Mumsnet Talk

DP's brother and SIL have an 11 month old baby, but won't visit family because the baby doesn't like the car. Since the baby was born, they haven't spent a night away from home or, in fact, taken the baby outside of about a 5 minute radius from their house by car (doctor, church, playground, baby group). We asked if they thought she would get used to the car at some point, but they said they thought it would be at least 18 months before they took her anywhere. DP's parents live 2 hours drive away and SIL's mum lives 3 hours away. When the baby was younger, people obviously didn't mind travelling to them. But now the baby is older, it's starting to irritate us and the rest of the family that they refuse to travel. AIBU?

that seems a bit mad. Have they tried all the usual stuff like nice music etc?

Having said that, perhaps I'm not best to judge, given I used to drive mine out just to get them to sleep

Depends on the car.

Train?

Anifrangapani Aye... OP.. tell them to get summat classy like a Masarati. Baby obv has taste and won't sleep in yer common or garden Ford

Well baby would have to get used to the bloody car if he/she was mine

Is the baby comfortable in the car seat? Maybe the carseat is not comfortable?

DS2 screamed in the car EVERY TIME until he went forward facing at a year. It was a total nightmare.

I'm afraid it didn't stop us going anywhere though.

I don't know what they've tried, but even when the baby was a newborn, they said she didn't like the car. I think since then they've just avoided using it wherever possible.

Yanbu, my sil tried this, fortunatly our dd had taught dp if you stop doing things because the baybee doesn't like it your life ends, and he told her how it is, her ds is still a fecking screamer about carseats and pushchairs but its not an excuse anymore.

Fwiw my two weren't huge car fans but at around 1yo they were chilled for 2+hr drive to the ils.

Yep mine hated it til she was forward facing. Didn't make the 4 hours journey to the in laws pleasant I can tell you.

The car seat is one of those that you can unclip and use as the pram, so I think it's comfortable, but obviously only the baby really knows!

My son fucking hates the car. You would think we are murdering him the way he screams. We have to visit family and do shopping etc... I hope he calms when he goes forward facing!

No help, but if they need to go out they can walk/bus/train etc... Not going anywhere must drive them frigging bonkers.

Is it a petrol car? Mine loved my diesel... the engine seems to sound more... thrummy? I used to take mine out in it if they couldn't sleep

What Worra said.

But maybe this car business is just an excuse because they don't want to visit other people? Strange, but that is up to them.

No, LimeLeaf I think they like to see people and are family-oriented people. But that said, I think even if there wasn't a car issue, they wouldn't want to take the baby away from her environment (they haven't said that, but just a hunch).

Incidentally the baby won't be coming to our wedding next year, which is a shame as my nieces and nephews are being flower girls/page boys.

If the baby is a larger 11 month old a first car seat that clips onto a travel system may be a bit cramped. Might be better in a rear ward facing birth to 4 years one esp for long journeys.

My ds is 5 months and hates the car unless we are going a reasonable distance and we have rap and dance music on the whole feckin way. And dh and I both hate that sort of music. We discovered ds loves it and it's the only way he will sleep in the car.

"but they said they thought it would be at least 18 months before they took her anywhere".... If there is such a problem with the car how can they POSSIBLY have any idea how long it will take to resolve? More to the point if they don't actually DO anything to resolve it how will is it meant to improve - or are they saying that at 18 months she will suddenly LOVE the car?

Another thought - if they haven't actually tried it how do they know there is a problem?

You said the child goes in the car for quick walkable journeys. If a child hated the car so much that you refused to EVER visit anyone, then why on earth would you use the car for walkable journies without any apparent concern?

Sorry OP but I get the feeling they are using this as an excuse because they don't want to travel to see people. They have figured that family will travel to them and are using this bullshit excuse as a reason not to reciprocate. If she can go in the car around town then does she really hate it? Or are they just being selfish....

annie the first time we put DS2 in the car, he was less than 24 hours old. He went insane, I swear, sweaty and screaming - hysterical.

Several of our journeys included me leaning over his carseat with my (thankfully ample) boob out, as feeding was the only thing that calmed him.

It was quite a surprise after DD and dS1 who loved the car!

*journeys

coola it was something to do with a different type of car seat that she would have at 2.5 years old, that they thought she would be better with. I don't have kids, so have no idea what is different about the car seat.

Also, I'm not sure if they do take the baby in the car at all. I think they may walk some or all of those local journeys. But I didn't directly ask them, so I'm not sure.

They seem very happy to have people come and visit them.

As a babe I want a 1978Alfa Spider 2000. Or a Porche 911 or any Fararri.... where is my Daddy?

Also, this may not be relevant at all, but they told us that the baby has "stranger anxiety", ie. she cries when strangers pick her up. We only get to see them every now and again, and she does sometimes cry when someone picks her up, but not always immediately and I'm not sure it's even related to who is holding her. I'm not sure if this has worsened recently and they are warning us for when we next visit. They did tell us that it doesn't happen with SIL's mother and sister, but perhaps they visit more often.

Too much Top Gear. Imagine if you thought Jerermy Clarkson was going to be any where near you. Poor child.

Well they do sound a bit useless tbh and maybe a bit lazy? I don't drive but when DS was a baby and I was on mat leave, I went and visited my folks lots of times. They live 200 miles away but I found DS loved the train, not the tube so much but hey ho, we survived. He went through a stage of not liking long journeys in my DP's car but as long as I sat next to him and kept him entertained he managed them.