to think that 40 years old is NOT too old to become a Mother, whether it is tbe first time or not?

(287 Posts)
SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 16:47:19

I am 39 soon and would like to have another baby.

NowThenNowThen Thu 11-Oct-12 17:15:59

Women have always had babies into their 40's.
It is bizarre that this is considered a new thing. My Nan was 46 when she had my dad!

sue52 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:16:31

I'll be 62 and DH 68 when DD leaves for university in 2 years time. DH will begin a Phd and I intend to finally get round to learning Italian and improving my backhand. As far as I'm concerned we will have many happy years to fit in as much as humanly possible and having children later in life has kept us young.

Goldenjubilee10 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:17:25

I did it! I had ds3 at 42.5. Ds's 1&2 were 9 and 11 so I wasn't really a very early starter anyway. I then had 2 mc's before the miracle that is ds3.

Of course he is wonderful, talented, brilliant, smart, beautiful but, yes, as valiumredhead says he is now 6 and I am 48 and sometimes I would give a lot to put my feet up and Mumsnet at the weekend instead of a nice hmm swim before dashing for a play at the park or a couple of fun (not) hours at soft play. Then on for a quick tantrum shop at the supermarket and home so that we can make mess pizza for the tea. Followed by "It's not fair, I never get to do anything". And play dates, don't mention playdates, mines bad enough, other people's will finish me off.

We are now back to another sitting of Biff and Chip, beavers, and after school club fees. There are, sadly, no grandparents left and most of my friends have grown up children, foreign holidays and nights out (I can't even remember what they were). Not to mention fitting in earlier bedtimes (unfortunately not mine) with teenagers taxi services. So just a few things to think about.

But, do you know - I wouldn't change it for the world. He's just magic!

Willowisp Thu 11-Oct-12 17:17:42

I had my first at age 33...at least 5 yrs too late IMO. I'd rather have been a younger mum with more energy & more patience.

AgentZigzag Thu 11-Oct-12 17:17:56

The daughter of one of my friends from school was pregnant at the same time I was ScaryB.

I wasn't keen on being reminded I was the same age as a granny, but having a baby grin

VodkaJelly Thu 11-Oct-12 17:20:08

I had my 3 kids in my early 20's. I turned 40 last month and I am currently 7 months pregnant (this baby is a total suprise). I never ever thought I would have a baby at my age, but I dont feel any different with this pregnancy. I dont have any swollen ankles or tiredness, I feel fine.

Me and DP are not social whirlwinds, we like to stay in and watch TV, so having this baby is not going to change our lifestyle much. And DP is 5 years younger than me!

AgentZigzag Thu 11-Oct-12 17:20:14

<groan> at Biff and Chip, thanks for the reminder Golden hmm

grin

YouMayLogOut Thu 11-Oct-12 17:20:14

YANBU at all smile Good luck!

DuelingFanjo Thu 11-Oct-12 17:20:35

Of course it's not. I was 40, almost 41.

Lots and lots of much older men have babies and people rarely say anything about the ones who are in their 40s.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 17:23:16

I don't think you're unreasonable at all! Why shouldn't you have (another?) chance at motherhood?

That said, I love the fact that there's only 18 years between me and my mum, but I'd love her the same if she were 58 not 38.

Its understandable that there are extra health risks, but if you're aware of these then there's no reason you shouldn't go for it. You're hardly bloody ancient!

NowThenNowThen Thu 11-Oct-12 17:23:29

Ooh Vodka Jelly envy

I want a baybeeeeee!

I will probly still be single at 40 sad

But all you ladies are giving me hope...

SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 17:23:29

There was a womanon tbe TV today being interviewed in tbe street whenI changed channels. The interviewer asked her what age is too old to becone a Mother, her reply was 40. Three other -- jealous-- cows gave same age.

I totally agree with the too old before their time comments here. But is there ever a time ti become really stuck in your ways.

HELL NO

Lambzig Thu 11-Oct-12 17:32:09

I had my DD at 42 and am 35 weeks pg again now (am 45). I dont feel too old, get quite surprised when I think about it.

Am going to large central london hospital and mentioned to my midwife that I was getting on a bit and she said I was about average for where they are.

eurowitch Thu 11-Oct-12 17:32:33

That's nonsense. As others have said, women have always had babies into their 40s. The only thing that has changed is that now some women have their first baby in their 30s or 40s. That would have been very unlikely in the days of early marriage and no contraception.

BTW, this thread is giving me hope. I am 36 and have been ttc no.1 for 2 years. I was starting to feel like I was running out of time, but maybe not. smile

MrsDeVere Thu 11-Oct-12 17:33:16

I had dcs4&5 at 40 & 43.

I had easy (physically) pregnancies and easy home births. My children were brn without any of the dreaded and apparently inevitable disabilities hmm

I am not saying the above to be smug but because of the enornis amount of negative toss I was subjected to as an older mum.

I am told I look younger than my age, perhaps that is why I heard o much of it. They didn't realise they were in the company of one of these disgusting, selfish old mothers.

Pftt

Well, it is a peronal choice, isn't it. Often it is not even a choice, of course, for all the reasons we know.
I think it is important to be aware of the risks associated to a pregnancy after 35, but it is as important being a bit fatalistic (i hope the word fatalistic actually exist in English).

At 42, I do feel too old to have a child, I have serious backache and would struggle holding a aby/toddler 24/7.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 17:34:36

If it was too old, your body wouldn't allow you to become pregnant still.

Fuck all the negative comments, I don't understand how anyone could have something negative to say about a woman becoming a mother.

7to25 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:34:49

Am 53 with an 8 year old DS
j agree with everything Goldenjubilee said. the menopause has hit before the teenage years and I am grateful for that! I feel sorry for my son and for the fact that I am by far the oldest mum in the playground.
Also have two grandchildren. No matter what everyone says, energy levels fall after 50, I am glad I have older children to take him off my hands sometimes.
My friends have children in the final years of secondary school and in University. they are free and can't cope with my constrained life!
there is a lot to think about when you plan a later baby!

SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 17:35:07

Gosh MNetter's are so cleversmile

UltraBOF Thu 11-Oct-12 17:36:05

I think it's too old- it would be for me anyway.

Why do want another baby? What else is going on for you at the moment?

messtins Thu 11-Oct-12 17:36:51

If you accept that your biology is not necessarily on your side (lower fertility, increased miscarriage, increased risk problems) and your family situation means it's a good time for you, then of course YANBU.
I am very much hoping to become a mother of a DC3 at rapidly approaching 38.
My cousin recently became a mother (of twins!) for the first time at 47 shock

How old was the woman who was interviewed? I can totally imagine in my twenties thinking that 40 was too old to have a baby. Now I'm nearly there it doesn't seem old at all!

I must add that usually these threads make me insanely broody!

QuenelleIsOrangeAndGoldForNow Thu 11-Oct-12 17:41:39

It depends on the person.

When I was 40 I was pregnant with my first at the same time as my 22yo niece.

Biologically DN is nearly 20 years younger than me but I think I'm as fit, healthy and energetic as her, if not more so. DN smokes, I gave up 10 years ago. I run regularly, DN does no exercise. I take DS out to the park every day I am at home with him, DN rarely takes her DD to the park.

I'm not comparing her unfavourably to me, because she is a better person/mother than me in plenty of other ways. Just commenting on the fitness/health/energy aspect of the age difference.

And of course, she can probably continue having siblings for her DD for many years to come and my chance for that has gone now.

It totally depends on the individual, I had my first set of children at around 21/22, the next one was 10 years later and I felt so old. It all just seemed to much. At 40 I'll have a 19 years of parenting under my belt. The last thing I will want is to have a newborn again. In fact even if I didn't have any other children I wouldn't start at 40 because while I'm fit and healthy I just don't think it would be right for me at that age, I would be too old.

YouMayLogOut Thu 11-Oct-12 17:41:44

The people who think 40 is "too old" are usually those who have already had all the children they wanted at an earlier stage, so the decision won't apply to them.

This tends to be the case with quite a few opinions on fertility, such as people being against IVF when they've never had any fertility problems themselves.

Underneath it all, such criticisms are basically people's selfish genes talking - try to ensure others don't reproduce, and they won't compete with your own genes.

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