I am about to explode with my boss

(176 Posts)
FuckingWonderwoman Wed 14-Nov-12 19:58:30

I am feeling stabby and want to kill him. Several weeks ago, he asked me and a colleague to organise an awayday for our team. He said it should build on the last one. OK, we said, we can do that, but people will want some fun activities as well. He, and another colleague, have emailed us a vast list of "helpful" suggestions as to what we might do on the awayday. We realised there were some politics here, so said yes, how helpful, we will look at these and see what we can come up with.

We came up with several options for the day using the Shit Sandwich approach - a fun, team building warm up exercise, which will take around 45 minutes, then a quick coffee break, and onto the next exercise, which is his serious work one, finishing with a fun, but relevant activity after lunch.

He has vetoed every single fucking suggestion we have come up with, both for the fun activities and the serious bit in the middle. We are now a week away from the awayday, and I cannot tell you how much time we have wasted on this, as he won't consider ideas, but wants concrete plans, set out in writing.

We have come up with what we thought was a good plan, still using the Shit Sandwich approach. I have emailed him to tell him our latest suggestion which is exactly what he said he wanted for the serious bit. I have said that I don't want to divulge details of the two "fun" exercises, as it is important that everyone comes at these "blind" and doesn't have time to think about them.

I've just got an email (yes, sent this evening). He has vetoed our serious activity and has said we don't seem to have thought about Susan's suggestions. We did think about them, but Susan is as mad as a box of frogs and her suggestions were too. He has also vetoed our "fun" parts to the day, unless we can tell him concretely what they involve.

We have one week to go.

AIBU to tell him to shove the whole thing up his arse and he and Susan can come up with something between them.

And then to crack his fucking head open with an axe and leave the building?

angryangryangryangry

ladygoldenlion Wed 14-Nov-12 20:03:42

YABU grin

ladygoldenlion Wed 14-Nov-12 20:04:23

Meant to say YANBU!!!! blush

FuckingWonderwoman Wed 14-Nov-12 20:05:04

And he won't order in sandwiches for the team, so we can have a team lunch together. People should bring in their own, apparently, or we can go to a local restaurant and each pay for our own lunch. To pay for sandwiches for everyone would cost him peanuts - we have in house caterers who can do it with a bit of notice and it will cost around £3 a head.

nannyl Wed 14-Nov-12 20:09:02

yanbu!!!

heyannie Wed 14-Nov-12 20:09:30

If it were me, being a worrier, I'd be doing a post mortem on myself wondering if I should have kept him more in the loop so he would have been able to veto things earlier and thus I wouldn't have wasted so much time, however he sounds like a twat so it probably wouldn't have made a difference... YANBU wink

And the lunch thing is outrageous, the whole point of an away day is a free lunch!

gordyslovesheep Wed 14-Nov-12 20:13:55

YANBU

I would suggest you meet face to face with him and explain that you need more information about what he actually wants since you feel you have followed his brief but it's obviously not what he wants.

FuckingWonderwoman Wed 14-Nov-12 20:16:03

He has been kept in the loop every step of the way and has just vetoed every suggestion. Often with no feedback, just "I don't think this is what I want to do" or "I'm not sure that will work." He hasn't answered the questions, so what do you want to do then (well, I thought he had, and that our latest suggestion was exactly what he wanted to do, but clearly it wasn't) or why won't it work?

FuckingWonderwoman Wed 14-Nov-12 20:16:57

We've had face to face meetings, emails, you name it. If I have another face to face meeting, it is more likely to be (my) hand to (his) face.

ihearsounds Wed 14-Nov-12 20:19:55

well clearly him and Susan know what they want to do, you are not a mindreader so i would email back and tell him to do it..

NatashaBee Wed 14-Nov-12 20:27:10

I'd be pretty narked if I was given a week's notice that I had to pay for lunch with my team who I don't like much anyway and maybe start earlier or finish later than normal.

I'd set up a brainstorming session with him, bring all your ideas to the table and work through them until you're left with a final few, then you can put those to the rest of the team (or a select few team members/colleagues to vote on) - you need to get something in place, regardless of how awkward he's being, by engineering a situation where he puts in some ideas and can't leave you hanging by vetoing everything.

Narrowboat Wed 14-Nov-12 20:28:58

Sounds nasty and controlling! Leave the bastard.

Or just come up with crazier and crazier suggestion. A cocktail mixology lesson or pole dancing tutorial.

FuckingWonderwoman Wed 14-Nov-12 20:30:48

Mmm, cocktails....

<strokes beard thoughtfully>

grin

We had also planned to start at 1000 and finish at 4, so that people could leave early as it's a Friday, or go for a team drink. But apparently we have to go through till 6.

Is there a new mn rule that mad as a box of frogs must be used in every post? Please say there is.

Yanbu. I once had a boss who left me to arrange an event and then rearranged everything on the day. He re worked the entire agenda and every slide, even as the event was running. Had me scurrying around to find the right kind of olives.

ImperialStateKnickers Wed 14-Nov-12 20:32:29

<wanders into thread>

Thanks for reminding my why I set up on my own.

<wanders back out>

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Wed 14-Nov-12 20:37:41

Do we work for the same company? There's a director where I work who used to manage staff based at 2 different sites 150-odd miles away from each other. One year he decided that his budget couldn't stretch to taxis and accommodation for all the staff to attend the Christmas party so he told the staff at one site that it was cancelled grin

echt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:38:50

I worked in a school where the HT did this. I soon cottoned on and made sure that everything I presented to him had some inconsequential item he could adjust without damaging the whole.

Boss is shagging Susan...

tiggytape Wed 14-Nov-12 22:23:06

Email Susan and tell her he wants her to organise it.

FuckingWonderwoman Wed 14-Nov-12 22:29:45

Oh Waslost, what a truly horrible thought!! Think Susan might be a bit huffy because she wasn't asked to do it anyway.

Yes, Think. New rule. Compulsory, apparently.

SminkoPinko Wed 14-Nov-12 22:34:40

Can't you drop out of running it? It's going to be shit and you'll get the blame!

mummydarkling Wed 14-Nov-12 22:46:10

Tell your boss how difficult it has been for you. Perhaps you could have a DIY buffet eg "bags I taking in the Pringles". He may have no budget for lunch.....Susan may be an insightful woman give her ideas a chance. Away days during a recession are very difficult. At least you can vent on MN so you can be calm and reasonable with him. smile

CointreauVersial Wed 14-Nov-12 22:53:51

I would definitely be dumping it on Susan at this point.

ifancyashandy Wed 14-Nov-12 22:55:42

I would lay my cards on the table. In writing.

'Dear Shit Boss,

Firstly, thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my powers of mind reading organise the shindig. Myself and colleague A have very much enjoyed brainstorming and coming up with ideas but our powers of telepathy have evaded us I am concerned that with a week to go, we don't seem to have found a plan you are happy with. Is there a different / particular route you would like us to go down? I know you said you liked the idea of blah blah blah but were concerned about XYZ. We tried to address your concerns with ABC but you were understandably doubtful it would work due to TBC. (List all examples here).

I only ask for your advice and support in this matter as I am worried that the deadline is looming and we are no closer to confirming the state of play. Any input from you would be gladly received..

Yours, A Failed Mindreader.

You have to accept that he does not want you to succeed without him swooping in at the final minute to save you. He's a cunt twat. So play him at his own game. Be sorry you can't deliver what he wants because - and this is crucial - he has been unable to give positive ideas of what he wants. But spin that to look like yuve tried to facilitatenall his ideasnbutntheyve not worked (and list reasons they've been unable to come To fruition). You need to delegate Up (to him) and use the 'Help me OBWanKenobe you're my only hope'. He wants to save the day? Well, then let him come up with the ideas.

You may have to accept that you ain't going to win this one BUT if you do all you can to flag this in advance (and the reasons why ie. his inability to articulate his requests), so what? You and your colleagues will know you did all you can and ultimately, it came down to him. Whistleblow and kill with kindness at the same time. He'll know he was the obstruction in the end...

Kill him. Dispose of the evidence wink

I'd be completely at the end of my tether.

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