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To not want a funeral when I die

(72 Posts)

While I understand its about paying respect I have been to two funerals recently that have cost in excess of four thousand pounds (one a lot more).

Most of the people there hadn't seen the assessed for decades and felt a duty to come and sit in a drafty church they don't want to be in then drink free booze and food afterwards.

I don't want people who didn't care enough to visit me in life to bother in death. I certainly dont want Money that my dd could have to be spent on them.

So aibu to tell my family just to send me to the crem without any service and tell them to spend the money on a holiday instead.

Can you even do that?

Sorry for morbid thread I've been writing my will.

Way2Go Tue 09-Oct-12 20:33:11

I thought you couldn't be 'donated' to a medical school in your local area to minimise the risk of someone who knows you coming across your body.

i might be wrong though hmm

Teahouse Tue 09-Oct-12 20:37:15

If you want a cheap burial then have a shroud burial; no coffin required. You have to request this from the funeral director.
For a cremation, ask for the cheapest coffin option; they won't offer you this so instruct people to ask of this, cardboard can be cremated.
You don't have to have a service at a crem and most crems if you don't have one will not just cremate without some ritual.
Green burials can be cheap too, especially if people do all the bits themselves.

RuleBritannia Tue 09-Oct-12 20:38:08

We did go down the body donation business about 5 years before my DH died (we didn't know he was going to and there was nothing wrong with him). We were declined then.

It was after he'd died (just) that I offered the bones and skin and was again declined even though we'd been on the Organ Donor Register for years. The donors don't have to be alive for those.

ratspeaker Tue 09-Oct-12 20:41:43

My dad wanted to leave his body to medical science
He had been in touch with the medical school, all the forms filled in but their criteria for accepting the bodies is very strict
His cancer ruled him out

Neither of my parents had a religious funeral

To have a burial you have to have purchased or be in possession of the deeds to a plot, many cemeteries are full, green burial plots sell out way in advance
There are fees for opening the grave, searching the deeds and plot etc
For cremation there are the fees for the crematorium, two doctors fees etc

Funeral directors charge for collecting the body, preparing it and of course the coffin
extras are the cars, flowers, announcements in newspapers, fees to clergy, viewings, embalming.

In my in laws case the cost of the teas and food afterwards was a small percentage of the funeral cost.

EndoplasmicReticulum Tue 09-Oct-12 21:01:08

Way2 - I'm a Biology teacher, one of my students who is planning to study medicine has said I'm not allowed to die before they do their course in case they find me in the dissecting room "because that would freak me out".

I really like the idea that I'll still be teaching when I'm dead. But I realise chances are they won't want me.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Tue 09-Oct-12 21:10:48

So <naive> what happens if noone left behind can afford the funeral fees then?

MyNeighbourIsHorrid Tue 09-Oct-12 21:34:53

My great aunt left her body for medical science. They took the bits they wanted and then insisted we took the rest back. They even left her pacemaker in, so we had to arrange to get that removed before we could cremate her.
My friends DHs estranged mother died, he refused to have anything to do with her remains and just walked away. He never did find out what happened to her, but it wasn't his responsibility. If the deceased had any assets, they must be used to pay. If no assets, no pauper's grave. I think hte council has to pay for disposal but will try to find family or charity (eg if homeless ex serviceman) to pay for basis cremation

Oldandcobwebby Tue 09-Oct-12 21:36:09

I am a crematorium manager, and can confirm that plenty of people choose to have no funeral service. Religious services are rapidly declining in number, and secular services are becoming the norm. Locally crematorium and doctors' fees come in at approx £600. No-one is stopping anyone using a £99 cardboard coffin, or making their own.

Funeral directors can charge what they like. Locally there is a £2000+ difference between the cheapest and the dearest. The service you get doesn't vary much, though! It pays to shop around...

The number of bodies we receive from medical schools has declined almost to nothing since technological advances like the Visible Human Project.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Tue 09-Oct-12 21:54:54

I'm going to have a second line funeral like they have in New Orleans.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 09-Oct-12 23:35:14

>So <naive> what happens if noone left behind can afford the funeral fees then?

I've read that if you die in hospital and there's no-one else to take responsibility for it , the hospital deals with it. If not in hospital, does the council have to step in?

LineRunner Tue 09-Oct-12 23:44:51

Yes there are 'welfare burials' (community burials) that the council will arrange if there is no-one else to do it. But the council will take control of the estate if there is any (often just a few bob and some furniture) and the grave isn't marked.

Startailoforangeandgold Tue 09-Oct-12 23:51:12

Cremate me quietly and scatter me somewhere pretty.

Then you may have any memorial service you wish, but if any one mentions God or life after death with my body or ashes in the room...

i shall be back to haunt you

sashh Wed 10-Oct-12 04:02:13

Medical science for my body too, unless I die on a bank holiday. Apparently they can't collect then.

I'm reassured by the amount of people who are saying medical science or no service, maybe im not such an oddball after all!

I just don't get the whole thing. I've only ever been to one funeral that was really a lovely rememberence and not out of duty of what they thought they had to do.

I would much rather my family used money to go on holiday to our favourite place and remembered me there.

I do have aspergers so i never know if its that part of it but i don't get all this chiding a favourite outfit or jewellery either. I really don't care what i have on.

Choosing

LineRunner Wed 10-Oct-12 10:07:21

I don't mind be tipped over the side of a boat the feed the fishes.

LineRunner Wed 10-Oct-12 10:09:59

p.s. the carbon foorprint of crematoria is massive, and the mercury emissions from people's teeth (fillings) have to be dealt with too, hence the rising costs.

If the local authority tries to recycle the heat from the crematoria they face a barage of media nonsense about 'heating classrooms from burning the dead'. FFS.

fishybits Wed 10-Oct-12 10:12:34

My Mother's side of the family has never had funerals. The immediate male members of the family go to the crematorium to make sure it's done properly and then a memorial service is held a couple of months later.

Sounds good to me.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 10-Oct-12 11:20:03

>I would much rather my family used money to go on holiday to our favourite place and remembered me there.

That sounds like a lovely idea to me. I guess the question is, would it to them?

>I don't mind be tipped over the side of a boat the feed the fishes.
apparently there have been problems with people doing that - inadequate weighting - and while feeding the fishes is all very well, it can be unpleasant for the fishermen when they find body parts in nets or lobster pots.

thecatsminion Wed 10-Oct-12 11:30:40

My FIL keeps saying he doesn't want a funeral and wants to be cremated asap with no ceremony or fuss.

The thing is, I think people actually benefit from the ritual of being able to say farewell to someone. It doesn't matter whether it's a religious service or a wake or what - I think there's a space in people's heads that when someone dies they want to get together and mark their passing. And I think, given that it's your funeral, it helps the people left behind if you give them some idea of what you might like. And let's face it, funerals are more for those still alive than the deceased.

I think YANBU not to want an expensive or elaborate funeral, but I think YABU to say that your family and friends shouldn't have any sort of gathering where they're all welcome, whether its a funeral or a memorial or whatever (I'm not sure if a holiday would work as presumably you wouldn't pay for a holiday for all your friends and extended family that might want to go to a funeral?).

WizardofOs Wed 10-Oct-12 11:30:52

We chose not to have a funeral for my dad when he died. Cardboard coffin, cremation with no service. I think he would have been pleased but I tend not to tell anyone as I have some judgey reactions as if we were being cheap (was not relevant) or he was not loved (he was very much).

lin3loo Mon 10-Mar-14 21:26:53

Yes!

Because I've been told that they don't want me for medical science ..........
Because I'm fat!!!!

Talk about the final insult!!

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