To think that having manners does not mean being a pretentious git?

(73 Posts)
SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 23-Nov-12 08:50:21

To me, having good manners means doing your best to put other people at ease and to be polite in difficult situations.

Apparently, some people think that having good manners is based completely on knowing all the social rules that define a social class - which fork to use, what to talk about/not talk about at dinner, which buttons to do up etc. - and sneer at people who try their best but "aren't quite our sort".

AIBU to think that sneery types are mannerless gits?

I am aware of many of the etiquette rules, and have passed on what I know to the DCs, but this is in the same vein as seeker. If the DCs know the rules, they'll be comfortable anywhere.

At the same time I am also encouraging the DCs to use the good manners I know they have, which of course is a different thing altogether.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Fri 23-Nov-12 09:33:39

Agree that manners and etiquette are two very different things.

In my experience, the people with the most class, and often (but not always) the most money, are the ones that display both good manners and good etiquette. The people that sneer at others tend to be the ones who spend their lives wishing they had more money, more social standing and kissing the arses of those who do have more.

People who are comfortable and confident with themselves do not feel the need to sneer at others.

Ullena Fri 23-Nov-12 16:09:15

Eti-what now? grin

ethelb Fri 23-Nov-12 16:14:57

if you have got manners you have got class imo.

amillionyears Fri 23-Nov-12 16:17:19

Can I ask some etiquette questions please?
Should curry and/or other dishes be eaten with just a fork?
When should napkins be supplied?
Can you remind me please, which words should be used. napkins/serviettes/soemthing else. tiolet,lavatory/something else lounge/sitting room/living room settee/sofa/something else. Thanks.

Pixieonthemoor Fri 23-Nov-12 16:31:57

Seeker you are very wise!

amillionyears no idea about the curry question. Personally, napkins when it's a bit more formal eg sunday lunch, dinner party etc (but that's just me).
Napkins
Loo
Drawing room (or sitting room)
Sofa

But I would only use these in company where it is appropriate and not likely to make others uncomfortable or me look like a git. If everyone else is talking about the lounge/settee then I would use those. Which is where, I suppose, manners and etiquette overlap....

seeker Fri 23-Nov-12 17:54:38

Curry, like asparagus, should properly be eaten with the fingers. The tips of the fingers of the right hand to be very specific!

amillionyears Fri 23-Nov-12 17:56:36

ha grin or ah wink

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 23-Nov-12 21:22:37

amillionyears a good rule of thumb is to avoid the word that looks French e.g. serviette, toilet, lounge, settee.

amillionyears Fri 23-Nov-12 21:30:52

I think you may be having a joke hmm

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 23-Nov-12 21:37:48

Why? It's a good rule!

amillionyears Fri 23-Nov-12 21:45:27

Sorry. I thought you may have read another thread of mine a few days ago.

Apologies. <tries and finds somewhere to hide>

Yes, thank you, I will bear that in mind from now on. blush

marriedinwhite Fri 23-Nov-12 21:46:21

People who sneer are not generally well mannered. I think it goes deeper than that though ime usually the people who sneer are the people who think they are better than others but are generally so pig thick that they don't realise how much of the etiquette stuff they get wrong. Ask them for some sugar and they will probably tell you they aint got none.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 23-Nov-12 21:49:10

Ooo amillion I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm dying to know! Apologies if you're French blush

grin married

omletta Fri 23-Nov-12 21:53:07

One should use a fork when it is appropriate to use a fork alone, so when no cutting is required. Eating curry with just a fork is fine providing no knife is ever involved.

yani Fri 23-Nov-12 22:05:59

Please could I ask what the correct reply to, "How do you do?" is?
This greeting always throws me, so I normally offer my friendliest grin in response!

marriedinwhite Fri 23-Nov-12 22:10:07

I can't remember the last time anyone said that. But I suppose "very pleased to meet you"

omletta Fri 23-Nov-12 22:10:52

'how do you do' it's a salutation, not a question.

omletta Fri 23-Nov-12 22:13:01

Sorry - in case I am not clear; the response is 'how do you do' as well as the question.

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 22:13:05

the correct reply is 'how do you do'

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 23-Nov-12 22:14:55

Or: "How do you do what?" wink

marriedinwhite Fri 23-Nov-12 22:18:17

If anyone under 80 said it to me I think I might be inclined to have an inward sneer wink

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 22:19:34

I honestly don't think anyone has ever said it to me....

yani Fri 23-Nov-12 22:20:43

Arf at Slightly grin

So, would one then proceed with "Pleased to meet you" or "Nice to see you again" style greetings?

hoping to meet someone who says this now smile

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 22:22:01

no I don't think so.....i think that's it, ever so brusque.

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