AIBU to leave DH to make his own way home?

(104 Posts)

DH due home from London tonight. I had to pick him up from the station as we are having car troubles. Told me he would be on the train arriving at 8.45. Texted me to say he was on train. Now I have been at work all day, come home, fed children, sorted house, been parent helper at guides also. Drove 20 mins in dark and rain to station, waited 25 mins as train was late due to weather. Train came in to station. Train left station. No DH. Called him, sent texts, no reply. So we drove home and the DD's are now in bed asleep. He has just rung, and clearly he has been drinking. The story is he fell asleep and missed his stop, went several stops down the line in fact and is now wending his way back home. I have told him to make his own way back from the station. Now this will be tricky as we live in the arse end of nowhere and there are no taxis. Station a good 10 miles away across country lanes. He clearly thinks I am being unreasonable for not collecting him. AIBU? WWYD?

ImperialBlether Fri 23-Nov-12 23:48:31

Teeny, are you going to continue to live with a man who advertises himself on a website?

Yes he was here when I got home tonight. No apologies, in fact we had a row - have posted in relationships about it. Apparently I am a bully who gives him no credit for how hard he works and am always having a go at him. He has gone upstairs to bed but is not in our bedroom, he seems to have taken a pillow and gone to his study. If we lived somewhere "normal" this would not have happened apparently and people fall asleep on trains "all the time".

lisad123 Fri 23-Nov-12 23:37:09

Did he come home yet?

Pack up his stuff and leave it in the front garden for when he gets back. Then tell him to fuck off back to wherever he was.

Why are you still putting up with this?

Do you want your dds to think that this is the sort of relationship that is normal or something they should aim for?

QuickLookBusy Fri 23-Nov-12 12:10:10

If you have tried relate and he is still behaving like this, then you know what you have to do. You really don't want to be banging your head against a brick wall for the rest of your life.

Life can be better, you don't need to put up with being treated so awfully.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Fri 23-Nov-12 09:28:26

Sorry Teeny sad

I hope you get a happy resolution for you and your DDs

hf128219 Fri 23-Nov-12 07:49:02

Will he come home first or go straight to work?

Hope you are ok.

He texted in the night to say he was staying at a hotel in a town one stop up the line. He is getting a taxi home. No apology has yet been forthcoming. It's a long story, yes have done the solicitor thing, have been to relate but sadly must conclude I may as well bang my head on a brick wall.

ErikNorseman Fri 23-Nov-12 06:41:53

How depressing sad when are you going to take action on this loser?

minibmw2010 Fri 23-Nov-12 06:36:17

Hope you got some sleep OP. I'm assuming he found a hotel. Does he know that you're aware he's advertising himself ??

Euphemia Fri 23-Nov-12 06:08:37

What a prick he is, Tadpole. sad

I agree with the poster above who said follow your usual routine today - DDs to school, go on your course. See a solicitor in your lunch break!

CordeliaChase Fri 23-Nov-12 03:41:23

If my DH did this, even once, he would have to walk home. What a pig!

lisad123 Fri 23-Nov-12 01:12:58

Well it's raining hard out there so hopefully he comes home wet, cold and guilty, he is an arse!

Pandemoniaa Fri 23-Nov-12 00:23:01

Sleep well, Tadpole. YANBU in leaving this selfish pisshead to sort himself out. I'd probably leave him permanently.

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 23-Nov-12 00:19:22

Night night Tadpole, sleep well.

BookieMonster Fri 23-Nov-12 00:09:23

Would he show you the same consideration? I think you've already answered that. I'd rather be single than spend my evenings worrying about a faithless, feckless twat.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 22-Nov-12 23:58:58

Sparkle - that's exactly what I was talking about. The difference between a DH who would appreciate it, grovel a bit and not do it again the next week is one thing - this absolute bastard is quite another.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 22-Nov-12 23:56:58

Teeny - when are you going to tell him to leave? sad

One point I'd like to make, which I think is important, even if you don't listen to anything else re his general behaviour - there is no point in starting a thread like this to see if you have lost your perspective or not. Everyone will post about what they would do if it was their DH. If they don't know your background they are most likely to say (for example) 'Yes pick him up' 'He's your DH you should be worried' 'How can you not pick him up etc' - but it's skewed because they assume he's a half decent bloke that doesn't have a history of being a selfish prick and repeatedly doing shit like this sad

A one off occasion, generally a decent DH, of course I'd pick him up. I'd wake the kids and take them with me. Your DH, well... no I wouldn't and wouldn't need to because he would NOT be living with us.

If the station was 5 minutes up the road (a couple of miles) then I'd consider leaving the kids, but 10 miles each way, at night, in this weather - not a bloody chance! <mind you, if it was that close I'd make him walk anyway!>

Do not go out of your way to sort his problem out in the morning, sort the kids out and go to your course - he's created this situation, let him deal with it. You are not a bitch, he's a fucking idiot.

Moln Thu 22-Nov-12 23:41:13

the fact that you don't know where or when he will be to be collected is a no brianer. As you seem to know.

What a horrible situation for you. I don't think he enhances your life really.

The exact same thing happened to me about 3 years ago with DH at 1am..

I ended up driving the extra half hour to collect him as the stop he woke up in was miles from us and there was no public transport - he was also unlikely to get a taxi. The fact he was intoxicated didn't fill me with confidence that he would get home safely at all!

He spent 2 days in the doghouse over that one. Mind you the chocs, flowers and having some of my jobs done over that time by hime was lovely! grin

" One time he did this he called me a bitch for not collecting him. He has recently been advertising himself on websites for people looking for extra marital affairs."
shock Does he know that you're aware of his advertising himself? shock

skateboarder Thu 22-Nov-12 23:14:25

Glad you are not leaving your children alone to sort out a grown adult who really should know better.

Maryz Thu 22-Nov-12 23:08:37

You could leave them if you had to.

But if you do, make sure you call a close friend, tell him/her you are leaving them and you expect to be exactly 45 minutes. Tell them that if you don't call back you have crashed/disappeared/been abducted by aliens and that s/he needs to get to your kids.

That's what I did when I had to do an emergency middle of the night abandonment (to pick ds1 up from A&E, so I had to go hmm).

However, I think in this case i'd leave him to it, and have a serious chat when he shows up.

Nighty night teenyweeny. Tell him to fuck off from us smile

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