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Siblings at birthday parties...

(41 Posts)
MrsWolowitz Wed 14-Nov-12 12:33:16

My DD1 (4 yo) has been invited to a birthday party next week.

DH is working and I can't get a babysitter for DTs (2 yo).

WIBU to text the mother of the girl who's party it is and ask if the DTs can come? I dont know her at all but have her number on the invitation. It's in a soft play area with a party buffet so I would obviously say that I would pay for them to attend. It's £8 a child.

If I don't ask then DD1 can't go.

What's the party protocol in these situations?

littlewhitebag Wed 14-Nov-12 12:36:09

There is usually a limit for numbers at these kind of parties and it would totally not be on to ask for your younger child to attend. Can i ask why you can't look after your younger child?

CharlotteBronteSaurus Wed 14-Nov-12 12:37:00

would the DTs even have to join the party?
I'm in a similar position on Saturday, and will be paying dd2 (2) into a soft play place where dd1 is going to a party. dd2 can have her tea in the cafe while the others are in the party room.

failing that, see if one of the other party guest can take your dd1?

crazygracieuk Wed 14-Nov-12 12:37:54

Definitely ask. Most parents won't mind as long as you buy food/drink for your twins and pay entry for them. I've been asked and done the asking and it's always been ok.

MrsWolowitz Wed 14-Nov-12 12:38:35

little because I will be at the party confused

She is 4. None if the parents drop and leave 4 year olds at soft play centres.

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 12:39:05

Gosh that would be absolutely fine with me if you asked in your DT could come along, I wouldn't charge you either......more the merrier! I'd first offer for you to leave your DS though but if you weren't comfortable with that then DT would be more than welcome smile
Don't worry about it, just text her!

crazygracieuk Wed 14-Nov-12 12:39:53

Don't forget to get a party bag for your twins if they are old enough to be jealous if dd1's party bag.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Wed 14-Nov-12 12:41:11

Yes, I'd have thought if you told the other mum you'd pay for your DTs, and brought food & drink for them so they weren't impinging on the party at all, that would be fine.

Groovee Wed 14-Nov-12 12:41:20

I used to take my other child to the soft play place and sit away from where the birthday group were and buy our own drinks and snack then get the child at the party from the collection point at the end. Can't you do that?

littlewhitebag Wed 14-Nov-12 12:41:32

Wow things have changed since my kids were young then! I regularly had parties for 4 year olds at these kind of places and everyone left their kids. Why do you stay? Do you have to? If it is a big play area type place then take the other child on their own and play with them. They might not be able to join the food part but they will be able to mix with the other party goers.

JoandMax Wed 14-Nov-12 12:41:34

I think as long as you pay and get them separate food it'll be fine.

I've taken DS2 to a couple of parties DS1 has been invited to recently and it's been no problem.

ChristianGreyIsAJackass Wed 14-Nov-12 12:41:34

Is your eldest DD at school now? I only ask as i think once they get to school they are dropped at parties and picked up afterwards rather than you staying, in which case you can drop her yourself?
I wouldnt ask (i have DS(4) and DT's (17mths)) they are not invited to the party, it would put the host on the spot imo

Quadrangle Wed 14-Nov-12 12:42:12

I think if you make it clear up front that you will be paying for them to get into the soft play (I'm assuming it is open to the public at that time and not exclusive use by the party.) And you say that you will not be bringing them to join in the party tea (or sending them up for a party bag) but will be taking them off to the cafe to eat separately during the party tea, then it is ok. What isn't ok is when people bring sibs along and expect the party host to pay for them per head as part of the party, provide a party tea for them and provide party bags for them.

It's fine just make efforts to keep the DTs away from any party territory inless they are specifically invited by the party host.

You probably find there are other parents I the same position - sit with them and enjoy! This is quite commonplace and totally acceptable.

Obviously different if it was someone's house.

[smilw]

MrsWolowitz Wed 14-Nov-12 12:42:48

Great. I think I will ask.

I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if someone had asked me when it was DDs birthday but I didn't know if that would be ok with other people.

If she says no then she says no I guess. I don't know any if the other mums well enough to ask them to take DD yet.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Wed 14-Nov-12 12:44:40

Christian I'm very harsh about parents who just expect their other DCs to be part of the party but if the OP makes it clear that she's not doing that (giving them their own party bags is a good idea) then I'd have thought it would be ok because she's clearly not asking anything of the host mum. Especially somewhere like soft play where the DTs can be busy having fun without host mum having to entertain them.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Wed 14-Nov-12 12:46:02

I think if you pay entrance for DTs separately and dont expect your DTs to sit at the birthday table and partake in birthday tea/lunch, then I dont think it should concern the hostess.

You could perhaps just RSVP for your dd and add, "I will bring her siblings as husband is working, but will naturally not expect them to be in the birthday party and will pay separately"

steppemum Wed 14-Nov-12 12:46:34

actually when our 4 year olds at nursery had parties at soft play centres, pretty much all the parents dropped off and left.
I was always surprised when any parent stayed at any child's party I did (didn't mind, was surprised)

I do know though that at soft play parties, parents often bring siblings, they pay for them themselves, drop dd off at party room and then find seat outside party room for themselves and other dcs. they then buy and feed their dcs themselves. No problem to anyone, and everyone happy.

and if I had to pay for your dts, then I would mind. Money is tight and i would have calculated based on my dcs friends and would mind about having to pay for 2 more.

MrsWolowitz Wed 14-Nov-12 12:47:41

There is a separate cafe area so DTs can have lunch in there.

No I wouldn't be happy leaving DD at the party. There will be loads if kids and the play area leads onto a really busy road.

StellaNova Wed 14-Nov-12 12:47:49

As Groovee said I think it is fine to take the twins as if you were going to the soft play anyway - ie don't take them into the party room, get their own food etc. If you ask if that is OK (and why shouldn't it be) then the party host may say "oh that's OK, bring them in the room" - or they may not. - there might be a limit imposed by the centre on how many can be at the tea.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Wed 14-Nov-12 12:48:22

You dont actually have to ask - it is a public place, it is soft play! Lots of other people and children will be there, she cannot ask you NOT TO COME!

But I dont think you need to do party bags to your DTs, that is actually making a point to hostess. Just let them choose a lollipop or something from the venue before leaving.

MrsMarigold Wed 14-Nov-12 12:48:50

Gosh I'm shocked ay this I wouldn't dream of excluding siblings from a party - the more the merrier in my opinion even if you have to pay. My brother and I always went to parties together and there are three years between us.

MrsMarigold Wed 14-Nov-12 12:52:55

and do you lot provide tea, coffee, cake, scones, sarnies for the adults too - I certainly would but maybe that's because my parents did. They are very little to be left at a party.

vodkaanddietirnbru Wed 14-Nov-12 12:54:10

I have taken the other sibling to soft play parties before but have paid them into the venue and bought their own food, etc and they didnt join in any of the party stuff.

I have always checked since my younger DDs were old enough to participate. At regular parties no-one has every minded, and quite often the smaller ones have been given meals and party bags too, which was most unexpected.

I did once have a soft play issue like yours, although it was actually DD2's friend's party and I was stuck with DD1. DD2 also wouldn't have been able to go if I didn't bring DD1. I paid for her to go in and asked another parent to watch DD2 while they were eating in the party room so that DD1 could have a snack. The parent hosting the party had no problem, as it hadn't actually cost her anything or impacted on her in anyway.

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