To think that having manners does not mean being a pretentious git?

(73 Posts)
SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 23-Nov-12 08:50:21

To me, having good manners means doing your best to put other people at ease and to be polite in difficult situations.

Apparently, some people think that having good manners is based completely on knowing all the social rules that define a social class - which fork to use, what to talk about/not talk about at dinner, which buttons to do up etc. - and sneer at people who try their best but "aren't quite our sort".

AIBU to think that sneery types are mannerless gits?

yani Fri 23-Nov-12 22:23:47

A vet said it to me once when he came to horse yard.... and I thought it was the start of a question regarding the horse!

AnnaRack Fri 23-Nov-12 22:24:58

I was taught to answer "How do you do?" with Very well, thank you." It's a more formal way of saying "How are you?" when you first meet someone. It's largely been superseded by the more informal "Pleased to meet you".

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 22:26:37

nope it's deffo 'how do you do/how do you do' -
grin @ yani - how do you do...............his hooves?

MorrisZapp Fri 23-Nov-12 22:32:35

Language is funny isn't it. 'How do you do' sounds comically posh, 'how are you' sounds pleasant and normal, and 'how are you doing' sounds Scottish smile

Took me years to work that one out. Always wondered why my English workmates looked a bit baffled by it.

yani Fri 23-Nov-12 22:32:40

Thank you all.
See, round 'ere greetings go something like this,
"Alright mush"
"Yeah, 'right"

Anyway, apologies for thread hi-jack.

Very bad manners blush

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 22:35:29

yes my London greeting of 'owite?' has met with baffled stares on occasions...
one posh Aussie lady looked me up and down and said 'well yes I am all right'

AnnaRack Fri 23-Nov-12 22:50:50

People who say "See you later" when you probably won't ever see them again ...

seeker Sat 24-Nov-12 00:10:07

Noooooooooooooooooo! Never, ever "pleased to meet you!" never!

The correct response to "How do you do." is "How do you do." No inflection to indicate a question. I always get very confused when working with Americans who tend to say "Hi, how you doing" which doesn't require an answer but sounds like it should.

amillionyears only airports and hotels have lounges wink
Curry, like all foods, should be eaten with a knife and fork if in posh surroundings*. If you're out with friends or at home, then you can use just a fork. American etiquette allows much food to be eaten with a fork, but the hand that is not being used should remain on the lap. I read that the Americanism of not using a knife is from the settler-days when using a knife could be seen as an aggresive act.

*Thankfully these days we are no longer expected to eat everything except jelly with a knife and fork. I have etiquette books from the last century which said even apples and pears should be eaten with a knife and fork. Though these same books suggest that 14 year old boys should ensure that their sisters have been offered a cigarette if attending teenager parties.

AnnaRack Sat 24-Nov-12 08:39:57

This seems to have changed from a manners thread to an etiquette thread.There is a difference, and people with good manners generallly overlook breaches of etiquette.

catgirl1976 Sat 24-Nov-12 09:08:09

Good manners is not about not spilling the sauce. It is about pretending not to notice when someone else does

Or something

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 24-Nov-12 09:18:16

So is etiquette using the right fork and manners keeping your moth closed and elbows off the table while eating it.

I always thought manners were please thank you, holding the door open, and not sure what etiquette really is.

pigletmania Sat 24-Nov-12 09:19:35

YANBU good manners cost nothing, anyone can learn them

wigglybeezer Sat 24-Nov-12 09:31:09

Morris, I'm Scottish and have never clocked that "how are you doing" is a Scottish usage, bit like " where do you stay?" As a phrase to confuse non- Scots.

I have yet to receive an invite posh enough to use my knowledge of etiquette, I do know you are meant to butter small pieces of bread one bite at a time rather than butter a while slice at one go and I know to use my cutlery from the outside in.

ethelb Sat 24-Nov-12 20:15:04

Seeker out of interest why shouldn't you say you are pleased to meet them?

AnnaRack Sat 24-Nov-12 21:03:06

Ethel - yes, why? It's clearly more friendly than "How do you do?" and a bit more proactive than just saying hello.
The thing is with etiquette, nobody knows why you do stuff, but with general good manners it's obvious why you do it.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 24-Nov-12 21:22:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 Sat 24-Nov-12 22:04:55

You should never answer "How do you do" with anything other than "How do you do"

It's a greeting. Not a question

marriedinwhite Sun 25-Nov-12 00:25:39

I don't care how people use a knife and fork providing they aren't pretentious. What I cannot abide are the sort of people, when others have gone to trouble to lay on a lunch, say an office lunch of just sandwiches and a few nice bits and pieces to introduce a new team or something similar, who go "ugh - I don't eat that/can't eat that", etc... That is what I call bad manners.

seeker Sun 25-Nov-12 08:31:20

"I don't care how people use a knife and fork providing they aren't pretentious"

How can you use a knife and fork in a pretentious way?

marriedinwhite Sun 25-Nov-12 09:54:55

Pretentious generally.

seeker Mon 26-Nov-12 12:21:21

Actually, I realise that I don't actually know what pretentious means!

goralka Mon 26-Nov-12 12:22:58

i think it means pretending to be something you are not.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now