Fri 23-Nov-12 18:09:30

If your relationship has been on and off then maybe he doesn't want to introduce you yet. Maybe his ex partner makes unreasonable demands about who her child may see. Maybe the child doesn't want to meet you yet.

OddBoots Fri 23-Nov-12 18:09:55

I think you salvage it by working out why this is annoying you and discussing that with him rather than approaching it in a passive aggressive way.

That said, it takes two and he is just as bad for not discussing with you why he'd rather you not go.

For what it's worth I'd not want to introduce a new partner to my child if things have been 'on and off for a while' - things would have to be solid and serious for a wile.

HeathRobinson Fri 23-Nov-12 18:10:42

What reason does he give for you not meeting his son, when he's met your kids?

olddogs Fri 23-Nov-12 18:12:01

maybe she isnt his ex.....

backforhelp Fri 23-Nov-12 18:12:56

Is his DS quite young? Not sure from your OP if you are talking about a little one or an older teenage/adult DS which will make a difference.

bubblepop Fri 23-Nov-12 18:13:12

He is obviously not ready for you to meet his DS, might be nothing to do with you whatsoever. Maybe he does not get much time alone with him? Perhaps though, you should consider organizing something alone with your own children, and don't invite him along...to see if it bothers him the same way it bothers you.

Flojo1979 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:13:34

Just to add, his DS is 18 not a kid.
And I feel I should push because its not fair that I have included him in my family months ago and he's holding back on me.
I know everyone moves at different rates but I felt is was a now or never moment.
And now I'm not sure I've got the nerve to follow it through as it seems like there's only one way this will end for me. Badly.

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 23-Nov-12 18:14:06

Yabu!
Hr has every right to spend time with his ds alone.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 23-Nov-12 18:14:48

He wants to go with his son not you, what's the problem?

grovel Fri 23-Nov-12 18:15:16

He wants "Dad and his Lad" time. His DS is probably incredibly excited about it. His experience will be completely different if looking at motorbikes with Dad is changed to to looking at motorbikes with Dad and a bunch of strangers (one of whom, awkwardly, my Dad appears to fancy).

YABU.

TiggyD Fri 23-Nov-12 18:15:25

YABU.

Are you planning on wearing a wedding dress when you meet him there?

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 23-Nov-12 18:16:24

Maybe his ds does not want to meet you and he is sparing your feelings by not telling you?

Flojo1979 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:16:45

Damn it!

Are you suspicious that it's not his "son" he's off with?

shinyblackgrape Fri 23-Nov-12 18:17:37

Um....to salvage........I would stop texting.

I think it's best to discuss anything like this in person in any event.

Let him go with his DS alone tomorrow. You don't want to spoil that fir his DS. Then discuss it with him when you're next together.

I know from friends who are separated-divorced with children that different people have different time scales for introductions. Yiu need to see if you can agree a time for introductions but you must respect his time frames on this - particularly if you've been off and on.

Flojo1979 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:17:46

Angel its not that. I don't even think he knows I exist.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Fri 23-Nov-12 18:17:47

You are being very pushy.

It doesn't matter what's fair. You make the choices about your family, he makes ten choices about his. He is not obliged to introduce you to his family just because you have allowed him to meet your dc. You probably shouldn't have let your dc meet someone that you are on/off with and who hasn't let you meet his family first, but you did and that's your choice. If he's been more sensible, then good for him.

tisnottheseasonyet Fri 23-Nov-12 18:17:51

yabvu, why won't you allow him time alone with his son? Hope he sees the red flags.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Fri 23-Nov-12 18:18:34

And if the son is 18 and your kids are little, that is a massively different dynamic to a day out than 'dad and teenage son'. The day revolves around little kids in many ways.

Tweasels Fri 23-Nov-12 18:19:15

If his son is 18 he will have a say in whether he wants to meet you. Which he might not.

YOU made the decision to let him meet your children. That doesn't mean he has to reciprocate. His son is an adult and you have no right to force yourself on him.

Flojo1979 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:19:45

Pumpkin no, I think it's def DS but I just feel like he's holding back on me and I'm upset as I feel like his horrible secret.
When I've been nothing but open and inviting with him.
I guess we are just too different.

He doesn't want you to meet his son - if you're not ok with that then move on to someone else.

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