Mumsnet Talk

Thread about a thread. Innit.

I have re-read you post Horatia and it is clearly not all directed at me, apparently I just can't read.

Sorry, Gobblers, I was pre-brew too. Not all that comment was directed at you, and the disclaimer had been in a subsequent comment.

I was shouting at the OP, not you.

It minimises something totally devastating to many people and reduces it to a bit of online banter

Sorry Horatia if I had had a coffee, I probably would never have nicked it, I was just pissed off and to me you had said what I wanted to very eloquently, I haven't missed anything off of your post though, that was the whole thing, sorry again though

Sadly I am all too able to "understand why it upsets or annoys people" and don't actually give a flying fuck what the context might be, it is a deeply ignorant and as said above, insensitive use of language.

Wasn't this done to death yesterday?

Oh and YABU,it is offensive.

Even my son and his mates think its wrong

yabu
I have never used that "word" but imo if people find it offensive you don't use it.
so easy to find another word.
tbh this reminds me of the whole "it's ok to use the R word" crap.
why set out to offend, what is the point??

I have suffered rape and I find the word to be horribly insensitive and belittling. I am not exactly offended by it but I definitely think less of anyone ignorant enough to use it.

"She doesn't get to choose for the rest of us, I'd suggest."

But we get to choose for her and all rape victims who agree with her?

OK, that's fair

So, you think it is OK to use offensive terms provided you think they are OK?

I personally find it highly triggering and definitely think a lot less of people who use it on Facebook.
But then I tend to avoid the word rape as much as possible anyway.
I do feel it belittles the seriousness of it and turns it into a bit of a joke but then I tend to think people joke about it in a kind of warding it off way.

Concoction? Conviction. Rape concoction would be another thing entirely!

Fucking "smart" phone with titchy text box.

Incidentally I slightly changed my mind after that quoted post. And you missed off the disclaimer about the first paragraph's being tongue-in-cheek.

A word can't have power on its own. The word frape in itself can't disrespect victims of actual sexual assault, or propagate rape myths - of course it can't.

But the casual use of the word "rape" is perhaps symptomatic of a culture that really doesn't think rape is important; that distinguishes between "date rape" and "genuine rape"; in which rape reporting is low and concoction yet lower; and in which the previous sexual history of a victim is fair game.

In my mind the casual use of "rape" to mean anything but its most common definition is as bad as using "gay" to mean "rubbish" or "annoying". It makes you look like you don't understand the context.

So use it if you really want, but know what the context is, and understand why it upsets or annoys people.

I really hope HoratiaWinwood doesn't mind but she said it so perfectly on the other thread that I am posting it here again for the op

Language has always been used figuratively. I'm a minor language development expert, BTW, having a degree in Linguistics.

Putting childish comments on someone else's FB isn't anything like forcing a sex act on them, even figuratively. Hijacked is a more appropriate phrase as it is closer in meaning.

But it is part of the social misunderstanding and denial and belittling of rape, and the persistence of rape myths, that lets people use the word so casually and inaccurately.

"Fraping" is often funny and almost always the victim's fault. Still defend use of the word?

"She doesn't get to choose for the rest of us, I'd suggest."

But we get to choose for her and all rape victims who agree with her?

OK, that's fair

I wish you could hide threads on the app

You have the right to use any words you like.

Just don't be surprised if people assume you're immature and/or thick as mince because of it.

You can use any words you like. This one will cause lots of people to think you're a twat. That's the beauty of free speech.

Athing "Steve's black, and he uses the word n*gger."

She doesn't get to choose for the rest of us, I'd suggest.

If you genuinely don't see what the problem might be, perhaps you would care to look through yesterday's thread on the subject during which at least one person revised her opinion.

"I don't care why you don't like it, I think it is fine so I am going to carry on regardless" is puerile. At least find out why.

Just because other things are worse doesn't make it right.

I agree with what everyone else has. Your attitude is a very immature one

"Your defence for using it is the 'I'm not racist, some of my best friends are gay' classic line."

No, it's not.

Her defence is that she herself is one of the group assumed to be offended by the term, and she is not.

Which is hard to argue with.

I find the term frape offensive as a woman (not so much as a rape victim, which I also am) but if someone who suffered horrible abuse as a child thinks worrying the word frape is silly, I respect that.

So, people tell you a word is offensive and you decide to ignore them and use it anyway?

Do you usually show such a large lack of judgement and empathy?

It's not a nice word and even though you may not mind it some will

I never said that I was so cool.

I just don't think it's a big thing! I don't understand why people are so het up about it!

Yes I used it, I never said that I was cool for using it, but the world isn't going to end over one little world.