to be so annoyed about comment on babys skin colour

(120 Posts)
Lia87 Tue 20-Nov-12 12:10:50

my baby is still quite jaundice. however an old woman in the doctors earlier found it necessary to say out of the blue "she's mixed race then?", with quite a condesending tone, to which i replied "no" then she felt the need to say "oh. she's got such dark hair as well though, is her dad british?" this was without any prior conversation at all

i just thought that was completely rude and nothing to do with her, for a start, why does it even matter what race she is? and to then question it again after i've said no was rediculous, i didn't bother to explain she's jaundice, as i don't think its got anything to do with her!

am i being unreasonable and over grumpy or am i right in thinking thats not the kind of question you ask people

afterdinnerkiss Tue 20-Nov-12 12:50:12

shock at hyperballad - i'm going to keep my pfb away from straying witchy fingers. the thought of some crazy lady touching my baby really freaks me out. (shudders)

CockyPants Tue 20-Nov-12 12:51:27

Loving a 'beaver made of steel'

cheekybaubles Tue 20-Nov-12 12:54:01

My DD was born with shoulder length hair. I was walking through tarn one day with DD in her pram and an old lady was staring at her. She jumped and said "oh god, it moved! I thought it was a doll!"
So basically I look like the kind of person who would push a doll around in a pram? grin
Also a woman mentioned that my DD was far too pale to be anglo/Indian and was I sure she was my DH's shock

MissVerinder Tue 20-Nov-12 12:56:47

I tend to get this all the time with my Jolie-esque tribe.

Nod and smile, nod and smile, even in answer to a question. It works (apart from when DD says "Mummy, you are very rude not answering that lady's question.")

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 13:04:00

"Oh god - it moved!" Priceless.

I love it when people just don't really get how genes work and how they can lead to surprising combos!
DS is a strapping blond and blue Viking Boy (as a friend calls him). DD looks much more forrin, and gets darker by the month it seems.....a few older ladies have made some (albeit v gently) searching comments.
Thankfully, their features are so similar, it just looks like DD's been at the fake tan and the hair colours. And the coloured contacts.

HeathRobinson Tue 20-Nov-12 13:09:50

I get the opposite, as my 3 are clones of me.
'Ooh, ^aren't they alike!' 'They look just like you!'

Really? hmm I've never noticed.

<deadpan>

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 20-Nov-12 13:10:52

Yup, people will feel free to comment on your baby, your parenting, you are now in the land of "free for all to join in and comment". Welcome.

The strangest thing I have heard, was from a young shop assistant in ELC gushing about my son, then 18 months.

He was extremely blond, pale and with sparkly blue eyes. She said:

"OH MY GOD, I HAVE NEVER BEFORE SEEN AN ARYAN BABY. You must be so proud"

It was mindboggling.

Longdistance Tue 20-Nov-12 13:17:40

My dd2 had jaundice for well over 3 weeks. She too looked mixed race, as she had tight curls too. Her hair was jet black.
So many people asked if my dd's were sisters, as dd1 is pale and blonde.
Take comments with a pinch of salt. Some people just want to start a conversation to pass time be nosey

Woozley Tue 20-Nov-12 13:21:15

DD1 is dark(ish) like me. Kind of scandi dark with blonde undertones IYSWIM. Couple of shades darker than mousey. "Macadamia" as Nutrisse would have it. Hazel eyes, skin that tans easily.

DD2 is ash blonde, light blue eyed and freckle faced. Even I get comments about them being different, some a bit hmm.

The best though was when I used to take DD2 and my nephew who is English/Nigerian and the same age to a church playgroup- they have the same surname too. A couple of old ladies running it were dying to ask some searching questions. One of them did in the end- the relief, or was it disappointment on her face when she found out he was my nephew.

Lia87 Tue 20-Nov-12 13:22:48

fanjoforthemammaries, the way she said it was effectively saying ew, it was with no previous conversation, she was literally sat staring at DD without a smile on her face, i couldnt care less if people think she's mixed race, but the fact that she seemed to not believe me after i'd already answered her first question annoyed me

cockypants, thats so horrible! did you carry on seeing the same HV? i wouldn't have wanted her anywhere near DD after that!

Lia87 Tue 20-Nov-12 13:26:04

cheekybaubles i had a similar thing ahaha, a shop assistant was was staring at me with DD in a sling looking really confused then goes "OH! i thought it was a doll at first, what a small baby" he must have been thinking i was loopy carrying round this doll all carefully!

MrsDeVere Tue 20-Nov-12 13:26:22

I don't think it was racist unless her tone was disparaging. She was being nosy though.

I have loads of mixed race kids. The favourite question is 'do they all have the same dad?' asked by random people in random places hmm

I have had 'she's got a bit of a, um tan hasn't she?' No love, she is black, don't be shy just say it, you wont catch it.

One black bloke said 'who do those kids belong to? They cant be yours, they are too good looking' . What a charmer.

The funniest is that DS2 is the only one I am told 'he looks just like you doesn't he?, much more than the others'. Its nice but he is adopted grin

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 13:26:53

When my dd who is mixed race was a baby, I used to get "so is she forrin then", at least 5 times a day whenever we were out. All by nice little old white ladys hmm.
or why were you so stupid to have a baby by a black man don't you know he won't love it like it was a black child or least you can do her hair unlike most white girls from lovely old black ladies.

People love to comment on colour for some reason.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 13:30:00

oh I forgot the classic line when my ds was a baby. Made by everyone, wow he's so dark are you sure it wasn't an African who "breeded" you not a yardie. Are you his mum he doesn't look like he's got white in him, or why do you leave him in the sun he shouldn't be that colour.

Dawndonna Tue 20-Nov-12 13:32:18

Many is the time when taking twins out (years ago) people would ask if ds1 was a friend's child. Twin one like me, dark and spanish looking (coz we are) twin 2 fair with English Rose colouring. The times I got told it was nice of me to take the little foreign one out too was unbelievable. I was also told more than once to 'go and see the doctor, love' when I said they were twins!

nancerama Tue 20-Nov-12 13:32:43

Some people are just rude. It all started for me when I was asked several times whilst pregnant if it was planned. I was 35 years old and married FFS - hardly a scandal and definitely nobody's business.

I have very dark hair, DS is very very blond. I've been asked if I'm the nanny and if he's adopted. Some people refuse to believe me when I insist he's mine.

MrsDeVere Tue 20-Nov-12 13:34:04

Jeez dont get me started on the hair thing Inneed.
How I have managed to stay out of jail over the last 20 years with the amount of hair based provocation I have had hmm

Lia87 Tue 20-Nov-12 13:35:02

ok i think i probably over reacted now seeing comments other people have had! can't believe how rude people can be though!

afterdinnerkiss Tue 20-Nov-12 13:35:41

brandy really heavy comments you've got. quite mean truly. i think these days you cannot get away with that degree of revealing your true thoughts, and so the same type of person resorts to polite enquiries about your baby's origin. but the same thoughts a-lurking.

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 13:39:23

Mind you, I shall never forget having to prime DP and the in-laws about DS, shortly before he was born....
"He MAY have a lot of black hair and look a bit....errrr....say, central Asian..... Don't worry - he'll stay like that for a bit and then turn blond. Probably. Nothing to worry about."

He did. We are a v mixed bag in our family, and we nearly all start out looking like Kim Jong Il! I even got some khaki babygros to heighten the effect.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Tue 20-Nov-12 13:41:56

I love your turn of phrase with I have loads of mixed race kids *MrsDeVere. You make it sounds like you have about 25 grin.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 13:42:42

I know MrsD everyone comments on their hair all the frigging time, even the other day I was on the bus stop chatting to a seemingly lovely elderly Jamaican lady about the cost of food. Before I got on the bus she said, I just have to tell you how beautiful your dc are and how it's nice to see a white women who's not trailer trash and can do their hair, you should go to beauty queens to buy blue magic it's cheaper and means they will never get nits.

I live in Bristol with a huge diverse population not a quite dusty town with haystacks rolling around!

minouminou Tue 20-Nov-12 13:45:03

Eep, Inneedof..... I guess she was being kind...but a bit of a back-handed compliment there......

Woozley Tue 20-Nov-12 13:45:06

No love, she is black, don't be shy just say it, you wont catch it. smile

AuntAda Tue 20-Nov-12 13:46:25

We are a v mixed bag in our family, and we nearly all start out looking like Kim Jong Il! I even got some khaki babygros to heighten the effect.

That's hilarious!

My family have some kind of crazy uber-gene that turns anything you throw at it into dishwater blond within a generation. DH has black hair and mediterranean colouring - and yup, all our kids are blond. My siblings and cousins have the same thing. It does mean that at big family gatherings you end up with 20-odd dark-blond kids who all look like they could be siblings. That does tend to make people gawp as well, you can practically see the thought bubbles forming above their heads saying, "Haven't these people heard of contraception?"

People are just rude, or a bit dim. Once you have kids they seem to cluster round like tiresome flies, which is how you have to regard them, really.

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