to be royally fucked off with DP?

(60 Posts)

I bought him a very naice jumper last xmas. Was expensive (for me) and he loved it. A few months ago I noticed it had gone missing.

He swore blind it was at his Dad's and promised to get it next time he visited. He went and came back without it and was pissy with me when I brought it up hmm

So he just got back from latest visit and hey fucking presto it's not at his Dad's. His only defence was that he's not usually careless. He is. He left his new Kindle on the bus earlier this year hmm

His Dad bought him a new coat this weekend which I struggled to muster much enthusiasm over, given Jumpergate. When pushed my response was "My only thought is "Don't leave it on the train someday". Admittedly in a wholly rather sarcastic tone.

He bit my head off and is now huffing upstairs.

So which is it, Manchild or nagging fishwife? Your votes please.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 18-Nov-12 18:40:00

It would annoy me immensely if DH lost something expensive that I chose for him, but your DH must be a bit bothered by the fact he lost it himself, otherwise he wouldn't have got defensive the first time he got back from his dads. But it's done, you need to let it go. It's not something that's worth bad feeling over if he didn't do it on purpose.

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 18:41:00

On the plus side you probably married a creative sort......

tinierclanger Sun 18-Nov-12 18:45:01

I can see why you were pissed off about the jumper but honestly it's a really bad habit to bring up stuff from the past to argue about. Accept the loss of the jumper, and if losing stuff really bothers you, only buy him presents he can't lose.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 18-Nov-12 18:46:09

married that is ridiculous. Me and my brothers never lost that much stuff, because it wouldn't be replaced.

I think it is rude to be careless with things which someone has bought for you, no matter what they are.
DH has managed to lose one of a lovely pair of engraved collar-bones that I gave him for his birthday. I was upset, he was mortified. If he took a <shrug> attitude to it then that would upset me even more and I would most definitely have ranted!

Spero Sun 18-Nov-12 18:47:28

Sorry, I agree with TidyDancer.

'Royally Fucked off' because he lost a jumper? It doesn't sound fun round yours.

It's not something that happened in the past.

Till 2 hours ago I was under the impression the jumper was en route back here.

It may have been lost months ago but I only found this out tonight which is why I was miffed.

The lashing out at me every time I mentioned it (nicely) has got to me too. He has form for going on the attack when he knows he's done something wrong.

Spero Sun 18-Nov-12 18:50:19

He lashed out 'every time' you mention it?

Bloody hell, what happens to the poor sod if he leaves toast crumbs? Its his jumper, he can do what he likes with it. You can't give gifts with strings attached. If the jumper is instead a symbol about how you fear he feels about you, then deal with that, don't keep harping on about a missing jumper.

tinierclanger Sun 18-Nov-12 18:53:09

Oh ok, sorry misread that bit. Well, it's annoying but not that big a deal. Neither of you are going to benefit by you continuing to be pissed off about it. Some people just aren't as good at looking after stuff. Don't buy him any more swanky jumpers.

Selim Sun 18-Nov-12 18:53:43

I lose stuff all the time. I lost my fave pair of jeans about a month ago and I have no idea how. If DH was sarcastic with me about it I would think he was a twat, and a mean twat to boot. He's the one who hasn't got a jumper anymore, not you.

bingodiva Sun 18-Nov-12 18:57:47

its a jumper, not really the end of the world is it. unfortunately these things happen - not worth getting worked up over as its obviously in his nature to loose bits and pieces. this time your a nagging fishwife smile

sarahseashell Sun 18-Nov-12 18:59:24

YABU and you're acting like his mum IMO not his gf. Drop the issue - he didn't lose it on purpose unless he didn't really like it

But it was a naice jumper wink

Genuine question: do you think carelessness/forgetfulness is an inherent character trait? One which can't be improved upon or trained out of someone?

I used to be hopeless at leaving my purse in daft places but it hasn't happened in years. Probably due to the OCD handbag checking everytime I go to leave somewhere!

HeathRobinson Sun 18-Nov-12 19:03:46

Hmm, odd that he thought 'he'd lost it at his dad's' and now his dad's bought him a coat.

Any chance they swapped? wink

Nope, I'd be pissed off too and I would expect him to replace it.

If someone was careless then I'd buy presents that could be used up - tickets for gigs, bottles of wine etc.

I hate losing stuff.

SissySparkles Sun 18-Nov-12 19:05:52

Nope I'm with you OP.

My DH is just the same, with additional clumsiness which means he loses things AND breaks them. Two years ago he got a new phone which he dropped on the pavement a week later and it cracked so badly he had to replace it.

Not even a month later he got an ipod for Christmas which suffered the same fate, although the damage wasn't as serious so he's still walking around with an ipod with a crack in the screen.

It IS infuriating. And he gets dead peevish when I ever-so-innocently mention it, which makes it doubly rage inducing.

I'm a bit surprised that so many people think it's ok - I would be pissed off too OP. If my DH (or DS come to that) was constantly losing things then lying about it, it would drive me nuts.

Jesus Sissy your post just reminded me.

On a pissed night out this week he dropped his fancy ass phone and smashed the screen (it still works though).

And is considering buying a totally new one rather than wait the possible 3 weeks for it to be fixed hmm

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 19:12:57

Okay my son had an issue with losing stuff that I have,for the main part, trained him out of.

I did this by giving him a clothing allowance but anything he lost was deducted from this amount so a replacement could be bought.

Soon bucked his ideas up when I followed through with it the first time and over half his money went on getting school sports kit replacements....

Hasn't lost anything since. wink It has been over a year.

Can't see how this can help you mind.

Just buy him stuff that stays in the house in future.

RayofSun Sun 18-Nov-12 19:13:21

Sorry but I agree with op. my dh does this and it drives me nuts!

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 19:14:32

You were being a bit U in saying that about the coat. But it is exactly the kind of thing I find myself saying in similar situations. <shrugs> I guess not everyone can take "the moral high ground".

He is being U to be sulking in my opinion anyway. He did lose the jumper and is careless. There is no point in him being stroppy when you point out something that is accurate.

JustFabulous Sun 18-Nov-12 19:14:40

The fact that he doesn't seem to care he has lost an expensive jumper is what is wrong. If he was apologetic and sad that he had lost it then I wouldn't give him any grief.

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 19:16:26

It is awful Alibaba and to be fair dd has hardly lost a thing in her 14 years. DS is another matter but even he is getting better at nearly 18.

Perhaps I'm a sucker but I always say I'd rather they didn't lose stuff but ultimately the most important thing is that they keep safe themselves and to remember that if they do lose something the most important thing that will ever come home is them.

DH hardly loses anything - very very rarely and usually his glasses which is why he always has two pairs - except his spares at at work.

Unfortunately they have inherited it from me but once I turned about 35 I improved greatly.

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 19:17:21

Is this the straw that broke the camel's back -as it were bunny ?

scarletforya Sun 18-Nov-12 19:18:35
ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 19:22:31

Bunny, I agree with you too. His attitude towards it is the worst part.

I don't get how adults manage to lose so much stuff - grow up, act responsibly, it's not that hard.

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