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Pregnant friend smoking weed.

(114 Posts)
firefliesinjune Wed 14-Nov-12 14:39:49

I really dont know what to do about this. Its about my friend - well we aren't really close - we are neighbours who get along ok, our oldest DS go to school together.

She is nearly half way through her pregnancy but she is still smoking weed and quite a lot. She isn't "stoned" all day long she actually works most days but mostly in the evening she is smoking a lot of weed. I know this to be true as we have talked about it. She says she is too stressed to stop. Her husband smokes too.

Just recently she had very bad stomach pains and she has told me that this pregnancy is more painful than her last. I worry about the effects on her baby.

She knows I dont really approve but she isn't really the sort to care. I dont know whether I should maybe mention my concerns to the family mentor at the school who knows us both and is a really nice lady? I just feel so awful knowing she may be damaging her baby and I am not doing anything about it.

Should I be minding my own business?! If its none of my business then tell me and I will accept that and try not to get involved. I am not a busy body or gossip but this has been playing on my mind.

I dont have anything against cannabis to be honest, as long as you aren't harming anyone you can do as you like I dont care but she is harming her baby isn't she?

Any advice gratefully accepted!

StarbugEnterprise Wed 14-Nov-12 15:19:27

YANBU!

This is as bad as drinking when pregnant! In fact that it might be that if she smokes it enough that it could cause her baby to become addicted to the nicotine that she puts in the joint and can give her baby mental health issues. Eg, paranoia, memory loss etc.

Maybe tell your friend you a worried and listen to her side of the story - is there a hidden reason she is smoking it? Don't patronise her or make her feel uncomfortable. If it doesn't work then you may have to accept her baby/body her rules, no matter how much you disagree!

firefliesinjune Wed 14-Nov-12 15:56:58

Thanks for the reply! She has smoked for a long time - she is quite a highly stressed lady so she finds the only way she can relax is with a joint. She told me she wanted to cut down gradually but she gets it off one of our mutual friends and she is around there every other day picking more up. I thought that the pains would make her think twice but that evening she was straight out picking up again. Its crazy. I dont want to cause lots of trouble for her but I worry about that baby!

shockers Wed 14-Nov-12 16:00:40

YANBU!

I hate these kind of threads because someone will always come along with the 'Her body, her rules' argument... well it's not just her body any more (this is not directed at you BTW starbug, I agree with your post), she is now carrying a child.

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 16:03:48

But it IS her choice, sadly sad

buggerama Wed 14-Nov-12 16:04:39

Is she stupid? Does she not know this isnt good for her baby?

If not, then butt out of her business

ReallyTired Wed 14-Nov-12 16:06:44

YANBU.

If you do report her, it will be end of the friendship. Undoulbably she will hate you for ever. If you report her the school then the school will inform social services. Social services may well take way her children if she and her partner makes no effort to stop smoking canabis. There is little doult that it will cause her "trouble".

I don't think you can say "her baby/body her rules" when it is another human being being affected.

Its a sad situation. She needs to find alternative ways for managing stress.

whatsforyou Wed 14-Nov-12 16:08:44

I would also be a bit concerned for the child she already has too. If she is so stressed she is smoking it all the time then she is probably smoking it in front of them and children can get the effects from passive smoking sad
If you've tried to mention it to her and got no where then I think I would be mentioning something to the school, they may have already got concerns about the older child and you could just be filling in the blanks. Not a nice situation to be in but you sound genuinely worried and at least this way you will know you have done what you can.

MrsWhoGivesaShit Wed 14-Nov-12 16:09:38

i am sure she is not stupid and realises that it is not good for the baby, so she obviously doesn't care. how will you be causing any trouble for her? you will express your concern, she will ignore you. end of.

Bumpstart Wed 14-Nov-12 16:12:47

A brief Internet search suggests that use of cannabis in pregnancy can be associated with low birth weight. It is not associated with a greater risk of perinatal mortality. Can anyone come up with any actual physical harm associated with cannabis use during pregnancy?

Without something concrete to worry about, I personally would not interfere.

Is she seeking advice about the pains?

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 16:13:46

I don't think you can say "her baby/body her rules" when it is another human being being affected

But you can - the mother gets to decide what she does or doesn't do while pregnant, and while I think it's wrong and my eyebrows would shoot of my forehead if I knew someone doing this, we do not live in a world where the baby's needs/wants outweigh the mother's choice.

YANBU..the woman is an idiot.

Not that there is anything you can do about it though....it is her body therefore it is her rules, no matter how bloody irresponsible they are.

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 16:17:07

Yep, she is an idiot.

thebody Wed 14-Nov-12 16:18:51

If she asks you directly then tell her you are worried for her and the baby.

Not much else to do is there ad IT IS her body and her choice.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 14-Nov-12 16:23:45

we do not live in a world where the baby's needs/wants outweigh the mother's choice. Thank God, and may someone shoot the men people who are trying to make it otherwise in the US.

Back on topic... Op, you say "she is quite a highly stressed lady so she finds the only way she can relax is with a joint"

Have you (gently) approached the idea of getting anti anxiety meds off the GP with her? Although it has been many years since I last tried pot, I find that diazapam from my GP offers a similar level of relaxed feeling without the feeling that "this drug is in control, I'm not!" If the topic of "it's the only way I can relax" comes up, maybe bring up a visit to the GP to discuss stress and anxiety and get free (or cheap if you're in England) medicine, rather than self-medicating with pot. If she does go down that route, she really NEEDS to make sure the GP knows about her self medication.

I feel quite sad for her; I hope she gets the help she needs for her mental health, as she must be suffering quite a bit if she's donig the pot just to stop the stress. sad

whatsforyou Wed 14-Nov-12 16:27:49

valiumredhead
Actually there are an increasing number of pre-birth case conferences happening now where mothers are identified as high risk during pregnancy, often for issues such as drug and alcohol abuse. Obviously the child cannot be removed from the mother before birth but plans can be put in place on how to best support the family when the child is born and if necessary this can be removal of the child at birth although this would be extremely rare and only in very serious cases.

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 16:30:34

whats yes, and where previous children have been removed and the mother goes on to have more pregnancies then obviously future children can be either taken away or watched very closely.

BUT no one can stop you drinking or smoking while actually pregnant, so it IS the woman's choice ultimately.

whatsforyou Wed 14-Nov-12 16:35:25

Absolutely, but there may be consequences of that choice and I think sometimes that gets a bit lost.
Families who may be dismissive of any impact of their behaviour on the unborn baby (I work with Mum's who will tell you there is no evidence that smoking during pregnancy is dangerous) however if they were aware that they are at a higher risk of having SS involvement they may well think twice or be more likely to look for support at a less threatening level.

Dahlen Wed 14-Nov-12 16:43:27

You could, of course, take the stance that cannabis is illegal and report her to the police, which could set off a whole chain reaction and may involve SS.

However, ask yourself if you would you report a woman who smoked. The answer is obviously no, because it's legal. Why is it different with cannabis? If you answer because it isn't legal it begs the question of why didn't you report her for smoking it before she became pregnant, when it was still illegal.

Which then leaves only one explanation: the clash of needs between mother and unborn child and how as a society we are encouraged to put the mother's needs lower than the unborn child's, despite the legal position to the contrary.

Don't get me wrong, I disapprove and will think less of anyone who does this. But until that child is born, the mother's right to do what she wants with her body is legally enshrined and should be respected. If you're going to report her, do it because you disapprove of cannabis full stop.

StarbugEnterprise Wed 14-Nov-12 16:43:36
WilsonFrickett Wed 14-Nov-12 17:07:23

she's not doing it because she's stressed. She's doing it because she's addicted. Hash is extremely addictive, as is nicotine. So she may not be able to just stop. She also may not want to. Or she actually may want to, but with an addiction and a smoking partner she may find it impossible to do without support. But the 'stressed' stuff is horseshit.

QueenofNightmares Wed 14-Nov-12 17:39:54

Starbug and Bumpstart

Not defending anyone in the interest of a balanced debate I'd like to point out Dr Melanie Dreher's medical study into the effects of marijuana on developing babies showing it caused no harm at any stage and it in fact improved the babies psychological stability. She studied both mother and babies over 10 years and is the only person to complete a study of its kind.

Sorry I find it all fascinating smile

LittleTyga Wed 14-Nov-12 17:48:55

I've known loads of people who smoked weed during their pregnancies - not tobacco - and their babies are all doing very well with no problems - How is her son? did she smoke through that pregnancy?

Is she smoking skunk or weed? With or without tobacco? I only can comment on weed as don't know anyone who smokes skunk.

LittleTyga Wed 14-Nov-12 17:50:33

Hash is completely different to weed - don't know much about hash either - what is she smoking?

TellyRotsYourBrain Wed 14-Nov-12 17:55:39

Little essentially when you cant take most normal drugs would hash or weed make a difference confused
You'd 'probably' be okay taking ibuprofen but its suggested to see the doc to check

If i were you id suggest she asks her GP what they think. some say to carry on smoking a small amount of tobacco as it would make you more stressed giving up. (apparently this is what my friend was advised)

If she doesn't want to, she knows she shouldn't be doing it.

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