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Tricky one this...

Just recently when my 3.5 DD and I are hanging out in the front garden a 12 yr old girl from across the street has started coming over. She doesn't really talk much, just watches DD playing until I signal we are going inside and say goodbye to her. I asked her what school she goes to and it is one for severe emotional disorders. I could sense there is something different about this girl, and I don't want to be judgmental but she is coming uninvited onto my property and staying for ages so its now making me feel uncomfortable about playing with my daughter in my front yard. Hmmmmmm... might just be feeling sensitive cos am heavily pregnant but any advice as to how to deal with this delicate situation would be great.

Thanks, Rosa

A school for severe emotional disorders? Didn't realise there was such a thing.

Play in the back garden?

Hmmm

If she goes to a school for children with special needs, she may have learning disabilities or ASD. Her social skills may be a little different. That could come across as 'different' or 'strange'. Presumably your DD is never alone with her so what is the issue?

Arrange to have her carted off to the local looney bin where she can be straitjacketed and sedated to within an inch of her young life?

Hmm indeed.

What's with all this pregnancy blaming lately for starting weird threads?

Anyway, if you're genuine why don't you try to include her in whatever it is you're playing?

What is it you're scared of exactly? You "sensed there is something different about her". Ooh well done for spotting that, but I doubt very much that its catching. If you don't want to be judgemental, make an effort not to be. Try being kind instead.

it's

Yes I agree you should be kind to her.

It could be she wants to play and just doesn't know how to ask. Why not try to include her, or talk to her parents about whether she can join in? Often times kids enjoy playing with younger children, and she can probably teach your DD a lot about all sorts of interesting things.

I think maybe you should talk to her parents/guardians: make sure they know where she is & ask if they can offer you any advice on how to interact with her/set some groundrules about her visits.

You don't have any obligation to interact with her any more than you do with any other neighbours but it doesn't sound as though she's doing anything terribly inappropriate & DOES sound as though she is gaining something positive from this.

How do you play in your front yard in late November? Isn't it cold and dark (presumably after 4 pm when the school for emotionally disturbed children breaks up)?

We have a school like that in our neighbourhood.
They specialize in educating children who are very traumatized, some with school phobia. Some are refugees and have had horrible experiences in life, suffered bereavement and other loss.

But I wonder what you are doing in your front garden playing with a 3 1/2 year old this time of year?

What do you find tricky about it? Is it challenging your own social skills?

Jeez it's only November and fairly mild here in the South.

I went to the supermarket on Sunday and ended up carrying my coat home cos it was too warm with my chunky jumper underneath.

Well Worry, around here, a 3 1/2 year old would turn into a kite.

Quint

They would her too if it was today.

I've just seen my neighbour's wheelie bin take off at great speed.

*here

You saw the bin take off and you didn't run after it?

Jeez, whats wrong with people.

<walks off shaking head>

My two bins were dancing tango together (Until I decided I better put the rubbish out to give them some weight). We always have a cyclone by our front door, as there is a natural corner, and in addition a tall fence to the neighbours, so, really three walls.

Why is it a delicate situation?

Get a grip.

Maybe try to imagine that one of your children was like this girl, because it can happen to any family you know.

I saw a stranger chase a bin lid down a busy road, just to walk all the way back some 20 meters to put the lid where it belonged before continue walking. (I was stuck in traffic) It was very considerate of her.

That was considerate of her. Hope it didn't fly away again after she'd walked off.

See this gets on my wick, you see her label before you consider her. Emotional and behavioural schools are full of children there for many many reasons.
If your not happy, tell her to go away.