To spend all this money on myself rather than my family

(23 Posts)
kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 14:58:59

Heard this on the Archers today and thought it raised some interesting points.

Emma and Ed have a young family. They are both struggling financially as the farming business has been hit and Emma can't get more hours at work. They are struggling to pay bills and to buy essentials such as clothes for the children. Emma has not done anything for herself for ages.

Emma then receives a wedding invite. Her parents hear she can't afford to go so they give her £150 to buy a dress, train tickets and a present. They insist she is to spend it on herself as she deserves it.

WWYD? Spend the money on you or use it to help support your family?

There is a lot more back story to this which I'm sure will come out.

Mrsjay Thu 18-Oct-12 15:01:08

OO the archers sounds tense grin If my parents gave me money to attend a wedding I would go to the wedding I don't think i would spend it on the children unless they were starving.

ENormaSnob Thu 18-Oct-12 15:01:41

I wouldn't take the money tbh.

It would feel disgusting to blow 150quid on someones wedding if I couldn't even clothe my own kids.

HazleNutt Thu 18-Oct-12 15:02:17

Parents gave her the money specifically for the wedding. She should go.

WinklyFriedChicken Thu 18-Oct-12 15:02:35

If the money was given for that purpose it should be used for that purpose.

I'd pay bills with it, I couldn't go to the wedding knowing the children needed clothes and the bills would still be there.

I would accept the money off my Parents as long as they knew where it would be going, hopefully the offer would still stand.

GreenShadow Thu 18-Oct-12 15:03:11

I think she should accept the money.
If it was me, I would spend the minimum on a dress and be 'sensible' when buying present, so that there might be a little left afterwards.

But I do also think they need to be more open about their situation to George's father.

DontmindifIdo Thu 18-Oct-12 15:06:08

If you were given money to do a specific thing with it, then I don't think you have a right to spend it on whatever you want, so she would need to check that htey were happy for her not to go but to keep the money they have given her to go anyway.

In that case, I would spend the money on bills/take the edge off that month's stress.

mamamibbo Thu 18-Oct-12 15:08:10

i wouldnt go to the wedding, i wouldnt be able to waste that amount of money if my family needed it. i'd tell my parents that tho

kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 15:08:26

It's the price of milk - Ed's getting a lower price. Plus vet bills. Of course, George's father could be more careful with what he gives Emma.

It's such a lot of money for a day - but it would make her feel happy for a bit. But then the bills and the money worries are there when you get back.

kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 15:09:05

Not gives Emma - gives George. Like a pet which needs looking after.

ENormaSnob Thu 18-Oct-12 15:37:12

If this was the other way around, the husband was frittering a large amount of cash on a party when the family are up financial shit creek, there would be cries of leave the selfish fucker.

kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 15:39:35

It will be interesting to see how this pans out.
The Archers has so many opportunities for AIBU - especially for Matt and Lillian. I think if she posted on here, she would be told to leave the bastard.

PurplePidjin Thu 18-Oct-12 15:43:52

I would skimp on myself as much as possible so there was some for kids clothes and other necessities. But then, i would see it as a gift - if my parents gave me a £150 present, i wouldn't feel i could sell it to pay bills iyswim

LFCisTarkaDahl Thu 18-Oct-12 15:49:26

You only accept the money if you spend it on the wedding.

I wouldn't accept it and I'd be having a massive word at my parents about them only giving me money for that when I had more pressing needs.

WaitingForMe Thu 18-Oct-12 16:18:00

I'd ask to use the money to help my family and if they said no I wouldn't take it.

Gifts with conditions are tough. MIL does it and it's just seen us view her as someone who isn't really on our side.

WhitesandsofLuskentyre Thu 18-Oct-12 16:27:34

I've been in this situation - twice hmm. The first time, my mates had clubbed together to buy me a present for a big birthday (but gave me cash instead, because they didn't have time to organise the thing I said I'd like sad) and secondly, I was given a small bequest in a will, with the instruction not to spend it on the rest of the family. Both times I used the money to buy food [I was struggling post-divorce], and I spent a little bit of the bequest on having my hair cut for the first time in about a year. I still have in the back of my mind that I "owe" myself both those amounts of money back, should I ever be in a position to pay myself.

NatashaBee Thu 18-Oct-12 16:29:48

If you are given money for a specific purpose, that's what you should spend it on. Mind you, if i knew someone was in that tough a financial situation, i wouldn't be silly enough to dictate that they should throw it all away on a day out and a dress, if they'd prefer to spend it on essentials.

Dillydollydaydream Thu 18-Oct-12 16:40:42

I couldn't spend 150 on a dress of my kids were going without. I'd possibly buy a cheap dress then spend the rest on the children.

lljkk Thu 18-Oct-12 16:48:05

Emma is too proud to explain to her parents how skint she is. That's part of the story, her immaturity about it.

Who cleans Lilian's home? I'm sure it's not Lilian. Must be some cleaning hours Emma could pick up somewhere to bring some more pennies in.

QueenStromba Thu 18-Oct-12 17:44:19

In here position I'd buy a cheap dress from ebay. You can get some beautiful stuff from China for peanuts - I've bought two lovely evening dresses for about £25 each. For the gift I'd make something or buy something cheap but with personal meaning and I'd get the megabus to the wedding or try to bum a lift. That should mean that about half of the money would be left to help with the bills. Really though, I'd just come clean about my financial position and ask for help.

Olbasoil Thu 18-Oct-12 17:58:57

Lets face it ,Emma will never be happy anyway ! Me, I stock the cupboards and freezer and ask Will to pay for guinea pig food and with help with clothes for George.

LadyMaryCrawley Thu 18-Oct-12 18:11:58

I'm waiting for Useless Ed to resort to poaching, getting shot and left for dead by Grumpy Gamekeeper/Bitter Brother Will, and then Brave Emma will go out looking for him and find him in a puddle of blood and pheasant feathers, being nibbled by weasels. Bitter Brother Will will have gone on the run with George and the Guinea Pig (why hasn't the guinea pig got its own show yet?).

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