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to tell DD she wears the coat she chose or she buys her own?

(207 Posts)
VicarInaTutu Sun 11-Nov-12 13:32:54

DD is 15 and in the throes of teenagedom.....she is normally very placid and well behaved, not normally a prima donna.

however.....

She chose a coat on ebay, not expensive, only about £20, from China. We duly ordered it, paid for it, and yesterday it arrived. It is identical to the ebay picture. its lovely. She was not restricted to a budget, and she chose this coat out of every other on the internet.

She has seen it, thrown a hissy fit, says she hates it, wont wear it.
DH was the only one in when it arrived as i was at work, and he did not argue with her, but simply told her that if she wanted another one, she would have to pay for it out of her pocket money (she gets £35 per month cash and we pay for her mobile phone on top of that)

Today she has told me she "needs a coat"

WIBU to tell she has a coat, which she chose, and we paid for, and its up to her if she does not wear it and stick to what DH has said and tell her if she wants another she must pay for it herself?

She is upstairs crying at the moment saying its winter and she needs a coat and what is she meant to do in the snow etc etc etc

Now i know the Ebay coat was not expensive, but to send it back to china will cost as much as buying the flaming coat.....

its too small for me or i would keep it and wear it. i like it. sadly a chinese "large" is a size 8 - 10....which i am not!

help me decide MN jury....(i feel a bit of a meanie.)

MacAndCheese Sun 11-Nov-12 13:34:28

YANBU.

Arthurfowlersallotment Sun 11-Nov-12 13:35:25

Tell her to buy her own coat and put that one back on eBay.

DorsetKnob Sun 11-Nov-12 13:35:33

Absolutely with your DH on this one.

VacantExpression Sun 11-Nov-12 13:35:50

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, it is a lesson learnt albeit a tough one. Couldn't a compromise be reached- an advance on any Christmas money she might be getting or something like that?

sausagesandwich34 Sun 11-Nov-12 13:36:15

YANBU and she is behaving like a spoilt brat (sorry)

has she told you why she doesn't want it -does it fit her?

Tabliope Sun 11-Nov-12 13:37:26

Resell it on ebay to see what you can get for it. Then put that towards another one but she gets a pound less allowance a week for x amount of weeks. I'm soft though.

FlipFlippingFlippers Sun 11-Nov-12 13:38:21

Yanbu.

She should use her own money or put the other coat on eBay and use the money from that.

mrskeithrichards Sun 11-Nov-12 13:39:01

Yanbu

MrsTomHardy Sun 11-Nov-12 13:39:45

Resell it on ebay

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sun 11-Nov-12 13:39:57

why doesn't she like it??

Make her sell it and use the money to buy a new one.

She's being a brat and you're not unreasonable.

whatsforyou Sun 11-Nov-12 13:40:09

You are not BU at all. You are right, she is being a hormonal teenager. I vaguely remember how unreasonable the whole world seemed when I was that age. She is 15 it is her job to strop and complain and make you feel guilty. You are her mum, it is your job to stick to what you know is right and not let her behave however she wants. It is also your job to feel really guilty about this and feel like the world's meanest mum but you know you're not. wink

Has she said why she has gone off the coat?

Sallyingforth Sun 11-Nov-12 13:41:50

Being young is about learning.
She is just about to learn one more lesson, and it's a very good one to know.
If you give way on this you will be letting her down, and letting DH down too.

cuppateaandagingersnap Sun 11-Nov-12 13:42:34

YANBU, but I suppose you could tell her she can instead pay for the coat to be returned, it is disappointing when you order something online and it doesn't suit, I wouldn't keep or wear something I didn't like but obviously would send it back/resell it on eBay - good lesson for her about where she's ordering things from online and how to arrange to send back/ask for refund or sell on in order to get new coat and not assume that her parents will absorb the hassle or cost.

PropositionJoe Sun 11-Nov-12 13:42:36

YANBU. Stick to your guns. She'll calm down soon enough. Even be sympathetic - but if she wants another, she has to pay.

DontmindifIdo Sun 11-Nov-12 13:42:57

YANBU - why doesn't she like it? Is it warm enough and fit properly? Assuming so, then she has a coat, if she choses not to wear it then she'll get cold.

I would compromise of getting her a new coat at Christmas (from a shop not on line so she tries it on before you pay), but that's her gift.

DontmindifIdo Sun 11-Nov-12 13:44:15

oh and I wouldn't tell her about getting a new one at Christmas just yet.

ilovesooty Sun 11-Nov-12 13:44:54

She's being a brat. Stick to your guns. I'm with your husband on this.

StuntGirl Sun 11-Nov-12 13:48:12

Does she have an actual reason for not liking it?

YANBU and your husband was being very sensible. Stick to your guns and don't undermine him.

MummysHappyPills Sun 11-Nov-12 13:48:21

I am obviously in the minority, but I have bought things online before that I have changed my mind about when I have seen them in the flesh. If she is not normally a prima Donna, can you not ask her to arrange getting it resold or sent back and then you will chip in for another one seeing as there was never a budget?

I feel a bit sorry for her as it is very disappointing when something you were looking forward to getting turns out to be not quite as nice as you'd hoped it would be.

I did this recently with a pram. Really didn't like it when it was delivered. Decided the cost of sending it back was worth not spending a lot of money on something I didn't like.

It may only be £20 to you, but to your dd it was her only chance to get a coat she liked.

lovebunny Sun 11-Nov-12 13:48:46

presumably she had a coat to wear through the winter, last year? what happened to that? it could act as a standby for emergencies.

i wouldn't pander to her tantrums. tell her she can choose to have a coat as her christmas present, by all means, but don't rush into compensating her for not liking something she has asked for.

mum2threesons Sun 11-Nov-12 13:48:54

I agree, let her buy one out of her pocket money and maybe sell the other one on Ebay.
Has she told you why she doesn't like it?

marriedinwhite Sun 11-Nov-12 13:49:37

I wouldn't buy something on-line or from a catalogue if I couldn't easily return it. Often items are not what you expected them to be. Also, what would you have done if it hadn't fit her?

I think you are both being a bit unreasonable about this and both need to reflect a bit. I wouldn't have a bought a non returnable coat from Ebay.

As others have suggested I would resell it but I would also buy your dd another coat - one you both see before you buy.

VicarInaTutu Sun 11-Nov-12 13:49:49

well up until now she wouldnt even try it on in front of us....

to be fair, now ive seen it on, after much cajoling and coaxing, it is a little big - but its a big parka type thing. The one she now wants is £40 from H&M and i cant see the difference! (she obviously can)

we never normally clash like this confused but its really pissed both me and DH off that she has done this.....she was adamant that this was the coat she wanted.

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