Well AIBU

(454 Posts)
KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 19:15:05

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ‘of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ‘atti­tude’

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ‘a work place­ment’ and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you’ve been put on a work place­ment ‘as a pun­ish­ment’

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ‘being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who’s best advice on how to find a job was ‘look on the inter­net for vacan­cies’

He also asked ‘if’ work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn’t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ‘If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I’d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme’

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.….then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.….….….….….….…

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .…..you’re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I’d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I’m torn between going ‘gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I’ll sup­port you’ and ‘Well you need to stand on your two feet

foslady Sun 11-Nov-12 21:06:53

I'm now sniggering at his blasting of mid 40's middle class wankers......

I'm mid 40's, no way could be classed as middle class and worked since I was 14, and since the age of 17 (did 1st year of a course that didn't work so took a trainee job instead) and worked constantly with the exception of taking 1 extra month off after my 6 months maternity pay ran out and didn't claim as it was only a month.

And all that money I paid/pay in tax he's happy to take in whatever benefits he can 'obtain' that My taxes and YOUR taxes pay for and call me a wanker for doing so (and I've NEVER spoke like that before)

well, I for one am glad you've shut the fuck up.......

BTW, martial arts are based on discipline and hard work. If you were so fucking good at your discipline they'd of taken you on FOC.......

midseasonsale Sun 11-Nov-12 19:13:43

and get another good reference

midseasonsale Sun 11-Nov-12 19:13:01

You must be very torn.

Even with qualifications/skills, if he helps in a charity shop he is doing something community minded, developing further his interpersonal skills, learning shop skills and humility, spending his empty days doing something meaningful and showing good timekeeping in the workplace. He might even spot some bargains!

mrskeithrichards Sun 11-Nov-12 16:32:13

Ah did he have his own thread?

<sweet>

flyoverthegoldenhill Sun 11-Nov-12 10:43:40

Alien I wouldn't have too much sympathy for the OP, her son did say she had lied about about his dad being an alcoholic. I guess his thread got deleted because he is a twat grin

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Sun 11-Nov-12 09:43:24

Kelperose This must be really hard for you.

When I was a full-time professional lay about, my poor Mum tried everything to help me.

I told her what she wanted to hear though, so she was always on my side.

Know you don't think this of your son!

Truth is, you can't really help him, if I was you, I would say 'you can stay here, I will feed you, you can use the washer etc, but will give you NO money to spend, as I can't afford to keep you.'

Couple of months of this, he will get a job, or never go out again!

Good luck, you do have my sympathy, but tough love all the way.

Cortana Sat 10-Nov-12 20:00:16

Entitled little fuckstick.

I started work at a god damn strawberry farm, for far less than minimum wage with a load of people who didn't speak English (can now work out the attitude of some people "not wanting that job). I used this money to fund my college and pay my parents something towards my keep (they didn't ask for it but hell, a sense of pride and work ethic was there).

I have blasted my arse off, cleaning toilets, waiting tables, selling shit door to door on commission. Working and studying while I raise my DC. I'm intelligent and educated. At the grand old age of 28 I have got my "dream job". It's taken 12 years worth of good references, experience and volunteer work to make me stand out from the crowd to achieve this.

I've moved with my family 200 miles for this. Fuck you and your 90 minutes on a bus.

Either accept some manual work, or accept you're a loser. Some people here would do anything for a job offer, and you turn them down as they're not in your chosen field? Also bollocks to the "3 fields maximum", you pick three for them to focus you on. You can apply for anything, before I secured my current job I was going for anything, retail, bar work, cleaning, office, manual. If you can't understand the terms of your JSA I doubt you're that intelligent anyway.

JSA is lifeline, for people who genuinely cannot get work, of which there are many. You are not one of them.

myfirstkitchen Sat 10-Nov-12 19:29:30

good. why should you get JSA when you're living at home anyway? 'workies' HAHAA yes, people in a job, probably not living with mummy.

soverylucky Sat 10-Nov-12 16:28:39

My dear brother worked for months in a charity shop for nothing when he couldn't get work and didn't need to be told by the job centre to do this. He did it off his own back as he knew it would look better on his cv then doing nothing for months. He was cleaning stock with the steam machine thing, seving customers,pricing stock, shelf stacking, rearranging the shelves when it was needed and helping to collect large items for sale. He learnt loads. He learnt people skills, time management, cashing up and most importantly working hard and having a sense of achievement at the end of it. He has now got a full time paid job doing what he wanted to do. I am proud of him.

Oh no. Did I miss it? What did he say? Come back Golden. We liked talking to you.

ilovesooty Sat 10-Nov-12 16:14:17

He comes over as pretty disrespectful of women as well. Judging by other threads posted by the OP that extends to his own mother.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 10-Nov-12 16:11:32

You forgot to mention insulting all SAHMs and childcare professionals in one fell swoop.

ilovesooty Sat 10-Nov-12 15:56:57

Poor little sausage will probably think it was deleted because MNHQ are all nasty Nazis (like all who've challenged him here)

cory Sat 10-Nov-12 15:55:18

<goes off in a huff with MNHQ>

Kalisi Sat 10-Nov-12 15:53:47

Yeah it was a thread about about a thread. It's a shame we were having so much fun on it! grin

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Sat 10-Nov-12 15:50:39

What did HQ say about it, does anyone know?

ilovesooty Sat 10-Nov-12 15:34:24

Oh yes, two.

And someone was going to offer to look at his CV but decided not to because of his posts here.

I suppose MNHQ pulled his whiney thread for being a thread about a thread.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Sat 10-Nov-12 15:27:53

Two job offers. MrsKeithRichards very kindly offered to ask her DH to take him on but he's too good for building work and was quite insulting about manual labourers.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Sat 10-Nov-12 15:27:42

Bollocks, I always miss the good bit!

cory Sat 10-Nov-12 15:25:10

What caused the other thread to be pulled? I missed its demise.

ilovesooty Sat 10-Nov-12 15:20:19

So he's talked himself out of a job offer. I wouldn't be surprised if that attitude presents a lot of barriers for him. I wouldn't accept him as a volunteer for my company. His values (demonsrated on here and referred to by his mother on other threads) simply wouldn't be acceptable to us.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 10-Nov-12 15:15:05

Op, after seeing your location I was going to pm you as my brother is near you and currently looking for 5 pt staff for above nmw.

After your son came on to enlighten us all with his wisdom I don't think he would last 5 seconds or be able to present himself well, I would be to embarrassed to risk asking him to employ yur ds.

cory Sat 10-Nov-12 15:04:47

What piprabbit said:

"The OP's DS obviously hasn't twigged that the part time jobs he is looking for are also the ones which many parents want when they return to the workplace, so they can fit in with their childcare responsibilities.

He isn't competing with ill-educated teenagers for work, he is competing with highly-educated, competent adults with many years of work experience and who are so desperate for a job which fits with their family that they will jump through hoops and bend of backwards to keep their potential employer happy."

He may also be competing with highly-educated, competent adults who have been laid off after 30 years of non-stop employment. Our local council is closing down whole departments at the same time as a large production plant is also shutting down. That is also the kind of thing you have to take into account. These people are also out there looking for jobs.

You won't be able to compete on the grounds of education, experience or maturity, goldeneye, so how are you going to convince a future employer that you have something to offer that outweighs those other candidates?

Well, attitude would be a good place to start. Many employers are looking for hard-working, teachable, willing employees. That is how you need to sell yourself. "I know I haven't got much experience but I am very keen and willing to work hard".

The "I have been to college so I am really too good for you" isn't going to endear you to employers who will be interviewing graduates; your college degree may seem very precious to you, but the truth is that a great many people are better educated these days.

Fenton Sat 10-Nov-12 14:11:27

grin

EnjoyVampirebloodResponsibly Sat 10-Nov-12 14:09:38

What a cock.

If you were that bright you'd be able to write with paragraphs.

And BTW DS age 5 can tell the difference between Chip and Dale.

Good luck in your role as a carer/ninja.

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