To say something at school or leave it now?

(25 Posts)

A few days ago a child brought me a toy of 10 year old sen dds in the playground and thanked me for letting her look after it overnight. I knew nothing about this and as it was part of a new set I searched for the others and found them missing.

DD then spent two days lying they were in her toy box/tray at school/bag.

I asked the child G who had given toy back if she had seen what dd did with the others, she told me that x and her twin y had them.

I challanged dd over this and she was adament they must have taken them from her bag, G said she had seen dd give them to x and y.

DD got in trouble for lying, taking a new set in and giving them away.
I demanded she go into school and ask for them back, she got 7 back but the others had been swapped on.

I told the teacher if she saw dd with toys could she confiscate them until hometime as dd had taken new toys and give them away.

I have since found out that infact dd took the toys in to swap and was told by x if you give me those 2 I will give you two of mine from home, dd stupidly agreed and handed them over, her twin Y saw this and conned the rest of the figures £15 worth in same way.
The same child has been taking money from dd at lunch guilting her into using dds snack money for her.

Pressed post too soon!

The children had no intention of giving her the figures in replacement.

Do I leave it now or do I mention it to teacher that they actually took it off her knowing they werent giving her anything in return.

DD is sen, dyspraxic and on autistic spectrum so very naive.

WorraLiberty Sat 17-Nov-12 14:46:31

Why don't you check your DD for toys before she leaves the house?

It's not really the school's job I'm afraid.

Yes definitely have a word about the money of course YANBU about that!

Goldenjubilee10 Sat 17-Nov-12 14:48:02

I think you need to speak to the teacher about the money but I wouldn't let them take toys to school. If she takes them after being told not to then it is her responsibility. The teacher has better things to do than sort out lost toys.

I usually do check to be honest.

I know its not her job but they children have been taking toys and money from dd saying they would give her something in return knowing they werent going to.

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 14:51:26

How do you know the children had no intention of giving her them and 'conned' her?

Tbh this is why dds school ban the kids from bringing toys in.

I would chalk it up to experience. How old is your dd?

I have never known a primary seek snacks at break times.

Mutt Sat 17-Nov-12 14:51:53

Your responsibility and not the up to the teacher to police.

My DS managed to get though the whole of his primary education without the need to take in toys or snack money.

thumper1806 Sat 17-Nov-12 14:52:26

Would it be fair to say that you feel your child is being targetted and taken advantage of by these children?

If that's the case, then I think you probably should mention it to the teacher in general terms so that she can keep an eye on things. As for the missing toys, chalk it up to experience.

Whocansay Sat 17-Nov-12 14:56:06

When I was the same age, I was bullied by a girl who, amongst other things, stole lunch money from me. The only thing that stopped it was when my mum had a chat with the headmaster, who then spoke to the girl's parents. I would suggest having a chat with the head. The twins may be doing other things to your dd too.

I hope she's OK.

Mrsjay Sat 17-Nov-12 14:56:09

ok the toys thing isnt unusual dds went through this was bayblades or something cant quite remember, but you need to frisk her before she leaves for school she isn't that naieve (god spelling ) that she knows she shouldn't take them although she could be intimitaded or trying to make friends with this kid, the money go straight to school on monday they are taking advantage same witht he toys but you need to make sure she hasn't got any in her bag when she leaves,

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 14:56:15

My DS2 (Asperger's) has also been 'persuaded' to do some swaps that were definitely a better deal for the other child. I try to check his bag & pockets for toys before we leave for school. I think you're just going to have to write off the toys, sorry.
I would keep an eye on the money thing, maybe keep a record of any incidents of extortion so you can approach the school with a list to show that you're not just talking about an isolated incident.

Fair enough smile

They sell toast and fruit at break and drinks at lunch.

They are allowed small toys/cards at lunch although I do not allow dd to take them, hence she has been grounded for two days for taking them/lying/trying to swap a new set!

Shes ten but dyspraxic and on autistic spectrum.

Nora because they bragged to another child what they had done.

Thats my worry thumper, dd is very naive and will do anything that is told of her. If dd was NT I would think yes her own fault and down to experience.

DD has been in trouble for taking them, lying etc.

Mrsjay Sat 17-Nov-12 15:04:03

I think you need to speak to the school I do think she is being taken advantage of tbh it isn't fair but kids will do that sometimes to others even if they havn't got special needs, DD2 is dyspraxic too it is a challenge sometimes isn't it

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 15:04:36

Nora because they bragged to another child what they had done.

I think you actually should mention it to the school. Because this child that heard them bragging could be lying and you seem to be spending alot of time questioning children to get to the borttom of this.

they need to know about the money. Definitely.

Ate you in the UK? I am honestly baffled as to why primary school children need to buy toast and juice on a morning break.

I only asked G one question, she volunteered the rest of the information while she was present and I was nagging at dd.

Yes UK school.

Old school they sent money for toast/milk in termly.

This one they take money in daily.

Ok I think I will just leave it and keep an eye out.

DD already knows I will be checking bags and pockets and sleeves when she leaves.

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 17:30:22

I think that's what I would do, WhistlingWaves. Has your DD been able to learn from the experience? I'm starting to get a bit anxious about how DS2 will cope in secondary, even though he doesn't start until next September!

RandomMess Sat 17-Nov-12 17:35:53

Yes I would talk to the teacher about it, they need to help build your dds skills in this, deal with the twins behaviour (bragging about taking advantage!!) and working with you for dds future.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:36:35

my DS has AS, dyspraxia and kids with these conditions are often taken advantage of.

I think you do need to mention it to the school and to the SENCO - they need to protect her from being taken advantage of and bullying. My ds was assessed by elizabeth newson (world renown authority on AS) and in her report she said it was as important for the school to prevent this as it was to stop a child in a wheelchair falling down stairs.

the school can only help if they know. I would talk to them, talk to your DD and be mindful of what she is taking to school.

Has she said why? was it to fit in?

Inaflap Sat 17-Nov-12 17:39:47

Yes, mention it to school. These two are taking advantage of her and let the teacher know about lovely G as she needs a pat on the back for being honest and caring. I let the teacher know when DS was coming back with bits of lego and figures from sets that I knew cost a bit. They were given by another boy I think to buy friendship but this lad was quite aggressive and I was worried that he might demand something back or that he had a few warped ideas on how to get friends, also I was concerned that his mum would be upset that he was giving away his stuff. I have also taught a boy who did this and gave away or sold for silly amounts expensive bike parts. As a teacher, I was able to do a class thing about belongings and value and actually banning stuff coming in unless the parents had given permission.

lovebunny Sat 17-Nov-12 17:43:49

its bullying. if they are knowingly taking advantage, its bullying. getting someone to carry your bag is bullying. conning them out of toys is bullying. tell the school.

I'm an sen to to a girl similar to your dd and I'd want to know, especially about the money. You do need to make sure she doesn't bring toys into school though and if she does that she is not to swap them under any circumstances. Does your dd have support?

Mrsjay Sat 17-Nov-12 17:48:38

what lovebunny said dont leave it your DD will be going through lots of emotions even if she doesn't express them it isn't fair of these kids to take the piss like that she needs to have somebody to stand up to them ,

*sen TA not to sorry, autocorrect!

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