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I can't stand it anymore! I need to know if i AIBU?!(134 Posts)
Every week we see my Inlaws, we go for a meal round there and at least one other visit during the week for a cuppa/Visits from them.
MIL also rings DH every other day at around 10pm at night and then moans if he doesnt pick up
When we are in bed together
So the last four days went like this...
Saturday: Spent all day with them.
Sunday: Spent half the day with them.
Monday: 2 hour phone call to DH from MIL.
Tuesday: Visited for about 3 hours in the evening.
Today: Another 2 hour phone call to DH.
I talked to DH about needing some time to ourselves in the evenings/weekends as he works 8/10 hour days. He told me that we do spend time together... "Sitting watching TV" and says that he would find spending the day just me him and our DD "Boring".
Ever since we have been together me and DH havent been out just to two of us and i have dropped plenty of hints that i would love if he planned a trip to the cinema and a couple of drinks after just me and him one weekend, Again this would be boring to him.
So this evening i told him that i do not want to visit nor want any visitors for the rest of the week as i want to just spend time with me, Him and our DD. He thought that i was being extremely unreasonable "Pushing his family away".
I see my family once a week and this is enough for me as i think we have our own family now and need to make time for us but DH cannot do anything without mentioning his MIL and is always saying that he wants us to go over there to see them and if i dont want to he starts a big arguement about how unreasonable i am being because it would just be a "Quick visit"
But it always turns into a 3 hour one
I am sick of seeing my Inlaws so much, I do not get on with them anyway as they have voiced how i am not "Good" enough for DH as i am not at all academic and i am not intelligent enough
And not as skinny nor pretty as his previous partner which his sister voiced when she met me but i am always kind and considerate to them.
It has become to much now, DH wants to see them 4 times a week and i just think that it is way to much! An example of how much he values them is when me and DH were watching a film, Just put DD to bed and were cuddling on the sofa when he gets a text from MIL saying ring her, She would love to hear from him. I told him to ring her tomorrow as we were spending time together and he got so angry with me that it turned into an arguement, He eventually sat down
After telling me how unreasonable i had been and about 5 minutes later said that he was going to the loo. An hour later i find him on the phone to MIL whilst sitting on the bath!
AIBU to want some space and for DH to make more effort with spending time as a family?
Can you do things and invite him along? Taking kids swimming, park etc? Just an idea.
Yikes. I see I'm not the only one who thought of Norman Bates!
OP - what is MIL's relationship with DD like? Does she care about her grandchild? If TH (that's Twatty Husband) goes round there without you, does MIL want him to take DD too?
I'm just wondering if she would be happy babysitting once a week.
Ty to *rudolph's" idea - he either commits to his family with you and does what it takes to build a proper relationship, or he commits to his family with his mother and leaves you to get on with your life.
Are you ok op? I hope you come back, wr want to know how you are
So this started when you got pregnant, do you think he wants to be his mothers little soilder again because he can't hack growing up and being a father himself?
You should just let him off to visit on his own and you and dd have fun doing something just the two of you. See does that wise him up, he might start to value your family unit if he feels a bit excluded from it.
Or you could insist on spending the equal amount of time with your family, see does that wake him up a bit
Where is the op? She hasn't come back to let us know what is happening
i would be distancing myself and dd from both if them, if you want to see your mother it will be alone.
i lost a relationship cause of a man like this, no balls at all.
I'm sorry OP but I think this marriage is dead in the water. The most important relationship in his life is the one he has with his mother...and she seems to agree with this.
Unless you are willing to consign yourself and your daughter to the lower reaches of his list of priorities there will be very little peace for you. Can you really accept that his primary relationship is with his mother and that you are, in effect, the "Other Woman"?
OP - my DH is close to his mum. They speak daily on the phone - it used to be 4 times a week till she was widowed 7 years ago - and while it irritates me, I'm fine with that.
That said, we only see her every couple of months as she lives 2 hours away from us, I know she loves me (she's never said a word against me) and adores our kids, DH and I have several date nights (just the two of us) a month and plenty of family outing days at the weekends with our boys and so his close loving relationship with his mum is something that is healthy and he juggles that with our family life. Your DH's perspective is askew - how on earth will you have a rich fulfiling family life if he doesnt spend any time with you and your DD? Yes, seeing the inlaws and enjoying an extended family life is great - but you and he should have at least 1 date night a fortnight and you, DD and he should have one family outing to wherever a weekend too so you can build your own memories and strengthen family bonds. And if your inlaws are rude to you and DD, he should stand up for you!
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