Woman in her 40s ish just gave up her seat on the bus to woman who looked 60ish. WIBU to CRINGE!

(36 Posts)
Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:00:04

The older, very able-bodied woman accepted the seat, but if I was her I'd be wondering if I looked ancient right now...

Either the younger lady is just very nice...or it was an evil, passive aggressive move grin

sparklypenny Wed 14-Nov-12 18:03:40

YWBU. My MIL is in her sixties and looks fit and healthy, but has arthritis in her hands and would find it hard to hold on if standing on a bus.

My mother is in her early 70s but looks younger. She also appears fit and healthy but is prone to fainting.

Spatsky Wed 14-Nov-12 18:06:33

I hate judging who is old enough to offer a seat to for fear of offending.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:07:45

Hmm, ok whats the cut off point age wise for giving up your seat? I tend to do it only if the person looks properly old or infirm. But I take your point.

Still think i'd feel a bit hmm if I was the older lady, as she clearly makes an effort to stay young looking and is weaeing black nail polish with not a grey in sight!

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:08:35

That was to sparkly btw.

ophelia275 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:09:47

WTF!? How cynical do you have to be to interpret this as a "an evil, passive aggressive move"? Can't people just be nice for the sake of it anymore?

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:12:45

My suggestion that it was PA was tongue in cheek. But I did cringe. Was just imagining how i'd feel if I was the older woman. Maybe i'm wrong though, I've never been 60.

CarpeThingy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:16:51

Depends on whether you interpret "You are older than me" as a mark of respect/consideration, or an insult.

BooyhooRemembering Wed 14-Nov-12 18:19:56

OP was clearly joking with the PA comment.

my mum is 57 and would really be mortified if she was offered a seat on a bus. having said that, she doesn't even look 57 and takes good care of herself. i do however know women younger than my mum who look like they are almost 70 and would probably be offered seats.

ophelia275 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:25:36

I'm in my late 30s and if someone offered me a seat I'd take it as a nice gesture, regardless of why they were offering. I hate standing on buses/tubes.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits Wed 14-Nov-12 18:30:25

A young woman gave me her seat on the bus recently, i'm 50 ,have a stick but no heavy bags/babies/buggies. It was the first time ever,but it was graceously offered so although i was a little surprised, I graceously accepted.
Its really nice when we all do good things, and not look for angles.
I'm not originally from yorkshire, but where i live now, you see this a lot.smile

Hesterton Wed 14-Nov-12 18:34:58

I'm 50. I offer my seat to people who are pregnant, people with small children and those who look very tired. I get up and say, you look tired, have a seat and smile. They have always said thank you and smiled back. They usually take the seat. Nothing passive aggressive at all.

A couple of times a younger woman has given me a seat. I don't think oh gosh I must look old, I just think what a respectful young woman, she sees I'm her mum's age or whatever and that maybe I look as tired as I usually feel at the end of a days work. And so I say thank you and accept the seat graciously.

OwedToAutumn Wed 14-Nov-12 18:36:31

She was being polite.

The older lady could've politely said "no" but chose to take the seat.

Happy outcome all round.

YABU

PeshwariNaan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:09

Damn, I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm lucky if I get a seat on the bus.

I've offered seats to people who looked pregnant before and might not have been, but surely they can decide if they need a seat or not? Better safe than sorry.

MrsCantSayAnything Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:32

hmm I'm 40 and I certainly stand up when a woman of 60 plus arrives....at say, the bus stop or something.

Why wouldn't I?

It's called being polite yabu!

Conflugenglugen Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:55

When it's one of those situations where it's a grey area - i.e. the person might take offence at being offered a seat - I will say to them, "Please let me know if you'd like my seat." That way, they have the choice, and they know the option is there, but it doesn't belittle them. I said this to a cerebral palsied man on the tube the other day, who told me he was fine standing.

CremeEggThief Wed 14-Nov-12 18:39:06

What, so now you're meant to be offended, if someone politely offers you a seat? confused

Floggingmolly Wed 14-Nov-12 18:44:39

Cringe, really? hmm. How totally graceless you sound.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:46:22

No no I don't think you're MEANT to be offended at all, and if in our culture it was the done thing to be super respectful to anyone who is older than us I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

I just know my 60 yr old mum would have been mortified so I guess i'm projecting her feelings onto the older woman.

I also think if the younger woman had said something like, "hi, i'm not going far, would you like my seat", I wouldn't have thought twice, but she didn't say anything or smile, just automatically stood up. I'm sure she was just being nice smile

AThingInYourLife Wed 14-Nov-12 18:47:18

"Depends on whether you interpret "You are older than me" as a mark of respect/consideration, or an insult."

Well said.

I hate standing up. I really hate it, but I would give up my seat to someone who looked like they needed it - if they looked tired or peaky or had a lot of shopping.

I most needed seats in early pregnancy, but nobody knew sad grin

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:47:45

Flogging, i'm not too sure what you mean by graceless, or what you thought I meant by cringe...?

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:48:56

That's my point AThing, so would I, but she didn't look like she needed it.

grimbletart Wed 14-Nov-12 18:50:10

I am 69 and, thank goodness, have never been offered a seat - I would be off to the quack's (or the hairdresser's) sharpish if that happened. I am probably fitter than half the 40 year old couch potatoes I see around these days.

However, if I were offered a seat, I would probably smile sweetly, say thank you (through gritted teeth) and sit down - all because I was brought up to be polite and not make others feel uncomfortable, even if inwardly seething.

I can't wait for all you 40 somethings to reach your 60s and discover that are not in fact some doddery old bird in God's waiting room, but still have your feet and your marbles.

Remember how, when you were 10, 30 year olds had one foot in the grave?
Then you learned that 30 was not so bad when you got there. Well, apply that philosophy to 60 year olds now you are 40.

Just saying....grin

lamename Wed 14-Nov-12 19:02:20

People offer me seats on the bus - the tube, even - the whole time. I am 44. But I do look really, really wobbly - hideous balance, see.

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