To be a bit narked about this party

(150 Posts)
StrangeGlue Mon 15-Oct-12 12:17:45

oh my first AIBU....eek!

My friend and her sister are having a join 35th party. It's a train journey away (£72) and obviously I'll get her a present.

The invite has arrived and I have to take my own food and drink!

They both work and they're having the party in their well-off parents back garden (so no venue hire costs) so am I being unreasonable to think they could be supplying at least the food if not also the drink?

StrangeGlue Tue 16-Oct-12 18:06:58

I don't think I'm going to go to be honest. I was going to suck it up when I thought I was being unreasonable but now so.many of you agree with me I think I'll make my excuses.

Some of you have suggested they'll be fireworks - I'd be very very surprised if there are.

TheObfuscatoryOven Tue 16-Oct-12 18:07:33

It's not a fireworks party is it?

A charitable interpretation of the invite would be that people will bring favourite dishes to share but the hosts will top up both the food and drink.

I don't think this would bother me if it were local, but I wouldn't travel 200 miles for it!

theodorakis Tue 16-Oct-12 18:17:09

Enjoy the £70

Bunbaker Tue 16-Oct-12 18:27:50

a party in the freezing cold with very little in the way of hospitality sounds a bit miserable. When my family get together we often contribute towards the food, but the host always does the most.

It sounds like the hosts want a party with no effort at all. What if it rains? I bet they get a lot of no shows.

NoWayNoHow Tue 16-Oct-12 18:32:21

YANBU not to go, think it's ridiculous to expect people to travel, buy their own food, buy their own drink, and buy a present, just for the "privilege" of spending time with someone who sounds as selfish as all hell (in the freezing bloody cold, too).

I've had a similar experience before with some friends over Christmas. They bought all the food and drink, and when everyone got to their place, they said, "well, your share of the meal and booze comes to x, y, z".

I realised the next day why they'd asked for upfront payment - they sent us all away and held onto half a turkey, tonnes of veg, and many bottles of wine! Laughing all the way to their leftovers, they were.

Although, to be fair, they lost my patience when they served up half a yellow grapefruit as a starter. That's it. Had to ask for sugar to sprinkle.

It takes all sorts, doesn't it!

expatinscotland Tue 16-Oct-12 18:40:16

See, if I got an invite like that, demanding money out of me, I wouldn't go. And if they tried to pull it on me when I got to theirs, I'd simply walk out. I wouldn't have given them a tuppence.

mameulah Tue 16-Oct-12 20:23:14

theodorakis!!! I am soooooo impressed. You remind me of a quote I read in some magazine that went something like 'don't say yes to someone else if it means saying no to yourself.'

I don't mind, in general, being asked to take food and drink to parties or paying towards them: my dance team have an annual Team Dinner which is held in someone's house, but everyone chips in for the cost of food and drink which tends to work out at about £25 to £30 for three delicious courses cooked by mate's DP who is one of those people who just loves cooking for parties and is really good at it, plus unlimited gin, beer, wine etc.

Another lot of friends have an annual hog roast; they provide the hog and a couple of barrels of beer, everyone else is asked to bring salads, puddings, nibbles and additional drink.

pixwix Wed 17-Oct-12 00:15:10

Noooo! You will be travelled out, cold, and forking out for train fares, food and drink. Happens you can develop a case of fulminating scabies or summat?

OhTheConfusion Wed 17-Oct-12 01:23:58

YANBU to be a bit narked!

I would ask friend if she fancied meeting half way for a girly shopping day/dinner and drinks and night in a hotel... your train, half the hotel and expenses would still be less than the party!

Wingedharpy Wed 17-Oct-12 03:20:58

Take a Pot Noodle, kettle and tea-bag.
Sorted.

differentnameforthis Wed 17-Oct-12 04:17:09

Over here (Australia) it is customary to 'take a plate' (of food) to a casual (birthday/Christmas) get together/party etc. The host supplies food, but often it is an accepted gesture to take along food to help out.

In fairness, your op stating "I have to take my own food" & your latter post "bring a dish to share" are completely different, no? One implies that you are responsible for catering for yourself, the other that as a group, you will all cater for each other.

Drink is usually on a BYO basis.

differentnameforthis Wed 17-Oct-12 04:22:15

Would you expect her to foot the bill for everyone if she said it was a meal in a restaurant?

nooka Wed 17-Oct-12 04:43:55

I really like parties where everyone brings a contribution, there tends to be lots of interesting things to eat and when the children were smaller (and fussier) I could always guarantee there would be one thing they'd like. Where we live now people also bring along whatever they intend to drink too, and then take it way with them when they go home if it's not finished. The host will provide too, but it means that the overall cost is much lower (so more parties are possible) and it's not such a problem trying to guess how many people will turn up and therefore how much food to provide.

So it's a bit studenty perhaps, but that's fine by me. Took me a while to get used to, but now I enjoy cooking up something nice to bring along and drinking booze I actually like.

theodorakis Wed 17-Oct-12 05:32:09

Mameulah , it iis the telling the truth that is so liberating. People seem to accept the truth and don't mind. I wish I had started sooner. Glad op isn't going!

ibizagirl Wed 17-Oct-12 06:05:30

I would not go. It sounds pathetic. I would never dream of asking people to bring food and drink if I was hosting a party!! I would have a bad cold the day before and maybe send some flowers or something like that. Who else is going to the party? Do you know what they think about all this?

ripsishere Wed 17-Oct-12 06:19:03

Also, where do you stay? if it is such a long way away, you'll need a flower bed for the night.

Alligatorpie Wed 17-Oct-12 07:07:55

Different- it is not in a restaurant. It is a birthday party in her yard where the guests are expected to travel, bring food, drinks and possibly a present - and stand outside in November.
The host seems to be missing the concept of hospitality.
Don't go! I would imagine very few people will.

differentnameforthis Wed 17-Oct-12 07:14:22

Alligatorpie

Yes, I can read thanks! Like I said, I have no problems with this type of party. Been to a few myself. The best parties are the ones where the host isn't still in the kitchen worrying about cooking/plating up/defrosting food.

mameulah Wed 17-Oct-12 09:59:40

The best parties are definitley the ones where the host isn't stuck in the kitchen worrying about the catering. But the best parties also don't start with an invitation followed by instructions that are followed by jobs to do.

When we are invited to a party I ALWAYS make sure I ask if there is anything we can do to help. And if there is I am ALWAYS more than happy to help, which is so much better than being told how I should help before I have even worked out if we can even attend.

I had one friend who had sooooooooooo many celebrations for her wedding that by the time she actually got married I could barely even be bothered to speak to her about it. There were two hen nights, two stag do's, a wedding service, a party in one country for one half of the couple and a party in another party for another half of the couple. Just listening to it was utterly exhausting never mind actually attending. Which, when we did, was in one of those hotels where one glass of wine was £8. And don't even get me started on looking at the 85 million photos that you have to admire afterwards.

Theodorokis
Am interested...have you ever been caught out by being too honest or is it really a new magic trick?

EnjoyVampirebloodResponsibly Wed 17-Oct-12 10:05:50

So they are making everyone stand outside (no mess), bring all the food and drink (no costs) and they still get presents?

Genius!

PMSL @ "fuck that for a troupe of Badgers" ^ ^

BloodRedAlienReflux Wed 17-Oct-12 10:17:43

No sorry, I don't get people asking for contributions to a party?! OK drink maybe, as keeping everyone pissed is ridiculous,. but food? DJ's?? I wouldn't go, and I would tell her why! The train fare alone is extortionate, but lugging food there?? NAH.

differentnameforthis Wed 17-Oct-12 12:44:44

You see, over here they don't exactly DO formal invites. DD has been invited to parties and we have never been asked to contribute anything for those.

But after living here a few yrs, you get invited somewhere & it's "what do you want me to bring" or "I'll bring x". So old is the tradition that you don't even NEED to be asked. And if the host says nothing, you still take something!

StrangeGlue Wed 17-Oct-12 20:59:30

That's the thing different I probably would have taken a drink anyway its just it isn't a casual gathering its an organised birthday party, I was just a bit taken aback to be asked to take food when me and most of the guests will be going a very long way. Few people turn up to party empty handed but to have it all asked for just seems a bit much.

I'm not going anyway I'm gonna make my excuses.

differentnameforthis Thu 18-Oct-12 03:53:40

I can understand that it is annoying to be asked to take it. I would never actively ask anyone to bring anything (except probably what they want to drink) & tbh, I am always the one who tells people not to bring anything when they offer. But they still do! smile

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