To think he should buy a new fucking engagement ring!?

(312 Posts)

I got a text from my ex fiance this morning saying:

"Hiya, this might sound a bit weird, but can I have the engagement ring back?? Think I may have found a new recipient!"

My face was like this shock.

I've not seen him for a while- since I picked the last of my stuff up- and have been distancing myself, but he didn't mention anything when I saw him. I asked him when we split if he wanted the ring back, and he said no.

Obviously I don't wear the ring, but it still means something. And what woman in their right mind would want a ring chosen by a man's ex and worn by her for nearly 3 years? I think that's pretty insulting for both of us. AIBU??

sudaname Sun 18-Nov-12 09:04:43

My DH has just said after l read OP out that what you should do is pawn it, get the money, then tell him where it is so he can buy it back if he wants it.

mental note, l'll have to watch him ! confused

Icelollycraving Sun 18-Nov-12 09:05:32

I think it is a way of trying to make you jealous. Text back & say he'd told you to do what you wanted with it so you did,you've sold it. Add by the way,congratulations! Really pleased you've moved on & are happy,that's great.
Makes it clear you are not jealous,unhappy etc.

expatinscotland Sun 18-Nov-12 09:07:10

Don't reply. Block him. Why is he still in contact, anyhow?

Take the ring to a pawn shop and buy yourself a chippy with the procedes.

Badgersnatch Sun 18-Nov-12 09:09:40

Go to Elizabeth Duke and buy one that looks just like it for thirty quid and give that to him. Flog the old one and buy something nice.

Slainte Sun 18-Nov-12 09:15:49

Do what musicalendorphins suggested grin

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 09:17:24

When I broke an engagement I gave the ring back actually I threw it on the bed just before I walked out.

If I had kept it and spent the money on something else I would always feel that something overshadowed the rest of my life so I'm glad I gave it back.

In your situation although your ex sounds a complete arse it would give me most satisfaction to say "yes of course, I hope your new fiancee likes it" and then relish the thought that one day she'll find out what he had done.

How much is it worth by the way. Is it worth sweating over?

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 09:17:54

Are you sure he's got a new fiancé. Maybe he wants to sell it himself. (Roughly he much isn't worth? )

MissMogwi Sun 18-Nov-12 09:25:22

He's only text you to let you know he's with someone new, to try and make you jealous. What an arse.

Don't answer him, flog the ring and buy something frivolous with the money.

TwitchyTail Sun 18-Nov-12 09:25:55

He sounds like a catch hmm Lucky new fiancee! Sounds like you are well rid.

But I do think rings should be returned (unless they are family heirlooms of the bride's side). Personally I'd have posted it through his letterbox at the time of the split if he refused to accept it in person. I'd do the same now and be done with it. Why stoop to his level and give him an excuse to engage with you further?

VolumeOfACone Sun 18-Nov-12 09:26:14

I'd sell it and give him half the money.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Sun 18-Nov-12 09:43:22

Having read your previous thread, I think this is all just another ploy to try to suck you back in, and I wholeheartedly concur with the other posters who have suggested not replying at all.

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 18-Nov-12 09:44:27

I agree with icelolly. There is no fiancee, he's trying to make you jealous. However, as you still have the ring, it is a (semi) legitimate reason for him to contact you.

Give it back, wish him well, and hopefully you'll never hear from him again!

StuntGirl Sun 18-Nov-12 09:50:18

Tell him you're sorry you sold it, but you've looked on eBay and there's one just like it going for a decent price.

Piggery grin

Engagement rings are gifts. He can ask for it back I suppose, but you don't have to give it. Tell him to sod off!

BalloonSlayer Sun 18-Nov-12 09:52:25

Actually I think I might text him with.

"You remember I chose that ring? You want ME to have chosen your new fiancee's engagement ring? Seriously? That's the funniest thing I ever heard. Lucky girl. Will put ring in post."

Scheherezade Sun 18-Nov-12 09:59:20

People who are saying its his ring/should be returned should maybe look into the history of engagement rings and why they exist at all.

Historically, they were given to provide financial compensation if a nan left a woman, and so destroyed her honour/chances of finding another suitor. It was supposed to be like a massive promise- because the man wouldn't want to lose out. Therefore expecting the ring back goes against the very reason engagement rings exist. This is why engagement rings are flashy with diamonds and precious stones, whilst wedding rings are plain bands.

Sallyingforth Sun 18-Nov-12 10:01:57

If I needed the money I would sell it.
Otherwise I would get my name discreetly engraved inside the ring, and hope that he didn't spot it before he gave it to her. smile

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 10:29:49

An engagement is given as a sign of a Contract of Marriage. If the marriage does not go ahead, the contract is broken, and the ring is returned to the giver.

This is fact. This is the law.

Tell him to bugger off. It's yours, he gave it to you as a gift.

I do like the 'buy an Elizabeth Duke replica' idea though! grin

Scheherezade Sun 18-Nov-12 10:38:17

From wiki:

Legal ownership

Tradition generally holds that if the betrothal fails because the man himself breaks off the engagement, the woman is not obliged to return the ring. This reflects the ring's role as a form of compensation for the woman's damaged reputation Brinig, Margaret F. (Spring 1990) "Rings and Promises". Journal of Law, Economics, and Organization. Vol. 6, No. 1, pp. 203—215

picnicbasketcase Sun 18-Nov-12 10:39:43

It's not the law according to the links given above. I would sell it and keep the money or offer to sell it back to him.

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 10:39:49

But we're in the 21st century now Scheherazade. Feminism has happened. I think the OP's prospects and honour are ok.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 18-Nov-12 10:40:36

Don't reply to the text. Your ex, for example, is a knob!

If you don't wear it as it is you could always take it to a jewellers and have it made into something you would wear. Upon divorce my mum took her round diamond set in yellow gold and had the stone set into a white gold band with a setting that made the stone look square.

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 10:44:13

There are two issues here:

Legally. It seems that the op is legally entitled to keep the ring according to most sources.

Morally. This is a much greyer area. Personally I wouldn't have kept it in the first place. However the OP's ex doesn't sound like he deserves it back. This is why I asked the approx value.

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 10:46:31

Under UK law, you do not have to return it

here

" section 3(2) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970, which states:

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason."

So no, you don't have to return it.

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