To hate 'the wife'?

(89 Posts)
cheekybaubles Fri 23-Nov-12 11:29:38

AIBU to have a go at DH because he addressed me as 'the wife' to someone else? I mean did I wake up this morning in the 1980's during an episode of Boon or something? Urgh!

Hammy02 Fri 23-Nov-12 13:52:13

Its better than 'current wife'. wink

PetFox Fri 23-Nov-12 13:52:56

OP YANBU, I hate 'the wife' and all the other phrases mentioned on this thread too! I don't think they're a sign of anything sinister necessarily, they just sound dismissive compared to using someone's name. I appreciate that most people are probably using them out of misguided affection though.

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella Fri 23-Nov-12 13:53:20

Meh, not bothered tbh-there are much worse things to be called....

vjg13 Fri 23-Nov-12 13:55:40

YANBU, also dislike 'other half'. No actually I'm a whole person!

SoupDragon Fri 23-Nov-12 13:57:24

Does he treat you with respect? If so, then it is just a jokey phrase.

Marcheline Fri 23-Nov-12 13:59:59

I bloody hate 'the wife' - if DH ever called me it, he would be in hot water. But he knows that, so he doesn't.

'My wife' - totally fine. 'The wife' - this is objectifying a person and NOT ok.

blueshoes Fri 23-Nov-12 14:01:39

I never use the term 'the husband'. I doubt dh would use the term 'the wife' either, well, not in front of me because he knows the connotations.

Dare I say it but I find that men who use terms like 'the wife' or 'the missus' tend to be of lower social economic standing.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Fri 23-Nov-12 14:02:10

Urgh, "the wife", it sounds like a fixture like "the sink" or "the front door".

I also loathe "the in-laws" when referring to, say, the parents of your girlfriend who you have been with for around 3 months.

Marcheline Fri 23-Nov-12 14:02:41

PetFox - yes, it feels dismissive to me somehow, as well. I don't think it's really about affection, more masculine bravado.

I think it's quite rude actually, I don't see why a 'joke' needs to undermine someone and reduce them to an object. Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

How about "the old ball and chain" which is what I sometimes get from DH?

Thankfully said 100% tongue-in-cheek and we both know it's a joke and it's actually a bit endearing.

Just like when I call him "dirty old man" and he says, "hey, I'm not old!!"

charlmarascoxo Fri 23-Nov-12 14:06:28

I get called his lady to his friends. I'm not sure if I like it but.

I absolutely hate it when people call their boyfriends 'the boy'. It gives me slight rage and I'm quite sure why.

roundtable Fri 23-Nov-12 14:06:53

It's not like he's calling you the bitch.

As someone else said, does he treat you with a respect? It's not something I can get het up about really.

maybenow Fri 23-Nov-12 14:06:54

It doesn't bother me if DH does it (he doesn't often) but that's because he generally shows me respect and we have a very equal relationship so it isn't indicative of an attitude in general.

I'm pretty sure i've referred to him as 'the bloke' at some point..

tisnottheseasonyet Fri 23-Nov-12 14:07:21

I think anyone whose only problem in life is being affectionately called "the wife" is better off than most.

WitchOfEndor Fri 23-Nov-12 14:10:04

I agree with the posters who think that "the wife" makes you sound like an object. My DH send an email announcing that "the wife" had had a baby boy. It annoyed me, especially since everyone who he sent it to knew me by my name.

roundtable Fri 23-Nov-12 14:10:32

'lower social economic standing'

What an outrageously snobby thing to write.

YuffieKisaragi Fri 23-Nov-12 14:11:12

I call Mr my other half. We are not married yet, I feel we are too old for him to be my boyfriend, and fiance sounds wanky. I dislike partner as well but sometimes say that in a formal context.

I oddly don't mind when he refers to me as his girlfriend.

I don't like "the wife" or "the husband", remind me of FIL.

FrankincenseWippery Fri 23-Nov-12 14:11:14

Leave the bastard.

DH calls me this in an ironic way. It amuses me.

Without the irony, he might get debollocked.

YuffieKisaragi Fri 23-Nov-12 14:12:45

charimarascoxo me too! Two of my friends do it and I HATE it.

tisnottheseasonyet Fri 23-Nov-12 14:13:34

"I never use the term 'the husband'. I doubt dh would use the term 'the wife' either, well, not in front of me because he knows the connotations.

Dare I say it but I find that men who use terms like 'the wife' or 'the missus' tend to be of lower social economic standing. "

grin Brilliant, you have an issue with "the wife", but no issue with being incredibly patronising and condescending about an entire group of people!

SecretNutellaFix Fri 23-Nov-12 14:14:41

He's referred to me as "the wife" before now.

I stared at him and said "excuse me? THE wife? I'm not a fucking object. Refer to me as MYwife or by my name."

He hasn't done it in my hearing since.

KenLeeeeeee Fri 23-Nov-12 14:16:58

I have absolutely no feeling about the phrase whatsoever. DH calls me "er indoors" in a jokey way and I don't mind it. In fact, the only time I've ever objected to such a title was when an ex called me "Mar Lady" (say it in a broad Stokey accent). That made me sick in my mouth a bit.

tisnottheseasonyet Fri 23-Nov-12 14:17:29

Do you use abusive language and swear at him often SNF?

KenLeeeeeee Fri 23-Nov-12 14:18:17

For balance, I tend to refer to him simply as "Boy" for no reason whatsoever. It's just stuck.

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