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Well AIBU

(454 Posts)
KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 19:15:05

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ‘of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ‘atti­tude’

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ‘a work place­ment’ and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you’ve been put on a work place­ment ‘as a pun­ish­ment’

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ‘being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who’s best advice on how to find a job was ‘look on the inter­net for vacan­cies’

He also asked ‘if’ work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn’t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ‘If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I’d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme’

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.….then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.….….….….….….…

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .…..you’re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I’d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I’m torn between going ‘gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I’ll sup­port you’ and ‘Well you need to stand on your two feet

Tweasels Thu 08-Nov-12 20:15:42

Rather than focussing on his treatment by the jobcentre, which doesn't surprise me. They can be officious. Like all organisations some great staff, some truly terrible ones.

Why not throw all your time and energy into helping him find work. There are many jobs out there if he's willing.

Fairenuff Thu 08-Nov-12 20:17:49

He, rightly or wrongly walked out

What do you mean 'rightly or wrongly'? It was clearly wrongly. Does he get this attitude from you?

Himalaya Thu 08-Nov-12 20:19:54

What Twesels said.

Kepler - what did he study at College? What does he want to do?

There is some interesting stuff online about starting wages depending on education level. University/College grads only earn more than people with no qualifications at all. Everyone else, school leavers, trades etc. earn more than them. Partially as they will have more experience (because of less time in education) and partially because employers want practical skills/enthusiasm/hard work from their young workers rather than paper qualifications. As you get older a degree will mean higher wages but at the beginning you should expect to earn less.

karron Thu 08-Nov-12 20:22:07

Friend did unpaid work placement under labours back to work type scheme (can't remember proper name) at a charity after completing their degree. Then got job there on bottom rung but quickly worked their way up to management level and is now earning 40k+. So he's being unreasonable particularly with his too good for it attitude.

1sassylassy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:24:25

OP,can your ds register with some recruitment agencies,my ds did this doing temporary work,one full day paid more than the dole did in a week,the company he temped for eventually took him on and trained him up.Hew would have to be flexible and prepared to work at short notice ,hope he finds work soon.

StrawberryMojito Thu 08-Nov-12 20:25:30

He is learning a life lesson that maybe you should have taught him...sometimes if you want to get on or get by you just have to say how high when told to jump.

When he walked out of that work placement, you should have sent him straight back there with his tail between his legs not argued his case to an MP. Who cares why he was given the work placement, he should have made the best of it. I don't blame them for sanctioning him in that instance.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 20:25:49

I don't believe him sorry

Sanctioned for being 3 minutes late?

Nope, not buying it.

procrastinor Thu 08-Nov-12 20:26:41

Sorry but he really isn't helping himself. He needs to suck it up and realise that if he expects money (from either the JSA or a job) then sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and get your head down.

If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I’d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fications already sounds so entitled. It really screams that he thinks that he's better than other people. If that was the only job going, paying £56 per week, it implies that he would turn it down as its beneath him. so yeah, I can see how they would think he doesn't actually want a job.

He does realise that we are in a recession (practically speaking)?!

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 20:26:43

hahaha there are many jobs out there there many jobs out there for a 19 year old .................turns that whould be be no

Viviennemary Thu 08-Nov-12 20:27:38

You won't beat these people at the job centres. They have their rules and stick by them. If he wants his unemployment benefit then he will have to play by their rules. Unless Alistair Darling can persuade them otherwise. But I think he does have to learn that life isn't always fair and the best way to deal with this isn't to go off in a strop.

He should have done his charity shop work with a good grace. There is no shame in helping a charity.

procrastinor Thu 08-Nov-12 20:28:53

kelper that's the point surely. There are hardly any jobs for anyone so as a 19 yr old he needs to do what is necessary to either improve his skills (as it obviously isn't enough to get him a job) or realise that JSA is not dished out willy nilly.

MoomieAndFreddie Thu 08-Nov-12 20:28:55

IME The jobcentre are mainly staffed by real twats though. (No offence to anyone on here who works there but IME most of them are, sorry)

So I can't blame your son for being pissed off with them and not wanting to dance to their silly tunes. hmm work "experience" my arse - slave labour more like.

However, he should definitely be job hunting and i don't think you should subsidize him whatsoever, tbh my own parents did that for me when i was an arrogant, entitled 19 year old thinking i was too good for work blush and it didn't get me very far.

Sirzy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:29:27

So what is he doing with his time now? Is he working his hardest to find employment and doing voluntary work to gain experience or is he sitting on his backside?

That would make a big difference to how much help I would give.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 20:31:00

And when he appealed the sanction and told them there was an accident on the main road Princes Street Edinburgh, that caused him to be 3 minutes late I'm sure they would have accepted that.

Are you sure he didn't use it as an excuse and dawdle off somewhere else?

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 20:31:27

I've seen they letter for him being sanctioned for being 3 mins late , and yes sadly that it true , however do you not think I was the first person to tell if to get his act together

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 20:32:56

Then if they're admitting that sanction and the appeal has failed, why not go to the local paper?

Sirzy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:33:41

Was it the first time he had been late?

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 20:36:48

NO Worraliberty they did not except that ..........and he did not dwadle off somewhere else .....

People like you are the exact reason our sons and daughters age 19 get met with no-one believing them

If you want proof of my sons delay then just look up The Edinburgh Evening News and the story of the crash is well covered

dysfunctionalme Thu 08-Nov-12 20:36:58

I think he needs to get places on time (aim for early) and keep his mouth shut. He can voice opinions when he gets home but his priority needs to be to suck it up when looking for work and working.

justmyview Thu 08-Nov-12 20:37:00

Like you, I live in Edinburgh. When I was made redundant I signed on and did everything I was asked to do by Job Centre. I found them helpful, sympathetic and supportive every step of the way, perhaps because I co-operated fully.

Your son sounds entitled to me. If I'd been asked to work in a charity shop, I would have done it gladly

OpheliaPayneAgain Thu 08-Nov-12 20:37:13

All the things he's been sent o are valid: all work placements have value, it might not seem it but they do enhance CVs - timekeeping (you son needs a little bit of that) team work ( he needs to improve that), a can-do attitude (Enough said there) and perhaps using his initiative, devising better working processes.

A 19yo boy? I think you'll find he's a man albeit one with a massive attitude problem with authority.

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 20:42:10

he was told he was being put on a work placement as 'a punishment'

EverybodysSpookyEyed Thu 08-Nov-12 20:42:33

‘If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I’d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme’

Qualifications are worthless if you have zero work experience. What most employers these days are looking for is someone who wants to work - the charity shop job is a signal to employers that he is willing to roll his sleeves up and get on with it

And does he really think there is nothing to learn working in a shop?

Sirzy Thu 08-Nov-12 20:42:59

I will ask again, what is he doing with his time now?

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