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AIBU to be pissed off with my ex?

(45 Posts)
charllie Fri 16-Nov-12 21:25:17

Bit of background first, I broke up with ex my in 2009 and since then he rarely sees our daughter (who is now 6) it seems the only time he wants to see her is when it suits him, or when he remembers. Her birthday this year, he text in the morning to see if he could see her, we'd obviously made plans seeing as you get lots of notice for a birthday. Last years birthday, he didn't phone her let alone want to see her. His excuse, he was busy. The last time he spent any time with her was in August this year and only because she was in hospital after an operation so he done his 'father' duty and came to see her for all of 10 minutes, before that it was February.
The reason for this post, his girlfriend just text me asking if they can have her on Christmas Day!! I was so angry when I read it, how dare they ask to see her on such an important day to a child when all year they never make any effort. I'm fuming! He really doesn't deserve the title 'daddy' as far as I'm concerned.

charllie Sun 18-Nov-12 20:18:58

mammaTJ he's been with his gf for over a year. Which is how she's net my DD 6 times.
I phoned his mum on Saturday and I've arranged with her for my DD to go to hers on Boxing Day for 6 hours. Its now up to my ex to speak to his mum and arrange to see her there.
It drives me mad because even though I hate him with a passion he is still her dad and he should be wanting to see her as much as he can!
My DD doesn't even talk about him anymore, doesn't seem to miss him (there's nothing to miss as he was a shit father when we were together) and my OH is 100% a better daddy to her than he ever was or ever will be.
He doesn't deserve the title 'daddy'

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 14:10:46

Agree, just "no" to christmas day. You've already offered Boxing day, leave it up to them to get back in touch and arrange something. I wouldn't offer anything else again.

If he's only seen he DD 2 times in the year, and the last time only for 10 minutes, then this is a little girl he doesn't even know. This man is far off being a stranger. Why would you parcel her off to him for Christmas so he can play happy families, which is about him, not your DD. If he genuinely cared about his child he'd see her regularly, if he was asking to see her next weekend that might make sense that he's changed, but he's saying "I want to see my child in over a month's time - no, 'im not suggesting I want to be bothered with her in the next month." Sod that

CremeEggThief Brazil Sun 18-Nov-12 14:03:14

How unreasonable of them to ask for this!

MammaTJ Sun 18-Nov-12 12:41:13

I don't understand. If she has only seen her Dad twice this year, how has she met his GF of a year 6 times?

I think stick to your guns though, certainly do not let them have her Christmas day.

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 12:22:43

Thanks for answering my question charllie... I just wanted to check. That's good to hear... He sounds like a nasty bully, and it's not surprising you worry about how he'll respond. StuntGirl's advice is spot-on smile

StuntGirl Sat 17-Nov-12 20:08:30

You sound well shot of him. Just say "No, that doesn't work for me. You can see her on X day if you'd like contact over Christmas". And then <detach>.

charllie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:03:54

I know he'd never do that but if something like me being pregnant wound him up he'd be swearing lots and not happy. She went to his mums once and my sister was living with me, my DD moved into the room with me and sister had her own room. He found out and phoned me saying he was going to kill me, that I wasn't going to see DD again etc he just makes empty (thankfully they are empty) threats. He's a wimp, emotional and mental abuse.

flow4 Sat 17-Nov-12 09:00:48

I've just re-read your last post, and it makes me wonder... Are you worried your Ex might hurt your DD if he was drunk or angry?

flow4 Sat 17-Nov-12 08:55:56

Honestly charllie, you really don't have to justify yourself. Just say 'no'. YAsoooooNBU. There is absolutely NO argument here: YOU get to have your DD on Christmas day smile smile

If he doesn't like it, he'll just have to live with it. Personally, I don't even think you need to give him reasons.

charllie Sat 17-Nov-12 07:30:59

Another, not devout but *about
Note to self always check iPhone hasn't added strange words

charllie Sat 17-Nov-12 07:28:57

Not urging, *nothing stupid iPhone lol

charllie Sat 17-Nov-12 07:28:17

His gf knows exactly what he's like, she's text me before asking if he was nasty to me etc. I've not told her a urging about how he was with me as thought that would then go against me and make ex start hassling me again. I have mutual friends still with my ex and they have all said not to trust this woman, that she is not right in the head ( she can't be for being with him and wanting to be) she lies, tells me there won't be drinking as apparently its not right to drink in front of the babies (my DD is 6 not a baby) but I know that's bullshit he doesn't care if there are children around. A family party at his mums house and my DD went and so did he. His mum told me he went, drank a bottle of JD and then left. I'm not happy for my DD to be around pissed people any other time, let alone her own father on Xmas day. Plus he doesn't think about what he says in front of children so would happily slag me off in front of her, especially if been drinking. If she was so caring she would try and arrange for my DD to see her shit bf other times of the year, but its only if they have a children's party to go to or like this. After reading your replies, I'm sticking to my guns and I'll say I will drop her off at his mums for a couple of hours on Boxing Day. Least I know if he's drinking or being an arse they'll move her away or get him to leave. Another concern of mine is I'm pregnant (my bf not ex) we live together have done for 2 years but I worry devout ex reaction to pregnancy so would rather DD be somewhere I know people and she knows because if he is mad etc about it they'll get rid of him. There's a lot of background info that also adds to my worries (eg had an emergency injunction when we first broke up as my life was threatened daily, he's not a nice man!)

Bogeyface Netherlands Sat 17-Nov-12 00:51:53

My post was assuming that he has spun the GF a sob story about him not seeing his little girl on Xmas day because the OP is a bitch and wont let him. So the GF said "Why dont I ask her? she might be ok with me..."

The GF doesnt know him the like the OP does.....yet. When she does, she will dump his sorry ass too. I was just saying, dont assume she is sticking her nose in, she might think she is helping.

FreudiansSlipper Sat 17-Nov-12 00:40:35

This is not about your dd it is about playing happy families for them but your ex does not want to act like a daddy at any other time so hardly fair on this special day and it is about you too

Tell them no dd shall be staying with you on Christmas day but you happy to arrange something for maybe boxing day

MrsTomHardy Sat 17-Nov-12 00:15:59

I always wonder how a woman can be with a bloke who is such a shit dad, ESP if she has kids too..... Makes me mad angry

deleted203 Sat 17-Nov-12 00:09:29

Come on, ladies! How genuinely caring is it to want to leave another mother without her little girl on Christmas Day?? If she had any 'caring' feelings the gf ought to be able to see what a completely insensitive request it was.

MrsTomHardy Sat 17-Nov-12 00:01:10

I wouldn't even respond tbh unless it was the x himself asking.....I would never ever arrange contact with any gf/wife

Joiningthegang Fri 16-Nov-12 23:27:16

As zammo told us "just say no"

Bogeyface Netherlands Fri 16-Nov-12 23:20:09

I think Flow has a point, in that if she is genuinely caring then atleast the DD will be looked after and cared about. But then as Makeit says, she will soon get sick of being with someone so useless, and who can blame her?

MakeItALarge Fri 16-Nov-12 23:18:38

The problem with relying on the gf for contact imo is when she gets sick of him and they split up useless dad probably wont bother with his dd again. Then not only would the dd lose her useless dad but also a step family she may have grown close too

flow4 Fri 16-Nov-12 23:12:38

Speaking from my own experience and several of my friends', sometimes it can be a real relief when Slack Dad Ex gets a girlfriend... If she's a decent person, it means you don't have to deal directly with a man you'd sooner slaughter with an axe than talk to not have to deal with... And you know your DC is with someone who will actually be responsible. hmm

solittletimeandsomuchtodo Fri 16-Nov-12 23:00:34

Yes.
Christmas Dsy is for you.
More than fair to offer boxing day.
Agree with others -don't ask your daughter, she can just be told closer to the time. She doesn't need any doubts/guilt etc if she chose you for Christmas Day. (if that makes sense?)

kige Fri 16-Nov-12 23:00:08

Just say no. I wouldn't ask your dd either, she is too young to fully understand. It sounds like he wants to show her off and it isn't about your DD's happiness at all. She should stay with you - awful for a 6yo to spend Christmas with people she hardly knows and some she doesn't know at all. I'm afraid that includes her "dad" as he doesn't actually bother with her. She won't have anyone there she really knows well

simplesusan Fri 16-Nov-12 22:53:45

I too was thinking why has the gf texted and not her father?
Say no and leave it at that.

monstermissy Fri 16-Nov-12 22:49:41

I would text her back and tell her you won't be arranging anything with her or even entering a conversation with her in future. Deal only with the ex not his gf.

I would be bloody livid if some women started texting me. It's up to your ex no one else.

( I think its different if he's generally a good dad and she is a long standing gf and part of your dds life but that's not the case here.)

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