To tell dd this is out of order!

(79 Posts)
mosschops30 Fri 09-Nov-12 18:23:29

Dd (16) announces tonight that she is going to town with - lets call him shaun.
So i say isnt shaun 'katies' boyfriend?
Yes but hes my friend too says dd

Me and dh say its not appropriate to go to the cinema with your friends boyf when she doesnt know
Dd says things have 'changed since your day' hmm

so ive told her she needs to message him and say 'sorry cant do this weekend shaun, but woud love to see you and katie soon'

Shes in a strop now.

So AIBU

StuntGirl Fri 09-Nov-12 20:50:09

Mossy, my boyfriend hangs out with my friends all the time. Last week I found out, after the fact, he'd spent Saturday with one of them while I was at work. My friend is male, but if I were questioning whether my boyfriend could hang out with my friends based on their gender, I'd have to have a serious word with myself.

I do however think that if your suspicions are that they are seeing each other behind the friends back, rather than just being friends hanging out, then you have every right to be concerned about your daughter's behaviour.

CarolynKnappShappey Fri 09-Nov-12 20:57:41

I'd advise her that if she doesn't tell the female friend their plans she may be heading towards a messy situation, so she should have a bit of a think, and that it is then her decision. Unless Katy is a knife wielding gang member, in which case I'd put my POV a bit more strongly.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 09-Nov-12 20:59:42

What a palava about nothing.

Gawd forbid your daughter is going to the cinema with a male as a friend. Is it so hard to believe that your daughter can be friends with a male? Ive been best friends with a guy, been close friends with his gf and managed to not strip off and shag him. hmm

That aside, if they were did fancy one another and were growing closer, and this was their route then leave them to it! Be a mum and there to pick up the pieces, hopefully she'd only do it once, but you giving her ear ache wont stop her.

But dont doubt her in the first place, you have to at least give her the benefit of the doubt!

And if you never thought she'd do the naughties, and you always trusted her and just thought it was 'not the right thing' then butt out. What on earth are you on about? hmm

BeauNeidel Fri 09-Nov-12 21:04:43

YANBU.

A sixteen year old, who let's face it, might change boyfriends like underpants but might also have a very fragile ego, I think it is important to still be teaching them that it's not nice to go behind someone's back. It may be totally platonic - but they are keeping it a secret which suggests not.

If they have been friends since childhood it's different; your post suggests not. As a teenager, I would have been really hurt and upset had I found out that my boyfriend gone out with one of my friends. Now, no I wouldn't be, but I'm an adult now with a fully developed sense of self and would be totally confident in my relationship.

Teenagers still test boundaries like smaller children do, and this is a good example. I would have made my opinions known but probably wouldn't have told her to text him.

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