Child Protection Issue - What do I do??

(60 Posts)
NeedHelpASAP Thu 15-Nov-12 20:46:05

I need help desperately, I am so scared I will loose my children and I don't know what to do. This proberly isn't the right place but did not know where else to post as need replies soon.

The problem is with my dad and daughter.

He collects my daughter every day from school for me and has done for the last 3 years as I work, he picks her up and drops her straight off with me as I get home at 3.30pm.

Today he dropped her off as normal and told me she had been very naughty in school today (on-going problem with behaviour) and he told her off but she ran away from him and then fell over, he showed me the cut on her knee which is consistant with falling over (a small graze).

I cleaned it up no problem, spoke to my daughter about the dangers of running away, nearby roads etc. and left it at that.

I then got a call from school asking me to come in immediately.

Thinking it was over her behaviour today I asked if I could speak to them in the morning as had to get tea on and sort out my younger children (4 and 1 years old).

They then said they were calling about the 'incident' with my dad!

They went on to explain that 4 parents! had been into / phoned school to make a complaint about my dad assaulting my daughter!

They explained that according to the complaints my dad had been shouting at my daughter when she ran away, he then grabbed her arm and pulled her back with such force that she stumbled against him, he then continued to shout at her and pushed her into a wall.

I am gobsmacked! I have of course spoke to my daughter and she says no, she says he shouted at her, she ran away and fell. The same story my dad gave me.

I don't think she would lie to me, she normally likes 'telling tales' to get other people in trouble and she has not got a mark on her, other than the graze to her knee. No bruising / finger prints to her arm etc.

I don't believe my dad has done this but 4 different people, why would they say this had happened if it hadn't?

Who do I believe my dad or 4 strangers?

School have contacted social services who came briefly to my home and asked me to sign that my dad would have no contact with my children during the investigation or they would be taken into foster care! I have of course signed and will not be able to go into work until I find someone else to collect her from school.

I don't know what to do, I don't know who to believe, I can't believe this has happened but I can't understand why people would say this? I am in tears, I am scared I will loose my children.

Someone please tell me what happens from here?

NeedHelpASAP Fri 16-Nov-12 09:55:55

Diddl - I don't know, all the what if's are driving me mad now. Of course it would have been better to get her in the car and then deal with her later but it obviously didn't come into his head and no-one predicted this issue.

She was kicking off when she came out from school, the teacher this morning explained that my DD was screaming and thrashing about in the classroom as they were telling my dad what had happened to try and prevent him from hearing so it was abad situation from the start.

They have explained more about what was said but will not say who obviously. I am finding it even harder to believe as no-one I spoke to this morning knows anything about it, other parents in my daughter's class saw him taking her to the car, some saw him collect her but no-one saw this incident although they were not all watching his every move clearly.

ll31 - Do you really believe somone should be judged for 1 mistkae 20-30 years ago? I take it you have never made a mistake? He has never been violent since.

Deuchers - There was no infomal fostering arrangement, she was signed over to me whilst a lot younger, her bio-mum is a relative who lived with me. One day she went and never took her child. I have a residency order and PR but I am not her legal mother if that makes sense as she is not adopted, nor being fostered.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Fri 16-Nov-12 10:14:02

needhelp it's playground gossip - giving that she was playing up in class I imagine she was a handful in the playground.

I feel sorry for your dad - it's not like DD is saying he beat her is it - neither is anyone else except some random strangers.

It's a storm in a teacup and it will blow over - can you work reduced hours until then.

fluffyraggies Fri 16-Nov-12 10:16:47

I wouldn't 'dismiss' the other mothers views. But they do need to be taken in context.

Neither the father nor the OP nor the girl herself are saying OPs father didn't have to restrain her. They are all saying there was indeed a struggle of some sort.

The OP's knowledge of her father and 'DD' must surely outweigh the conclusions being drawn by 4 onlookers at one given moment in time?

"she was kicking off when she came out of school" - i challenge anyone to handle this without a few eyebrows being raised by onlookers. I wonder if these 4 witnesses did anything constructive to help? I bet not.

"my daughters behaviour means we are not popular at school"

Very sad.

lovelyladuree Fri 16-Nov-12 10:23:04

I think it it totally out of your hands now. You just have to let the process follow its course. It takes a lot of guts for someone to report perceived chidl abuse so if four people made a complaint then SS will take it very seriously.

NicknameTaken Fri 16-Nov-12 10:24:36

Sorry you're in this situation. Keep calm, cooperate with SS, don't speculate about horrible outcomes. My ex maliciously reported me when Dd fell over in the playground and cut her face. There was a thorough investigation but it wasn't a negative experience - I emerged feeling very positive and vindicated. As a previous poster said, best case scenario, you may get some additional support with her.

niceguy2 Fri 16-Nov-12 10:34:04

To be honest there isn't enough information either way for anyone to know. The only people who do know are dad, DD and the parents who saw it.

Your hands are also tied to a certain extent in so far as SS have asked your dad not to have contact until it's all over. This is also a help to you as it gives you some space to see how things unfold.

If it helps, I can't see how you would lose residence of your daughter. At the end of the day this incident didn't involve you and you cannot be held responsible. The very worst case scenario is SS come back and say that your dad is no longer allowed unsupervised contact with your DD.

There are simply no grounds to remove residence from you and given that bio-mum has given DD up, you have PR AND defacto main carer. I cannot see any judge in his right mind would think that it would be in your daughter's best interests to remove her from your custody and stick her into care.

Popumpkin Fri 16-Nov-12 10:43:37

I don't have anything new to add but, if this were me, the things I would keep concentrating on are:

1. This could have been one person backed up by three friends. That would be entirely different to four seperate and independent people. One person could easily misunderstand events - I doubt four would all misunderstand in the exact same way.

2. Your daughter's injuries are consistent with your dad's version of events, which your daughter and other eye witnesses seem to be confirming.

3. The school have received an allegation of abuse. They are duty bound to report it to SS, who are duty bound to investigate and take precautions (not allowing your DD contact with your dad) whilst they do so. Once the school had received the complaint they would not have had the option to ignore it (and nor should they have).

4. You need to co-operate fully with SS. They will not take your DD into foster care unless they really feel there is no other option. They may also be able to offer you some help with DD's behavioural problems.

5. Trust your instincts.

Good luck with it all. I hope it all works out well for you & your DD.

diddl Fri 16-Nov-12 11:04:57

Well I hope that you all get some help as to how to move forward.

Her mum abandoned her?

Poor kid.

MrsDeVere Fri 16-Nov-12 11:41:59

SD the private foster care rules do not apply to close relatives.

In the case of non unrelated children there is a requirement to inform SS after 28? days (I think) but it will not necessarily make it a CP issue. Its a monitoring
one.

When I was looking after a non related child SS tried to class it as private foster care so they ^ didn't ^ have to be involved.
It certainly was not a private arrangement as I had never so much as set eyes on the child's parents, let alone arranged to look after them.

But I wont start a full fledged rant on this thread grin

catstail Tue 20-Nov-12 20:47:49

hows it going op? do you just have to wait and wait to see what ss are going to do or say?

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