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To comment on amount of sweets another mum gave her dc?

(200 Posts)
Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:30:48

Ds goes to an after school activity and has made friends with
a little girl. I sit with her mum and we get on, have a chat etc. She also takes her younger dd who's 4 with her.

I bring a snack for ds as he's always hungry. Something like a flapjack, small bag of maltesers, single twix. I bring enough for his little friend and her sister.

So they had their snack and went off doing their thing. The mum gets a bag of freddo's out and her dd has two of them, she then gives her a bottle of coke that she sits slurping. Ok no big deal. She then gives her a big bag off fizzy cola bottles. The little girl is screaming and being loud, like she normally is.

So after ds and her dd finish she then gets out 3 mars bars and gives them out to her dd's and my ds.

I was shock and told ds to wait for after his dinner.

She let her dds have the mars bars.

I said that's a lot of sweets in one go. Not in a smugo way, sort of joking but meant it

Was I out of order confused

threesocksmorgan Fri 16-Nov-12 11:31:51

that is a lot of sweets but yabu for saying it.

Pontouf Fri 16-Nov-12 11:33:49

I think it's reasonable for you to stop your own child from having the sweets but it has absolutely nothing to do with you what another person feeds their own child. YABU.

Seems a terrible amount of sweets to let her have but yes, YABU.....none of your business really and maybe she was desperately trying to avoid tantrums whilst they were out.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 16-Nov-12 11:34:41

You were out of order. Her children, her choice.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:35:37

What even in a jokey manner?

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:38:24

Haha that little gem ' her children, her choice ' love it.

Funny I was discussing this with my friend last night, she said that maybe she didn't realise that that was a ridiculous amount of chocolate/sweets to give a child. Not sure I get that but I suppose some people aren't savvy. I don't know.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 16-Nov-12 11:39:19

Well, you were obviously being a bit judgy, and unless she's a complete idiot she would have known what you were doing.

Her kids being loaded up with sugar is no skin off your nose.

missymoomoomee Fri 16-Nov-12 11:40:38

YABU, she probably feels really judged by you now. Its probably not a reflection of what she eats in general anyway. In the hour i have to wait for my DD to come out of dancing I feed my 2 younger ones far more than they would eat if they were sitting at home.

Whats with the 'screaming and being loud like she normally is' comment if you weren't really being judgy and were only joking.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:42:03

Erm well as I sit with her for an hour and the younger dd is screaming in my ear it is skin of my nose.

Betty I think the screaming isn't due to tantrums more like a sugar overload. There's no tears, just sudden high pitch screaming and banging of things.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:43:20

Do you not see how smug and judgemental you sound? "i suppose some people are not savvy"

Here have a biscuit don't have too many though!

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:44:13

or she could be bored sat there watching you making a face like a cats bum! I'd scream too

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:45:29

christ - everlong, im surprised at you - have another biscuit i actually wouldn't have made the above comments if i knew it were you, cos you are usually so nice!

It really is a ridiculous amount to give. I'd be shocked too but wouldn't say anything. I'm sure stuff that I do appears dubious at times but unless you live with us you wouldn't know the whys or wherefores surrounding any given situation. They could have been leftovers from a party, Halloween etc. I have to ration my kids sweets but they do recieve a fair amount from school, relations, as gifts etc. Two days after halloween I turned a blind eye while they hammered the rest of the Maoam's, Haribos etc. I wanted them gone, it was a rare treat and they obliged. Had that been your first experience of me you'd probably be hinting at dentists appointments grin

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:46:11

I just said ' blimey that's a lots of sweets ' and laughed. She sort of laughed.

There was no judginess or making anyone feel bad.

I just wondered if anyone would have said that.

Apparently not.

FrancesFarmer Fri 16-Nov-12 11:48:22

Unless I was actively trying to make the woman dislike me, I would say nothing.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:48:34

what have a biscuit yourself.

Ftr I didn't have a cats bums face. I was playing with the little girl and her dolls, actually.

MrsDeVere Fri 16-Nov-12 11:49:05

I had a friend years and years ago.
Her salad drawer in the fridge was FULL of chocolate bars.
Her kids were undernourished and chronically constipated.

I tdidnt comment because I thought 'not my business'

Turned out the poor women didnt have a clue! Her own mother had never
fed her, she had poor literacy skills and had no support network.

Once the HV had a talk to her she changed overnight. She borrowed loads of cook books off of me totally switched their eating habits.

So don't assume that everyone has had the same upbringing or has benefited from a decent education. They may have no clue at all about nutrition. Even with all the information available, it does pass some people by.

missymoomoomee Fri 16-Nov-12 11:49:26

That is judgy though confused

Imagine if someone said to you, 'blimey your child doesn't look warm enough' or 'goodness me your childs clothes need a good wash' and then laughed after it, you would probably feel bad and/or angry.

toddlerama Fri 16-Nov-12 11:50:14

I would have struggled not to say something too. I think you probably were unreasonable to comment, but hey, maybe I'm unreasonable! She's insane if she thinks that amount of crap wont affect behaviour/health/teeth/future attitudes to food. Sugar is addictive stuff. If it hadn't hit the market so long ago it would be controlled in the same way as tobacco. I know this isn't a popular view but most people can't ditch it, which shows how addictive it is. I'll get flamed for that but it's true. Pouring it into your children in a misplaced attempt to get them to be quiet is insanity.

" Everlong

I just said ' blimey that's a lots of sweets ' and laughed. She sort of laughed"

It is, by anyone's standards. I don't see why you shouldn't have said what you did.

PandaNot Fri 16-Nov-12 11:50:43

You were judging and I think that's ok. I believe we all do it and anyone who says they never judge another parent is fibbing to themselves. However it isn't ok to say it out loud. Some things are best kept in your head.

gnushoes Fri 16-Nov-12 11:51:01

It is a lot of sweets. Statement of fact.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 11:51:40

YANBU.

I would have tried to say something lightly / kindly too.

And then nothing any more.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:52:15

It was a lot of sweets though wasn't as if I was lying. Jeez.

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