AIBU to leave DH to make his own way home?

(104 Posts)

DH due home from London tonight. I had to pick him up from the station as we are having car troubles. Told me he would be on the train arriving at 8.45. Texted me to say he was on train. Now I have been at work all day, come home, fed children, sorted house, been parent helper at guides also. Drove 20 mins in dark and rain to station, waited 25 mins as train was late due to weather. Train came in to station. Train left station. No DH. Called him, sent texts, no reply. So we drove home and the DD's are now in bed asleep. He has just rung, and clearly he has been drinking. The story is he fell asleep and missed his stop, went several stops down the line in fact and is now wending his way back home. I have told him to make his own way back from the station. Now this will be tricky as we live in the arse end of nowhere and there are no taxis. Station a good 10 miles away across country lanes. He clearly thinks I am being unreasonable for not collecting him. AIBU? WWYD?

SamSmalaidh Thu 22-Nov-12 22:41:14

Actually if he does this often, leave him to it. Has he got a credit card? He can get a train to somewhere with taxis/hotels.

As he's got history of this, fuck him. He doesn't give a crap so neither should you! He's man enough to walk home, otherwise he wouldn't have been a prat

Haughtyculture Thu 22-Nov-12 22:42:55

I would wake the kids up and go and get him. But make it clear you won't start a habit of bailing him out

uniqueatlast Thu 22-Nov-12 22:43:15

I'd leave it until he texts or calls you and then go and get him.

Please don't even consider leaving the kids in bed. Terrible things can happen and all it takes is 1 electrical fault and you'd never forgive yourself.

(as an aside, I can't believe I've read a couple of threads tonight where the OP has been totally jumped on - one for smacking a child's bum months ago - and here some posters are actually saying it's fine to leave an 8 and 11 year old in bed on their own))

McTagster Thu 22-Nov-12 22:43:42

Actually, I would text him and tell him to stay in the pub you mentioned. I wouldn't leave the children, and it does seem a bit unfair to wake them.

uniqueatlast Thu 22-Nov-12 22:44:28

Just seen your x-post about him having previous for this.

Leave him to it!

Kewcumber Thu 22-Nov-12 22:45:28

As he has previous then I'd leave him to it.

Ajaney Thu 22-Nov-12 22:45:50

oh teeny, (hugs) I have posted on your thread in relationships.

Sorry things don't seem to have improved. It's a tough call but he has put himself in this position so I would be reluctant to turn and leave children in bed.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 22-Nov-12 22:45:54

Did he lie about being on the first train to give himself drinking time, knowing you'd tell him not to bother getting the later one? Or was the drinking on the train?

If you can get a taxi do (even if from far and expensive, if he can afford), or, as you said, tell him to get off elsewhere and stay over in a pub / hotel.

Or...maybe if he had to walk once he wouldn't do it again. That is a long walk though.

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:46:08

nah. bollocks to him - im sure if he is a big boy he can work out how to get home on his own.

i wouldnt leave my kids alone and i would certainly not be waking and disturbing them for his idiocy.

im sure he could pre order a taxi.

blisterpack Thu 22-Nov-12 22:47:07

Tell him to stay in a pub. He deserves to be inconvenienced.

Drinking on the train I suspect. He buys bottles of wine at the station and a plastic cup!

Gooniechoons Thu 22-Nov-12 22:47:29

I wouldn't leave my ten yr old...... I would be very pissed off at the suggestion. YANNNNNNNNBU. He is.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 22-Nov-12 22:48:03

I would leave the dc in bed to pick him up from the station. They have school tomorrow and don't need to be tired.

It's really really shite weather out and it's dark country lanes YABU to just leave him.

Bettyintheburbs Thu 22-Nov-12 22:48:32

You poor lady, what a horrible predicament. Whatever the state of your relationship, it won't get any better if he falls down drunk, injures himself or is otherwise hurt. If he's drunk in the rain miles from home, he's vulnerable to all sorts of risks. For that reason alone, I'd wake the 11 year old, tell her where you're going, go and collect him after texting him telling him you're on your way and not to wander off. Tomorrow, when he is safe and sober, you can decide what to do longer term. Good luck!

lottiegarbanzo Thu 22-Nov-12 22:48:53

I buy bottles of wine at the station and a plastic cup (from lovely M+S, usually with DP, or sometimes a little bottle myself). I have never missed my stop!

goralka Thu 22-Nov-12 22:48:54

yeh thinking about it, fuck him....grin

Pourquoimoi Thu 22-Nov-12 22:49:05

I wouldn't leave them to go ten miles but I would leave them for ten minutes. Mine are 11 and 8 and we've just started leaving them for literally 5-10mins (the 11yo is sometimes left for longer alone but not at night and not for more than an hour or so).

Kewcumber Thu 22-Nov-12 22:49:59

It's really really shite weather out and it's dark country lanes YABU to just leave him. He should have thought of that before he drank so much he was incapable of getting a train home as planned.

And certainly as he isn;t answering his phone I'd wash my hands of him.

trikken Thu 22-Nov-12 22:50:26

id stay with kids and let him make his own way home. sounds like it was his own fault.

That missed-my-stop excuse is the exact one I used to give my DM when I was 16 and had been out drinking with my friends. She stopped falling for it eventually.

You have to get him this time as drunk walking is actually very dangerous. However, real boundaries and there will be no next time. He is warned.

He buys the full size bottles of wine not the little ones!! Anyway I now have no idea where he is so can't go and get him anyway.

DumSpiroSpero Thu 22-Nov-12 22:50:50

YANBU - my advice would be to let him get on with it, but in reality I know I couldn't bring myself to do that.

I'd wake the DD's up tbh. He's unlikely to have got far and a 10 mile each way trip is a good half hour.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Thu 22-Nov-12 22:50:51

No, I would let him find his way home.

I think you have posted about him before. Did you call the police once and report him missing?

ujjayi Thu 22-Nov-12 22:51:22

I am aghast at other replies suggesting it is fine to leave an 11 and 8 year old alone whilst you fetch your rat-arsed husband from the station. My DCs are the same age as yours and there is no way I would leave them alone like this. Even as a one-off, I would be telling DH to organise his own transport home, dark country lanes or no.

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