To worry that my life will be horrible if I have kids.

(118 Posts)
Buddhagirl Sun 18-Nov-12 19:43:23

I do want children, but I'm pretty worried that I might hate my new life if it happens. I really like relaxing and being able to go out in the evening without paying a babysitter. What if they completely take over my life and I am a good mum and I love them to death but deep down I want my old life back and feel angry at them for taking away freedom?

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 19:44:40

If you are not at the point where none of that bothers you, then I dont think are quite there yet.

How old are you? Do you have a couple of years to live the life of Riley, so that you will feel that you have done your living?

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 19:45:11

That is to say, done your childless living! Life doesnt stop after children, it just changes.

Sorry, I did word that badly didnt I?! grin

I feel exactly the same way Buddhagirl. How old are you?

mrskeithrichards Sun 18-Nov-12 19:47:33

It doesn't have to stop it just changes!

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:48:01

I worry about the same thing OP. I'm almost 30 and I still don't really want kids. But then sometimes I think, well, what if I regret that, because I really really love kids.

I also have mh problems and very worried about passing that on or not being able to cope.

Dunno. It's a tricky one.

Well, in short, they do take over your life and they do restrict your freedom but they do enrich your life and make you laugh every day after about 6months as before then they are dull dull dull

A supportive and capable DP is worth their weight in gold, and you can alternate nights out if needed.

Its not a decision you can renege on, but it is also one of those things where no matter how much you prepare, it will still change your life in ways you couldnt even imagine.

Hassled Sun 18-Nov-12 19:48:10

You'll have little bouts of thinking "bloody hell, I wish I could just go out and get legless and not have to be responsible all the time, but you'll always know that you'd much rather have the responsibility than not. There's never, ever been a moment in my 25 years of parenting when I've wished for a child-free life. I've wished for a quieter life, mind you.

Sausagedog27 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:48:37

I'm the same- scares the hell out of me. Been to a children's party today and it was madness- it was worrying me but now I just think that it's not for me yet- not to say I won't in the future but right now it's not right. It's taken the pressure right off and I actually enjoyed spending time with kids today more than usual. I think there is a lot of pressure around it but just o what is right for you. Maybe reevaluate in a years time and take the pressure off now?

crazypaving Sun 18-Nov-12 19:49:54

I'm not sure you ever really feel ready for children, do you? I mean, a relaxing care-free life always seems appealing! It's not until you meet your child and are utterly blown away by how incredible they are (which may not happen immediately) that things change.

Even then, you're likely to miss elements of your life BC. But then, what would the rest of your life look like without children?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:52:29

crazypaving what would the rest of my life look like? Doing a phd, travelling a lot, living in a nice house, doing all the hobbies I want...I certainly don't see it as some sad, lonely existence.

Tangointhenight Sun 18-Nov-12 19:52:42

I felt like this after i had DD, admittedly i had Postnatal Depression but i really felt alot of regrets over losing my old life.

13 months later theres no regret, I love her mire than anything and i cant wait for all the years to come, it was a shell shockbut I came to accept it and now i wouldnt want my life any other way, actually starting to think I would like to give her a sibling!!

No one can prepare you for how hard it is but you adapt, honestly they are totally worth it plus if you have a supportive family your social life doesnt completely die.

Buddhagirl Sun 18-Nov-12 19:53:57

I'm 27,so got a few years yet. Glad I'm not alone!

Makes sense that life changes and your right guys they enrich your life in other ways, sleeping and freedom to go out is not exactly the be all and end all.

noblegiraffe Sun 18-Nov-12 19:54:01

Remember even if you don't have kids your life will change because your peer group will have kids. Going out boozing is all very well, but who with? Decide what you want to do before having kids and make sure you do it now.

For me, picturing old age without children was a bit grim too.

But then, what would the rest of your life look like without children?

It wouldn't have dribble or crayon on it wink

Buddhagirl Sun 18-Nov-12 19:55:24

My life would be empty ish without kids... You guys rock!

hermioneweasley Sun 18-Nov-12 19:56:22

Buddhagirl, I would give It a couple of years because your life does really change. After a while you adapt, but you can pack some more stuff in before you get on the nappy train!

ILoveSparklers Sun 18-Nov-12 19:56:25

I don't think you are really ready to do it yet. They have more of an impact than just reducing your relaxation time and requiring baby sitting. They change your life completely, especially at first. Whether its a good change or a bad change, only you can decide... Might require more thought.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:57:11

It's not about going out for me. I don't really care about that. But I do worry that my friends will all start having kids and I'll have no-one to just chill with.

But that's hardly a reason to have children. "Because all my friends are doing it" or "because I'll be lonely".

stinkinseamonkey Sun 18-Nov-12 19:57:11

IMO even if you don't have kids, the going out every weekend can get a bit stale as you get older anyway

I was a couple of years older than you OP when I had my first, and by then we were bored of the 20something lifestyle anyway, even before the first baby.. also a good % of our friends had settled or moved by then too so it was getting more and more limited

ILoveSparklers Sun 18-Nov-12 19:57:38

Your peers having kids and worrying about your life being empty without them are not good reasons to have kids IMO.

MrsCantSayAnything Sun 18-Nov-12 19:59:44

I was nowhere near ready at 27. At 30....I was a steaming, snorting, howling pile of frustrated Motherhood. DESPERATE to get pregnant. Hth! grin

Smartiescoffer Sun 18-Nov-12 19:59:51

Let me first say I wouldn't be without my dcs for a single second, but I was not prepared for the fact that I will never ever truly relax again. The constant low grade worry, are they healthy, happy, developing properly, what will they do if something happens to me, what will I do if something happens to them!! The fact I'd love to go on a holiday on my own to read books on a beach, but the reality that I'd last about 20 minutes before I needed see them. It's a two sided thing, the utter joy they bring along with the utter panic that they might not be ok.

Ragwort Sun 18-Nov-12 19:59:58

I think you are really sensible to weigh up the pros and cons of having chidlren, so many people seem to rush into having children because they see it as 'the thing to do' or because 'their body clock is ready' - and then (too late) realise it isn't what they thought it would be, or they have a totally unsupportive partner. Yes, I know there are lots of single parents doing a fabulous job but for me, having a totally supportive and reliable DH was essential. I didn't have a child until I was 42, by choice - in fact DH was much keener than I. The total 'relentlessness' of being a parent can be incredibly waring. Good luck whatever you decide. smile.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 20:00:44

Smarties yes, the constant worry would be a real issue for me. I'm a worrier anyway and the thought of not knowing where they are would be awful for me.

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