To ask you to tell me that immaculate conception isn't possible? (TMI, embarrassing and GRIM)

[MissPants]

OK, so maybe not immaculate. In fact if conception occurred it was v v messy indeed.

Background. DH and I have 5 DC, 12, 9, 7, 2 and 6mo. Youngest was induced 6 weeks early due to liver difficulties that have escalated for my last 3 pg. He had an awful time and was in HDU with breathing difficulties, jaundice, excessive weight loss. He is on the up now but watching him go through that reaffirmed my decision not to have more DC (as if we weren't sure anyway!) so as not to put another baby through such an iffy start.

So DH went for the snip, we are a week away from first semen test and have been super super careful using condoms. So far so responsible.

About 11 days ago we decided to venture into "back door territory" and the plan was for him to whip it out before the big moment and finish elsewhere. Well it was an enlightening experience, culminating in DH removing the tool a fraction too late followed by a series of loud comical farts that left us collapsed in fits of giggles. The more I giggled the more farts came out, which prolonged the giggling. There was mess. Lots of it, but I wasn't worried as it was all over the border from fanjoland so to speak... washed up and went to bed having disposed of my last remaining shred of dignity and both of us resolving to leave the potting of the brown forever in the realms of the unspoken.

But now I'm late. Due on the 7th and no signs so far. Early days I know, but it's been like clockwork since DS2 arrived. It can't be though can it? Aside from the obvious misplacement of the necessary materials, surely even if sperm are still present it should be a low enough count to make it unlikely this long after the snip?

I KNOW I KNOW you have to wait for 2 tests to be clear before resuming unprotected intercourse but it just seems.so unlikely that IF there are still some there they have managed to find their way from my arse/back to my cervix?? Are their homing beacons that good?? Did my farts propel them over the border?

Oh god I am frantic...

So AIBU to ask you to tell me I'm being a stupid arse and it's not possible? It's twofold unlikely right? Sorry if I've ruined anyone's breakfast!

[MissPants]

Is it too early to poas? Missed period but still only 11 days?

[Abra1d]

You mean a virgin birth. Immaculate conception means something else. :)

[MrsBucketxx]

you can poas from the first day of your period first responce detects a bit earlier.

it could happen but its unlikely.

go poas,

[RustyBear]

Did you read Absy's posts on Hully's Joke-free-zone thread, about the destination of her farts? May have some relevance....

[MissPants]

MIL had taken 2yo for a week and baby was having a good sleep day, hence the opportunistic adventurous spirit! Absolutely not like this all of the time

Twas the farts wot done it wasn't it? Oh good grief.

[MissPants]

Can't find it Rusty, do you have a link?

[MrsBucketxx]

pregnant from a fart

[cluelessnchaos]

Until you get the all clear from the snipsters you have to think of him as completely fertile, dh never got the all clear and has just had to have it done again and he's not that unusual. I know of at least three other men in the same position. No idea about the bum sex. Poas hth

[HeadfirstForHalos]

Well if you are this will be an interesting tale to tell them on their 21st/wedding day

[EdgarAllansPo]

'due on the 7th'
If you mean 7th October, take a pregnancy test or to your doctor, or both. If you're meaning November, you still have a couple of days yet.

There have been pregnancies under similar circumstances. I does seem unlikely, but hm...did your DH get his tubes just tied or really snipped?

Just imagining the little swimmers hiding in your DH for days and then ...mission impossible.

[Iggly]

I have nothing useful to add except for PMSL

[HeadfirstForHalos]

On a serious note, if the mess left the back door and coated the front, then some may have slipped through the letterbox. It is possible, though not probable.

[RustyBear]

This is the thread. Absy's post at 19.33.22 on Tues 6th Nov and a few subsequent ones...

[EdgarAllansPo]

Sorry, my screen/bad eyesight is telling me tis
5th Nov!
Tale a test.
If you are pregnant, tell DH to go and donate sperm before he gets redone. There are families who need swimmers like that!

[mrskeithrichards]

Oh dear, I'm not laughing honest I'm not.

[RustyBear]

You could ask Absy about the mechanics of it- I'm sure she wouldn't mind....

[spottyock]

Oh no! If you're late then a BFP will more than likely show. It's incredibly unlikely but you never know.

[MissPants]

at letterbox Headfirst.

Got it thanks Rusty, I think that does incriminate the farts somewhat yes...

I'm going to have to test today. And next week just to be sure. Oh poo.

[Northernlurker]

If you're late you should poas. Tbh I think it's far more likely you've made an error with your condom use. But thanks for the mental picture anyway.

[MissPants]

I'm as sure as I can be we haven't had a mishap with the condoms. We do before and after inspections and all has seemed in order. To the naked eye anyway, I suppose there is scope for invisible escapes

[Lesbeadiva]

Poas! Laughing at pregnant from a fast

[UltraBOF]

The Immaculate Conception means being born free from the stain of Original Sin. Not immune to any skid marks along the way to a Virgin Birth. There's a doctrinal difference.