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PIL going OTT on decorating own room for GC'S(148 Posts)
I have two DC (6 and 1) we live in same town as MIL and they see GC'S once a week either we go to them, they come to us, we all go out.. DS has a sleepover every couple of months and DD not yet though keep asking.
They are their first GC'S, have always been full on with them and would spend every day with them if they could, they buy them a new present every week ( which DP has said to stop but have ignored "it's only something small!") I get on ok with them, have never had crossed words but things have cooled since DC as I just find them so overbearing.
So to my subject..
PIL have just downsized and have just newly decorated one of the rooms for the GC'S to include, new kids bed, kids curtains, lampshade, height chart, framed children's art, train set, baby toys displayed in keeping with theme (they each have a stack of everyday toys in another room that they normally play with)have bought identical comforters and nightlights that they have at home and new set of chest of drawers which when my son opened the other week was filled with brand new clothes for each GC'S tops, trousers, sock, pants etc.
I know they are probably only trying to make them feel comfortablebthere but Is it just me to finds this a bit OTT and to be honest a bit weird like they are trying to re-live parenting? Especially as they only stay over very occasionally. I would never say anything as not my house but find it quite uncomfortable when I go there - even pictures on the walls/mantelpiece are just of GC'S - all other family members have been bumped off to a room that's hardly used!
My DS loves staying at his GPs house. He thinks its the bees knees. I love having him at home but think its nice that they have their own relationship too. We don't have a set routine but he stays approximately once every six weeks-ish.
When DD is old enough she will stay too. Well she is old enough but a bit too young for my mum to have now there are two of them to look after.
Think of it another way. If something happens meaning you have to rush off to hospital for whatever reason you can drop them off without having to worry about packing overnight bags and stuff
They have comfort blankets for the kids? The absolute bastards
Both sets of our dcs GPS rarely spend any time with them despite both sets living less than ten minutes drive away. I would love it if either set did this for my dc!!
I too think its a lovely idea. At least you don't have to pack loads of stuff when you go. My mum had a bedroom that was for my ds and my niece, it wasn't decorated out like this one sounds but it had toys and things in it, and she always kept spare clothes there, seemed sensible to me as both kids were muck-magnets, and ds in particular couldn't ignore a puddle!
How would you feel if it was your mum not your mil who was doing all this? If that would creep you out too then fair enough but if it's something you would actually find quite lovely coming from your mum then you probably need to cut your mil some slack..
I often find things my mil does with the dc really annoying but when I stop and think about it realise that actually my mum does similar and it doesn't annoy me half as much..
Having the dc seemed to set my sensitivity meter really high when it came to in-laws, no idea why as they are generally lovely but I often find I have to remind myself to chill out and not be so sensitive/negative about things!
It's lovely, really appreciate that they love your kids very much. It's sad to read threads on here on grandparents who would not careless about their grandchild.
I know lots of people at saying its sweet but I understand your disquiet.
This is their only spare room - would be more sensible to have it as something that could get more use. Creates an obligation on you that dc will stay over.
They live in same town so rare that sleep over will be required.
They've gone to town - does smack of reliving parenting.
FWIW my MIL has a room for ds and their house is totally kitted out with more toys than mothercare! But they live far away so it makes overnight stays easier.
I'd be asking if the clothes could come home where they'd get some use!!
The clothes are a bit intense, I can see how it would get on your nerves slightly, just use it to your advantage. Try to rise above it...at least you'll never need £40 for a sitter.
How lucky your DCs are to have such loving, caring, involved grandparents. I have no idea why you are even questioning this.
It sounds massively ott to me. It's symptomatic of something else IMO. I would be uncomfortable.
It sounds like the gps are trying to be parents again. And this usually happens when gps don't have interests or a life of their own.
Do they, op? Are they active and involved in their own hobbies/friends/activities? Or are they just focussed on gcs?
I'd be interested to hear in a year's time if they actually do respect the op's parenting preferences since they are already ignoring the request to stop the weekly gift.
I only ask because my pil are exactly like this. When their older gcs started to want to be more with their friends, had other commitments, my pil actually got very angry and then depressed because they had not developed any other areas of their lives beyond their intense focus on their gcs.
Why does love for gcs have to be so ott? My parents love their gcs but don't feel the need to do all this ott stuff. They are very welcoming and hospitable to them. Just because they haven't dedicated rooms
their lives to them, does not mean they love them any less.
My dm has everything at her house, pj's, clothes, she used to have formula and a sterilizer, blankets, comforters like the ones at home...
It's great. I drop them off and they have everything they need. If dd1 says she wants to sleepover (about once a week) everything is there. They are very close to their gp's and, as far as I am concerned, can only benefit from having lots of people around them that love them unconditionally.
I only have a FIL and he is in his 80's but if I had in laws who also did this I would be happy. The dc are part of their son! I find the gp's who are happy to see dgc's twice a year far more odd.
No one ever seems to complain about their own parents being too intense, it's always in laws. Often the maternal gp's seem to judge it just right...
Sounds lovely, count your lucky stars your children have such caring grandparents sort out some nights out and let them stay !
My mum has a comforter for DS at hers. So we don't need to remember as sometimes he stays spontaneously or we used to forget.
It's odd....as TeWi said it's "Custody style access" BUT...they love them and the DC reciprocate. So II would bite my lip really.
So what if they are reliving the magic a bit by doing this? What's the harm?
My goodness so the gs have some kind od issues because they gp have the same items that te kids have at home. It's up to THEM how tey dcrate ther room, Mabey tey want te grandchildren to feel at home by having familiar thins. Yes Mabey they do miss their child rearing days so what! They clearly love and adore their grandkids and live for them. Yes when te are older Mabey they will want to stay at grannies/gramdsds often.
I was with the aww it's lovely camp, until you mentioned about the clothes. That I find odd, not sure why, but it creeps me out. A lot.
My goodness wen your grandparents your damed f you do damed if you don't you can't win.
my mum has done this.
DD has more clothes at her Grans than at home!
I think it's lovely. Lovely that DD is loved so much and that her Gran is so happy to have her, look after her and treat her.
Why wouldn't you be happy that your children are surrounded by so much love?
Sounds OTT to me, its the clothes more than anything. My PILs have had all the GC to stay both with and without us so I have no problems, actually I love it, when they stay over.
They have toys, higchair, cutlery etc there which is really handy but I would find a room completely decked out for the kids a bit weird so I can see where you are coming from. I would probably let it go though. Actually a lot of the toys are DH old ones and it is lovely that the GC are now playing with them.
Felicity what the hell is wrong with the grandparents buying their grandkids brand new cloths fr goodness sakes. They adore their grandkids and want to send money in them so Whaaat. So they suddenly have mental health issues
and there is nothing nicer than buying kiddies clothes.
So what if PIL are buying clothes?
Everytime my mum goes out to buy milk she comes back with something for DD. It's her money and if she choses to spend it on her grandchild, so what!!!
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