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To comment on amount of sweets another mum gave her dc?

(200 Posts)
Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:30:48

Ds goes to an after school activity and has made friends with
a little girl. I sit with her mum and we get on, have a chat etc. She also takes her younger dd who's 4 with her.

I bring a snack for ds as he's always hungry. Something like a flapjack, small bag of maltesers, single twix. I bring enough for his little friend and her sister.

So they had their snack and went off doing their thing. The mum gets a bag of freddo's out and her dd has two of them, she then gives her a bottle of coke that she sits slurping. Ok no big deal. She then gives her a big bag off fizzy cola bottles. The little girl is screaming and being loud, like she normally is.

So after ds and her dd finish she then gets out 3 mars bars and gives them out to her dd's and my ds.

I was shock and told ds to wait for after his dinner.

She let her dds have the mars bars.

I said that's a lot of sweets in one go. Not in a smugo way, sort of joking but meant it

Was I out of order confused

Frontpaw Fri 16-Nov-12 12:09:34

Thats a lot of sugar! I know we ate loads when we were little but childhood diabetes is on the increase - and what must their teeth be like? They must be bouncing off the walls!

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 12:10:16

Am I the only parent in the wold who finds that a sugar rush never impacts on my 3 kid's behaviour?

Christmas, Easter, Birthdays - whenever they have an overload of sweet stuff it just doesn't seem to make any difference.

I'm not saying they don't act like little gits at times - just that sugar has nothing to do with it for them grin

But am I the only one?

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:10:23

And tbf poppy I wouldn't worry about nutella on toast or whatever. I think chocolate is a good thing. I don't deprive my dc's anything. They just don't have enormous amounts of it all in one go.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:11:58

What even in a jokey manner?

But it wasn't because you actually meant it in a judgey way.

Difficult scenario TBH. You're right, that is far too many sweets, but you have to be really really good friends to be able to say anything and not come across as being critical.

butterfingerz Fri 16-Nov-12 12:13:18

That is alot of sugar in one go... and I am fairly relaxed about treats. I don't know if I'd be brave enough to say something though.

I think its best to lead by example rather than make comments (or jokey remarks) which may inflict hurt/offense. Bring fruit or savoury snacks for your kids and enough for hers to share, water or diluted squash. Like you say, encourage your kids to save any big bars of chocolate she gives to them until after dinner.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:13:27

no, Worra, you aren't alone. I often joke that DS2 is "allergic" to breathing smile I once had to apologise to his teacher in the morning because he was bouncing off the walls. After 2 slices of wholemeal toast and butter.

FeuDeRussie Fri 16-Nov-12 12:14:00

OP if she's your friend, or if you genuinely like her, then I would say something about it to her, assuming it wasn't just a one off and she gives them huge amounts of sweets all the time. I know what you meant by some people aren't that savvy - some people have no interest in food and nutrition (which is fair enough) and don't necessarily know the effects of blood sugar spikes and crashes caused by vast amounts of sweets. So I would say 'look, feel free to tell me to piss off, but I think you give them a few too many sweets and I think it could be affecting their behaviour'. And explain why, if she seems open to listening. But I'd be prepared for her to not like me after that!

YWBU to make the comment the way you did, it was judgey and snarky rather than helpful.

cornycatona Fri 16-Nov-12 12:14:35

it is a lot of sweets
saying 'that's a lot of sweets' is just an observation

I think you started this thread to indulge your judginess though

the girl was 'slurping' her coke and screaming in your ear?
would she have sipped water then?

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:15:04

Its more likely to be the caffeine in the chocolate than the sugar (saw experiment done on Supernanny type prog).
And I think YANBU. It takes a village to raise a child blah, blah, blah. Perhaps she will think about it a little more next time she is giving them loads of crap. Think I would have made a lighthearted comment also along the lines of "god if I gave DD that lot she would drive me bananas or hurl everywhere" type of thing.

cheeseandpineapple Fri 16-Nov-12 12:17:41

That's a fuck load of sugar in one sitting, for an adult let alone kids. I've just had 4 Jaffa cakes and I feel sick...

I'd have asked her if her kids are completely feral and mental when she gets home because mine would be. No judgment, genuine curiosity. I have to heavily monitor ds' sugar intake particularly if he's not been doing any sport/exercise as he can be manic with too much sugar and no outlet for it.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:18:34

She was slurping. What is wrong with saying that?

Cahoots Fri 16-Nov-12 12:19:16

I think saying that it was a lot of sweets was perfectly OK. I would have been a bit confused shock as well. It would not have been ok if you had gone on about it though. I think the other posters saying that you were 'judgey' are being rather judgey themselves!
I would reiterate to your DD that it is not goods have too many sweets but that not all Mums think the same and that she should decline sweets if she has already had her quota for the day.

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 12:19:42

It does take a village to raise a child but how does this child's sugar intake impact upon the village?

It doesn't, it's a personal thing and probably one that's best left uncommented upon.

Now if the child in question was the OP's family, perhaps a gentle word in the Mum's shell like might be in order...but that's not the case here.

Asinine Fri 16-Nov-12 12:20:05

If the only issue was a dubious link between sugar and behaviour, then I'd say mind your own business. The diabetes risk is the deal breaker for me.

Iceaddict Fri 16-Nov-12 12:22:26

I think it's ok because your DC was involved. If not then you can't say anything. Even though you'd be right

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:22:39

It's funny that cahoots because on the way home ds asked why he couldn't have his chocolate like the girls. I just said that he'd already had a snack and he could leave it in the car for after school today. He liked that idea.

He's not deprived of chocolate but I want him to know he can't just keep eating junk till it sones out of ears.

What is wrong with that?

cornycatona Fri 16-Nov-12 12:23:17

people often say that children are 'slurping' sugary drinks when they want to be judgy
bit like other phrases used e.g stuffing sweets/crisps etc into their mouths or gorging on chocolate

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 16-Nov-12 12:23:38

I'm really laid back about sweets and stuff but in that situation I probably would have been thinking it so would, knowing me, say it outloud too! not in a judgey way, just in a omg way. her DC must bounce off the walls 24/7

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:24:46

I think my ' blimey that's a lot ' was the fact she brought out the mars bars after just witnessing the little girl stuffing sweets for the past hour.

I was like WTAF.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:25:38

saying 'that's a lot of sweets' is just an observation

So is saying "You're really fat" but you wouldn't do it.

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:01

I made errors when I didn't know any better (not obvious ones like feeding crap though) and would have appreciated a little hint now and again. Not full on, just gentle hints.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:37

You shoudl have said "no wonder she is a screaming banshee, here have one of my fruitshoots and lets see if we can really hype her up"

ToffeeCaramel Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:37

WorraLiberty I don't notice a sugar rush difference in my children's behaviour either. I vaguely remember some study they did where they got people to observe their children at an outdoor party and they told some parents that their children had been given loads of sweets beforehand and some that they hadn't. The ones who had been incorrectly told that their child had eaten lots of sweets reported much worse behaviour when asked to comment on their child's behaviour. Does anyone else remember reading about that?

Cortana Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:42

I think YANBU.

My DS is a big eater. (We go through about 20 yogurts a week, 2 big bags of banana's, two bags of apples and 8 cereal bars as snacks. Not to mention the buttered toast he buys at playtime from tuck shop. These are just his snacks!) He eats adult sized meals at age 8. Thin as a whippet but never sits still.

Sometimes people comment on his appetite, I agree with them, I just say nicely that I'm aware he eats a lot, he does lots of exercise and is in fine form with no health problems. It's not them being rude, they just have concerns. I answer their concerns. All good.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:52

Never in my history of being here ( a long time ) have I ever seen the word slurping meant in a derogatory manner.

You sure you've not just made that up wink

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