in not allowing my ex to let my 5yr old daughter talk to her death row boyfriend on the phone

(116 Posts)
munkiboy1971 Wed 10-Oct-12 22:00:57

She's been 'involved' with death row inmates since we split 2 yaers ago. She's sent pictures of our kids to them before and I asked her not to involve them in her relationships before now but I recently found out that she was allowing our youngest daughter to talk to her latest squeeze when he calls (using his illegally held mobile phone which inadvertanly have been paying for with the money I give to her for the kids).
It creeps me out to know she's been doing this and I've asked for a signed letter to say she's not going to do it again.
She's a pretty fancy piece of work but I really don't understand how even she can possibly think that what she is doing is in any way right.

Lueji Thu 11-Oct-12 11:03:41

Well, the good thing is it's not likely the children will ever actually meet these men.

Do you think the conversations have been inappropriate?

If you know which prison he's in, or his name, then you could contact the US prison services about the mobile phone.

munkiboy1971 Thu 11-Oct-12 12:29:38

I know where he is, his name and even what his private parts look like(they like to share pictures of each other).
You are right that I should have thought about residency before now, I've just not been in the right place to be able to follow it through.

Sounds as though it's a legal approach I need. Thanks for the advice.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Thu 11-Oct-12 12:32:58

Good luck smile

imperialstateknickers Thu 11-Oct-12 15:41:37

Same here. Keep posting.

VinegarTits Thu 11-Oct-12 15:51:13

gosh how long into your relationship did you realise she was 'a fancy piece of work'?

or did she have a personality transplant after you split up?

OhlimpPricks Thu 11-Oct-12 15:56:01

So, she has showed you a photo of his cock. You must still be fairly chatty then....

PickledFanjoCat Thu 11-Oct-12 16:20:39

Well lets keep positive. He also has a name so he wont have to walk up and down death row looking at their murderous members.

MikeOxardForHalloween Thu 11-Oct-12 16:55:12

Well I was going to say yanbu, but I take it from all the piss taking on here that everyone thinks you're a troll. I'm going to say yanbu anyway, since this thread has been pretty hilarious in parts. I liked the poem. I would like to believe the OP was not serious because that is clearly fucking terrible.

munkiboy1971 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:39:25

I really wish was a troll. As you can imagine its been very difficult for me, hence my inability to do anything about until now.
To answer your question about how long I've known what she's like I guess I'd have to say the signs were there from the start of our relationship. She said she'd been in a previously violent relationship which was probably true as the guy she was with sent her some pretty horrible texts when we were first going out (police involved). I knew she had been through a lot and was trying to show her that not all men were bad and that I loved her for her. She has always has a problem with lying, sometimes really silly little lies, sometimes whppers.
I naively thought that if I showed compassion, understanding and love that she wouln't feel the need to behave the way she did.

Eventually it wore me down though. I've had episodes of depression and been on medication for years. Only now am I able to cope with this situation without wanting to do something drastic.

I lost my job, my marriage, my house and I thought I would lose my children as they were talking about mum wanting to go and live in 'America'.

It's taken nearly two years for me to get back on my feet. I have ahouse a job and feel agreat deal better about myself in general.

As I have said, I really do wish this was all a load of bollocks. Sadly its not.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 11-Oct-12 18:58:49

im confused, she was like this from the start but you had 5 kids with her? what on earth have your kids been doing whilst shes been being a crap mother and you have been spending 2 years getting back on your feet?

munkiboy1971 Thu 11-Oct-12 19:25:02

You're right of course. I suppose I was constantly hoping she would get better, that I could somehow 'cure' her by being constant and adoring. I have obviously been very naive and have paid the price for that.

As for what has happened to the kids whilst I was getting back on my feet, as best as I could I've been their dad, I've seen them as much as I can, spoke to them on the phone as much as I can but obviously not done a particularly good job.

Don't get me wrong, I know I've made mistakes, the point is how to move forward, I've spent a great deal of time smashing myself to pieces about what has happened and that hasn't been very productive.

I don't regret, for one second, having my children, even if their mother is not ideal.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Thu 11-Oct-12 20:55:42

Come on pixie - how many women on the relationship board are still waiting for their 'd' h or p to be add good as they want him to be? We're all guilty of being optimists from time to time, and every child makes it harder to draw a line and say 'enough'

munkiboy1971 Thu 11-Oct-12 21:15:07

I have no problem with people being critical of the way I've handled things, you are right, goodness knows I've been self critical enough, and continue to be. I am trying to learn from those mistakes though and I suppose that's what has really changed about me.

I just want the best for my kids, like all parents.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 11-Oct-12 21:16:34

munkiboy thats one of the best posts ive ever seen done by a nrp,i admire that greatly.

i have a sneeking suspision your kids are going to be ok with you looking out for them

happydotcom Wed 17-Oct-12 23:42:13

Did I read that right?????? 5 yrs old ?

CaliforniaLeaving Wed 17-Oct-12 23:57:00

Well she can't move your kids to America without all appropriate visas and that means you signing paperwork to say you giver her permission to take your children.
You sound like a very caring Dad, I hope you get some answers.

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