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to be so annoyed about comment on babys skin colour

(120 Posts)
Lia87 Tue 20-Nov-12 12:10:50

my baby is still quite jaundice. however an old woman in the doctors earlier found it necessary to say out of the blue "she's mixed race then?", with quite a condesending tone, to which i replied "no" then she felt the need to say "oh. she's got such dark hair as well though, is her dad british?" this was without any prior conversation at all

i just thought that was completely rude and nothing to do with her, for a start, why does it even matter what race she is? and to then question it again after i've said no was rediculous, i didn't bother to explain she's jaundice, as i don't think its got anything to do with her!

am i being unreasonable and over grumpy or am i right in thinking thats not the kind of question you ask people

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Tue 20-Nov-12 13:47:05

It is a bit of a backhanded comment, but in fairness my friend went for a lesson with her MIL on dealing with her mixed race daughter's hair. She has fine, blond, Scandanavian hair. Attacking her daughter's hair dry with a brush was not a pretty result.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 13:48:53

I was more shock at all white women with mixedrace babies are trailer trash apart from me!

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 13:49:42

That's what got me, Inneedof!

MrsBungleBear Tue 20-Nov-12 13:51:17

My gp asked me if 1 week old ds was mixed race (he's not). He was jaundiced and had jet black hair (like his dad). Loads of people still comment that his dad must be really dark as I'm really blonde. Yep, that's right. Well done! People love to.comment for some reason confused

Some of the comments people on this thread have received are vile.

I had comments about dd as a baby. She had 3 quite large skin tags by her ear. One woman looked at her and said eeergh, what on earth is that on her ear? I said its skin tags you rude bitch (while waiting in line at health visitor clinic). Not really like me to be sweary at folk in public but she deserved it.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Tue 20-Nov-12 13:53:01

That is indeed very racist and offensive. Sorry, I was responding to your first post, with just 'at least you can do their hair'. The trailer trash comment is awful.

Kalisi Tue 20-Nov-12 13:57:29

I wouldn't have been offended by that personally OP. I often get similar comments having bred with a forriner grin
These comments never seem to be judgey or swipey to me just a bit of a clumsy 'icebreaker'. I do agree they are too nosey though and I certainly wouldn't lead a conversation with a comment like that myself.
At my first appointment with my GP after DS was born he said to me "What blood's he got in him?" Me, being completely unaware of how openly people would mention his olive skin replied with "O positive" grin.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 13:57:54

I do think in a few generations racism will be almost removed. Nowadays we go to school with a rainbow of people, grow up with everyone else and only a very few idiots <BNP party members> will remain.

I do wonder why it's commented on so much,

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:00:48

Don't forget, though, a lot of HCPs will ask about racial backgrounds because of conditions that particular groups may be more prone to - even if it's relatively minor like dry skin.
DD has a Mongolian spot on her bum, and I've pointed it out so it's in her medical notes...sometimes these marks can be mistaken for bruises, which can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings.

ChuffMuffin England Tue 20-Nov-12 14:01:56

I got chatting to a stranger about his motorbike once outside Asda while we were waiting for it to open. I think it must have been just before I went to South Africa last year, as I somehow mentioned to him that DP is South African.

He went in to a huge rant in front of black and indian families (I live in a large muslim/afro-caribbean community area) about how, as a white woman, I shouldn't date outside my own race, it's disgusting, he didn't agree with it etc.

I was gobsmacked that I'd managed to meet a massive racist, in the area I live in, and that he'd ranted on at me for like 5 minutes about how disgusting interracial relationships are in front of these families, who I thought would now think I know him and am racist too by association.

The kicker is my DP is white, I never mention it to people because it doesn't matter, but I've had a few people who've never met him and then expressed their happy surprise that he is white!! hmm

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 14:02:05

Is a Mongolian spot like a blue spot min?

ChuffMuffin England Tue 20-Nov-12 14:03:05

sorry should be who'd never met him and then did and expressed their happy surprise

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:05:10

I often ask about people's backgrounds because I'm interested - there might be an interesting story behind it, or the person might be from somewhere really exotic. I think I do it in a way that makes it obvious I'm interested in the person as a person. A friend is half Sea-Dayak (Borneo), and I when I found out I just said "Wow! I've never met anyone from Borneo before!" Then I found out about the back story to here parents meeting, which was quite a tale.

I think you can tell if someone's curious and open or judgy and closed.

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:06:06

Yup - a Mongolian blue spot.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 14:08:24

Yes mine both had their whole bums blue for ages, it did have to be documented but the HV did that. Didn't know the full name for it it was just classed as a blue spot for mine.

amarylisnightandday Tue 20-Nov-12 14:10:14

Yanbu.

IShallCallYouSquishy Tue 20-Nov-12 14:11:45

I had the midwife in hospital asking me if DD's father was dark skinned. My DH and I are both white. He was stood next to me! She wasn't badly jaundice but enough to make her skin look a bit darker then mine. (Though I am lily white so not hard!)
I had another who was doing the newborn checks say she was going to double check her eyes as dark skinned babies tend to be more susceptible to some eye condition!

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:13:20

I pointed DD's out v early on, as she looks pretty much European, so you wouldn't expect to see such a mark on her. She still has it at 3.5, but it isn't as obvious as it once was.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 20-Nov-12 14:14:57

People will always make odd comments, some of these are shocking, but missy yours takes the biscuit! Beaver made of steel!

People were always asking if Dd was mixed race, (she's not, she's white, just always looked tanned) my personal favourite was a bus driver asking "has she got (whispers) foreign blood?". It was the whispering that got me!

I think it's normal to be sensitive about your baby but it could have been so much ruder, as this thread shows.

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:21:43

I think all this hush-hush-forrin-blood-tarbrush nonsense is receding now (apart from the odd loon). DNA doesn't lie and we're using it to find out more and more about our past migrations all around the globe, and how we're all related.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 14:26:48

It is receding and I really think once I'm in my 60s it will be very very very few instances. For instance my nan when she got married and moved out her door was painted n****r wood. That was acceptable then and I hope when I'm my nans age comments like these on the threads will be as unbelievable and disgusting like that was.

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:30:43

I know. I have stopped using the word 'oriental' now. It's only been in the past few years that I've become aware it's not that great, and I'm no racist whatsoever!

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:31:43

And I don't mean that in that awful "I ent been rayceest or nuffeenk" manner.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 14:34:45

I know what you mean, I actually get slightly confused as Chinese people for instance are Asian in America, but we class Indian people for 1 example Asian.

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 14:36:27

I think we say South East Asian instead of oriental now. I think - makes sense when I imagine a map of the world.....

5madthings Tue 20-Nov-12 14:38:30

i have had the comment 'its nice you arent likr other young mumz, its obvious your children all have the same dad'?!! wtf. they ate all blonde and blue eyef and do look very similar. i was tempted to say...no i only sleep eith aryan men..

also yes to comments about my fanjo esp whrn ds4 was a newbotn 10lb 13oz. tbe classic was a'fanjo like the mersey tunnel' errm thanks...

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