to think that 40 years old is NOT too old to become a Mother, whether it is tbe first time or not?

(287 Posts)
SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 16:47:19

I am 39 soon and would like to have another baby.

I was lucky to be able to get pregnant on a number of occasions well into my forties (not so lucky in hanging on to the baby but got there in the end!). I would certainly not advise other women to wait quite as long as I had to!

I didn't really think about babies until I was forty and always assumed I just would not have any (was in a relationship and lifestyle in which it would have been really unwise to have a baby, emotionally abusive etc). Then when I met my second husband he said to me after a couple of months let's have a baby, which took me by surprise. After the first m/c I just got more and more sure I really did want a baby (and I was right)!

soorploom Mon 15-Oct-12 12:31:23

YANBU. i am 48yo and have had 4 dcs. oldest is 8. i feel v v v v v v lucky as i didn't even start thinking about kids until i was 40 and it happened quickly. i do not feel old but do appreciate when youngest starts school i will be 50.
just be aware of potential problems and enjoy
and all that running around keeps you fit!

Lambzig Mon 15-Oct-12 13:49:10

Wow soorploom, fitting in four is amazing in that time. This thread is such a relief as I am sitting here 36 weeks pg with my second at 45.

I think its so interesting the those who had their families early think its not for them at 40, but those who had them later feel its fine. I would have liked them earlier, but it took 10 years for us to get pg with DD and lots of help, so I didnt have much choice really.

MsOnatopp Mon 15-Oct-12 14:05:39

To put my post in context - I will be 36 when DS is 18 and so expect that he will have semi left home permanently by the time I am 40. (hopefully)

I think it's too old for some aspects like running around with them. I'm 22 and can run around with my DS like a mad loon that not even the 30 year old mums can do.

Having said that. I can see how young I am as a mum compared to the older mothers who seem to.. I don't know... get something else out of being a mother that I can't explain. Maybe it's the matured devotion? More time being able to be selfish (in the normal, natural way, not a bad trait way) and live life how you want and now are in a better place to give emotionally?

Physically I would not want to at all. I would want to conceive naturally if possible and not leave it to chance. I would want to be able to fling DS round my back with ease which the older mums just can't do. I want to be free to live life how I want in my 40s and wouldn't want to be tied to babysitters etc when I am in my 50s. I want to be a grandmother while I am still nice and young (though not too young, if DS is as young as me when I had a kid <slapping motion>). I also wouldn't want to build up a good career and then take time out to have a baby.

Emotionally though I can see the benefit of being much older. ATM I am very aware that I am still exploring who I am/ what I want and am not particularly settled in that way whilst trying to show a child the way in the world.

I also am trying to study while with a young child. The age I am, I think, makes this easier but it would have been easier to be sorted on that front before having kids.

I don't know. I personally wouldn't want to be anywhere near 40, but I also am aware that I was WAY too young.

eurowitch Mon 15-Oct-12 14:10:56

I am giggling to myself at the 22 yr old who thinks a 40 year old would not be able to run around with kids.

<Takes decrepit self off for a hardcore hill run>

MsOnatopp Mon 15-Oct-12 14:23:57

euro... I said run around like the mad loon that I do, not just run around hmm. Please read carefully. I am by far the youngest mother around my DS's year. By at least 6 years. (and so I should be, I was/am far too young!) Of course they run around with their kids too, but I can run around like a teen - I have only just left my teens! I barely have to bend over to pick up DS and LITERALLY fling him over my shoulders, catch him and spin him round my back before placing him back on the floor, and he is the size of a five to six year old. Non of the others mothers can do that. I assume it is because I am younger. I have had other mothers say to me that they can no longer do quite as much (though still plenty) as I can still do.

I have watched the 40 year olds run with their kids, I have been part of the parent races and fact is I am faster, fitter and stronger than almost all the other mothers because I am younger (much younger in some cases, and of course you will get some exceptions though I haven't come across any yet). I am not saying it is an issue. I like that I can do all this with DS but how high I can fling him is not something I think dictates how old I should have a child. I just like that I can.

The real question is.. will DS have knackered me by the time I am 40 and free hmm grin

IKilledIgglePiggle Mon 15-Oct-12 14:39:38

I don't think 40 is too old at all.

But saying that I don't think it would be the right thing for me, but we all walk different paths.

I had DS1 when I was 21, I gave up uni and then had DS2 at 23. I loved having them so young, I threw myself right into it, I was married ( and still am) to a man 5 years older and already established in his career, we owned our own home and I had tons and tons of energy in as much as the sleepless nights didn't floor me and I could function the next day with a baby and toddler........fast forward 10 years and I had DC3....... the nights were harder and energy levels are much lower, but it's still fun, I love it.

I dont buy the older mothers have more patience thing either, I have always had patience with mine, I may be more frazzled now I'm a bit older because I have three DCs if anything.

Another thing to take into consideration is declining fertility, I have many friends trying to conceive and finding it harder from their mid 30s and up, my heart breaks for them and if it was up to me I would give free IVF, as many times as it takes.

eurowitch Tue 16-Oct-12 08:49:11

I can read MsOnatopp.... hmm

I recommend that you print off your post and put it in an envelope to be opened on your 40th birthday. If you don't cringe I will eat my hat.

At 22 I thought 40 seemed old too. But looking at it from a much shorter distance (am currently 36) it doesn't seem that way at all. A lot of people don't look after themselves, so are not in good shape at 40. But many do. I am at least as fit now as I was at 22. I eat better, drink less and get more sleep. And I know an awful lot more about the world and myself, which I think will make me a better parent than I would have been at that age.

At 40 I thought 50 was old. Now planning my 50th party next year and telling myself that 50 is the new 30 ...your perspective does change!

MrsBovary Tue 16-Oct-12 15:15:51

No, of course not.

MrsDeVere Tue 16-Oct-12 15:22:12

msona
I just did a 10k

I am 43I did it with another MNer who is older than me and she did it faster than I did.

25 years olds should be fitter and more flexible than 45 year olds but it's not a given.

This generation are the first to have a shorter life span than their parents. They are not going to be fit and healthy and suddenly drop dead.
It is a slow decline from their teens onwards.

Hand on heart, the older mothers look like they could take on the majority if the younger ones at my school gates.

Age is irrelevant once you start adding in factors like fags and crap food.

SoleSource Tue 16-Oct-12 16:03:27

Fab thread people smile

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